Kapuhai Reef

Indoor Meeting Spaces

Kiki - 3-11-2019 at 06:41 AM



You can enjoy our comfortable common areas and lovely outdoor spaces that inspire reflection and a sense of well-being. On the east side of the facility is the Reflection Room. On the West is the Regal Room. Each offer cozy accommodations for group therapy and visitation hours.


Koi - 3-11-2019 at 06:45 AM

“Koi? You’ve ten more minutes…” Koi nodded his head as he focused back on the screen of his phone, his mother’s smiling face there. He pushed his earpod deeper into his ear as he shrugged.

“Looks like we gotta wrap it up, Mommy.” He couldn’t believe his time was almost up. It seemed like they’d just gotten on the phone! But that was phone privileges. Thirty minutes and then phones back to Alissa, his “up close and personal” rehab counselor. Not to be confused with his actual therapist and life coach, Coach Markus. Koi couldn’t help it, but it was still weird that he had to call Markus “coach”. What was he coaching exactly? But, Markus and Alissa were cool enough.

“Okay! So before you go...let’s run down the checklist!” Koi’s mother insisted, pulling an exasperated sigh from him, They’d run over the “Collegebound” (his mom’s name for the list, not his) list a thousand times. They’d done a good job ticking off a lot of the things he’d need to start school in a couple of weeks, but the list wasn’t getting any shorter! There was always something else he had to remember to do. Apartment furniture. Food for apartment. Books. Apartment necessities that had nothing to do with furniture, food or books. Jeeze.

“Don’t you huff at me! I’m trying to make sure we remember everything!” Fumie chided, a little grin on her face. Koi smiled back. A genuine smile. He liked seeing her happy and carefree. Especially now that she’d gotten her loft situated. Now, Project “Collegebound” was her main concern.

“I’ve been ordering furniture and other crap that you put on that weird Amazon list. Wh-why do I need an air fryer?” He questioned, chuckling as Fumie made a funny face into the camera.

“Why, the better to eat your food with, my dear…” Koi laughed heartily at her corny joke, shaking his head as his mom propped her chin on her palm. This was how things had been for...three weeks, maybe? More relaxed. More open between he and his mom. And when Zori or Dhonny dropped by, shit got even better. Not that Koi didn’t miss…everyone else. But, baby steps, right?

“So...you ready?” His mom prompted, her eyebrows wiggling as she curled her legs up on the sofa beside her. Koi cleared his throat, a nervous habit he’d formed that Coach Markus had recently brought to his attention. It usually accompanied an uncomfortable tightness in the pit of his stomach.

“Um...I don’t know. Honest answer.” He said quietly. Fumie nodded back at him, understanding in her eyes. Because she knew...just how big this was. Just how important this was to Koi. Just how long he’d been waiting for...this. Devyn was coming to visit...

“I’m ready to see her. Beyond ready. But...I don’t know.” His fingers scratched at the stubble on his chin, his eyes downcast. He was worried. He couldn’t lie. The last time he’d seen Devyn was at her graduation party the week before he left for rehab. It hadn’t been good. He’d done the stupidest thing he could’ve imagined doing in front of her family and friends, embarrassed the shit out of her...and himself. And she’d...broken up with him. He’d tried to call her...text her...before he left, but she’d blocked his number...and he’d deserved it. He knew that now. Of course a couple of weeks of therapy couldn’t make everything all better but it helped him see some shit about himself that he couldn’t...no, wouldn’t see. The avoidance. The fear. How it wasn’t only hurting him, but everyone in his life. He got it. And the time away was probably what everyone, including Devyn, had needed from him.

“Well…” Fumie spoke, bringing him back to the conversation.

“...I think it’s going to be okay. Oh! And Eri says ‘hi’ and that she can’t wait to see you on pick up day! She’s out having pizza with Zori…”

Koi nodded, seeing Alissa’s silent five minute warning, five wiggling fingers and a smile.

“Alright Mommy. I gotta go. I love you…” Fumie’s face warmed as she sniffed, her eyebrows crinkling as she fought off tears. The usual at the end of their FaceTime calls.

“I love you too, sweets...and the hair looks nice on you. Bye, baby!”

Koi rolled his eyes as he ended the call, running a hand over his black, close cropped curls. His mom had always hated the blonde. And if he could be honest with himself, he liked the black better as well. The blonde belonged to someone else…

“Thank you very much!” Alissa exclaimed as he handed her his phone, exchanging it for his earpods case.

“Oh and um, you visitor is here. Can I send her in?” Koi nodded, his hands going deep into the pockets of his hoodie.

“Yeah...sure.”

Devyn - 3-11-2019 at 07:31 AM

87 days.

Devyn hadn't seen, spoken to, or really thought about Koi in 87 days...that last part was a lie. She thought about him constantly, but she had trained herself to busy her mind in other ways when she did. Over the past 87 days she'd learned to surf, taken Miyu to New York (which was a bitch and a half to get Athena's approval for), and picked up her first college course. She was truly thriving. Devyn hadn't felt this free since...ever. She'd spent all summer doing things she wanted to do which she'd accepted wasn't what she did with Koi. It had always felt right, but looking back at it...it never really was about her. It was right for him and she wanted to be so right for him that she let him...it didn't matter. That part of her life was over...

At least it was before she met up with Dhonny last week for his going away dinner. He's really trying Dev...go see him. She had asked about him then. Dhonny had been really good about not bringing Koi up with her after the...graduation party. He knew she needed time and he gave it to her, but Devyn knew it was only a matter of time. Dhonny wasn't giving up on his friend and he never let Devyn do it either...but this time felt different. The things she'd said to him in her living room were...she couldn't take that back. She didn't know that she wanted to. She didn't know anything when it came to him. But she was here. Dhonny asked her to do this for him and she couldn't say no to her hubby.

The place was lush. As she waited in reception after turning down cucumber water and something called a chia seed power bite, she wondered if this was more spa than rehabilitation center. Her mom hadn't been in a spot like this. Hers was a lot more...sterile. This felt more like a home. It kind of reminded her of a Big Brother house. She watched people mill about as she nervously drummed her fingers against her knees wondering if she really wanted to--

He's ready for you. Right in here.

No time to wonder now. She stood, smiling and offering a soft thanks as she followed the lady through a set of double doors into what looked like a kind of lounge area. And he was there. Her eyes caught his as soon as she crossed the threshold and she stopped. She didn't know why. She...wanted to see him, right? Sure, she'd been telling herself it was for Dhonny, but she wanted to see him...and now that she was...she was more confused than ever...Because she missed him.

You good? The lady again. "Yeah, sorry. I...yeah-," Devyn ran and hand through her hair as her guide pointed to Koi then and allowed Devyn to take the journey herself. She couldn't help the smile that met her lips as she drew close enough for him to hear her.

"Kid. Hey."

Koi - 3-11-2019 at 03:58 PM

You need this Koi...you both need this.

Koi still didn't understand Dhonny a lot of the time. The dude dressed weird, was obsessed dance, and oddly enough, always had the right answers. But this time, Koi wasn't so sure this was the right answer. Especially now that he was about to come face to face with the supposed "good idea". Not that Koi didn't want to see Devyn. Because he did. He did more than he could honestly understand. They hadn't been away from each other this long in years. The time away from her felt like a song he'd always heard or a movie he'd seen a thousand times, but the best part was missing. Things were better, but they were off without her. He couldn't help but wonder if she felt the same way without him. And that thought was what made him rethink this whole thing. Sure, Dhonny was on his way to some part of Europe on some long ass performance tour and he wouldn't be able to drop by, but that didn't necessarily mean that Devyn had to. She'd...well, it hadn't seem like she'd wanted to the entire summer. Why make her do something she wasn't trying to do in the first place?

He exhaled heavily, licking his lips. He noticed the jittery way his foot was tapping against the plush carpet, his slide barely hanging on to his foot. Exhaling again, he leaned forward, elbows on his thighs. He closed his eyes, attempting to steady his breathing the way Zori'd taught him. 4,7,8. Inhale for four, hold for seven, exhale for eight. He had this. It would be okay. He was ready for this. His mind went to positive thoughts as he heard footsteps nearing the area where he sat. He opened his eyes slowly, looked up...and right into Devyn's eyes.

And all the breath he'd gathered in his lungs left as soon as he saw her face. Her fucking perfect face. She was wearing her hair straight. Wow, she hadn't done that in awhile. And damn, she looked amazing. But his mouth wouldn't move to tell her so. And she looked about as stuck as he was, frozen in the doorway. He smiled a crooked smile as Alissa prompted her forward, making eye contact with Koi as she turned to leave. He nodded, letting her know silently that he was okay. This was okay.

"Hey..." He said softly, standing to his feet as he closed the distance. He stopped before he got too close, his arms hanging awkwardly. They wanted to envelop her into a hug like he would've always done after not seeing her. But things were different now. She wasn't his to hold...to hug like that anymore. And he knew, beyond reason, that he had to respect that.

"...sup, Hips?" He chuckled, smiling wider.

Devyn - 3-11-2019 at 04:32 PM

She could tell he wanted to hug her. She saw it in how he stopped before he got too close...there was once a time when they couldn't be too close. The Koi and Dev they were before would have never survived three months apart. The old her would have been in this place daily pining, and worrying, and...wasting her time. She wasn't that girl anymore. She was only worrying about herself these days and she couldn't let seeing him (and those ever-perfect lips) take her away from that again.

Without the hug, things felt awkward. She didn't know how to greet him as a...friend? Ex? She didn't even know what they were anymore. She did know he was blocked. From her phone, all of her socials, hell, he couldn't even send her money through the Cash App. She was standing with someone she'd basically deleted from her life...but, she was questioning if that was what she really wanted.

She took a minute to look at him. His hair was dark which was a cute change. And he was thicker, he wasn't the lanky kid she remembered from months ago. All of that was aesthetic though. The things she noticed that mattered? His eyes were brighter than she she'd seen him last. They had life in them and he could actually look at her with them. She liked that. She liked even more that he was smiling.

"You look good, Koi-," he did. He looked really good. Devyn drew in her bottom lip the way she always did when she was at a loss. Her eyes found the floor as she tucked her hair behind her ear and searched for something else to say.

"Should we, uh...should we sit?"

Koi - 3-11-2019 at 05:24 PM

You look good, Koi-

Even with the awkwardness of seeing each other for the first time in months, the lack of a hug, the lack of words period, it felt good to hear her voice. To hear her say his name. And as simple of a thing as it was, he missed that. He took in the compliment with a smile and a slight head nod, his eyes taking her in for the second time. Her couldn't lie, outside of everything physical that he could've said about her...and those jeans (she was fucking wearing the shit out of those jeans), he could honestly say she looked good, too. She looked happy. Healthy. Better...without him. And that was the difficult thing for him to handle. Not greeting her like a stranger or the lack of intimacy. She was better without him.

"You look...good...too." He said haltingly, his words stopping short before he went too deep into how good she looked and made shit ten times more awkward than they already were.

"Yeah, we can sit..." He replied, letting her sit on the couch where he'd been sitting earlier. He chose the arm chair close to where she sat, his desire to give her space obvious. He watched her sit, her fingers pushing her hair behind her ear. She nibbled at her full bottom lip as she looked around the room for a moment. Koi laughed silently, his fingers rubbing at his lips to hide his smile. She always did that when she didn't know what to say. When her words escaped her. He didn't want her to think he was laughing at the uncomfortable moment, but the familiarity of her movements was comforting. She was still Devyn. Not some stranger. And he could talk to Devyn.

"So..." He started, barely knowing where to go from there.

"...my 'life coach'..." He paused, fingers bending into air quotes.

"...recommends this tactic for getting visitors while I'm in rehab. Instead of talking about me, I...want to hear about you, first. What's been up?" He stopped himself suddenly.

"I mean, only if you want to talk about you. It...that kinda helps with feeling like world is moving forward while I'm just...here. Plus, I'm missing out of everything." He said hurriedly, hoping she understood.

"I missed out on...you. So..."

Devyn - 3-11-2019 at 05:50 PM

Devyn took the seat she'd seen him in before and he gave her a little space by taking one of the royal blue armchairs. She appreciated that. She hadn't been close to him in...so long. Despite that though, her body was responding the way it always did and she was doing everything she could to fight it. She did want to give him the hug he'd wanted earlier. She wanted to feel the scruff of his face and tease him about the extra weight that told her he was eating right and off that shit that...she didn't need to go there. The point was, even in her short time with him, she wanted them again. They were easy...but they always ended up being so hard. She couldn't...

Koi filled the dead air and Devyn smiled softly as he told her about his "life coach" (his quotes, not hers) and the advice they gave for visitors. He wanted to hear about her? Okay. Yeah she could--

I missed out on...you...

She heard him. Koi knew they weren't them, but he couldn't help old habits. He missed her. Sure, there were a few filler words in there, but she could read between the lines. She'd always had to with him. He was telling her he missed her. I missed you, too...but, she wouldn't say that out loud. Instead she said, "No, I can talk about me. I, um...I've been taking surf lessons this summer." They helped me not think about you. "And I picked up an early class over the summer so I'll have a few credits under my belt when we start in a few weeks." The reading helps me not think about you.

"Really I've just been chilling...doing the usual with some of the girls from the team now that Miyu is gone...What about you?"

Koi - 4-11-2019 at 08:50 AM

Just like he thought, Devyn had been out there...living. She’d had an amazing summer...away from him. Away from the drama that he’d filled her life with when they were together. And Koi couldn’t blame her for shutting him out of it. She’d needed a moment to just...be here. To apparently take up surfing...which in itself was crazy because “what the hell”. Koi didn’t knock it though. She was out here trying new things, taking initiative like the complete whiz kid he knew she was. College classes, a new hobby and a summer without him were enough to make her this...new person. And Koi dug it. Because she was a better her...without him. No matter how much it stung, he...he loved her too much to hate her obvious “glow up”...and it looked good on her.

“Okay I totally get you not being able to wait to start school because...baby genius, right?” His words turned into laughter, the usual comfort sliding back into their conversation as he teased her for being the smartest female he knew outside of Eri.

“But surfing? You serious?” He smiled, his face showing the surprise he obviously felt, mouthing “wow” at her.

“That’s wild...but I dig it.” He leaned more into the conversation, happy to hear about anything outside of therapy, meditation, life plans, or healthing living...which was basically the mantra in rehab. Sure, he’d been able to focus in rehab, his life becoming less about the shit that controlled him and more about what he could control. But, he missed the outside. He missed friends… He’d made a couple of connections in rehab, he wouldn’t exactly call them friends. But they were focused like he was, ready to get better and get back to the lives they’d left behind. Hearing how things were moving on the outside in the two months he’d been at the facility made him...happy. Reminded him there was shit to get back to. He smiled a little as Devyn asked about his life that summer.

“Basically my summer has been talk circles and reflection...” He said, his eyes rolling at his own words. Even though a lot of things at the facility were way “extra”, it hadn’t all been bad. Koi couldn’t lie, The Sanctuary was good for him. He’d never noticed how noisy his life was until rehab took everything away. All that was left was his mind, his thoughts...and the past. Which he did a lot of reckoning with in his quiet time between talk circles and exercise.

“...it’s been good for me though. I can admit that.” He finished, his voice growing softer as he stared at his clasped hands.

“I just...hate that everything’s kind of moved on while I’ve been here. But it is what it is...” Even with the acceptance he’d come to about being at rehab, he hated that he hadn’t been able to say goodbye to Dhonny and Miyu before they’d left. Miyu promised she’d come home for the holidays in her last text message to him and Dhonny promised a FaceTime every couple of weeks if he could manage it. But those were just...promises. Koi knew life would get busy and unpredictable...and it would’ve been nice to be there. To say that before they became whoever they were going to be...that he got the chance to say goodbye.

“I’m glad you came, Dev...I just...I wanted to apologize…if you’ll hear me out.”

Devyn - 4-11-2019 at 01:54 PM

She laughed with him as he joked about her starting classes early and picking up surfing of all things. "I figured I had been in KR for too long to not to know how." They were laughing together and it felt easy. It felt like the old them when they didn't have all that extra shit between them and it was new and...stop. This wasn't that. They weren't new and they did have shit between them. Shit she wasn't even sure she could talk about at this point. She had avoided it for so long.

The day after graduation and his...stunt, Athena spent the day trying to help her get her mind off of what happened. It started with breakfast and a half day at the spa which led to lunch on the boardwalk which is where she saw a flyer for surf lessons. That's how she ended up surfing this summer. She was avoiding processing their shit because it would mean thinking about him and hurting. That was all she had allowed herself to acknowledge about any of it. Koi hurt her and she didn't want to be hurt anymore. So she surfed, and she binged a bunch of shows with Eri, and she spent as much time as possible with Miyu. And she didn't answer questions about him so it didn't hurt.

But now? With him sitting in front of her, laughing and...different. She didn't know. She felt super overwhelmed with even the little bit of conversation that they were having about nothing. What if he actually wanted to talk. About them. About prom. About graduation. Before that was all Devyn wanted. For him to be honest with her. Now...ugh, she just didn't know.

But she smiled through it, throwing his question back at him and giggling as he rolled his eyes at his answer. He was so...relaxed about it all. Even admitting that it had been good for him. Devyn nodded then. She could tell. Old Koi would have told her before she sat down that he was ready to get the fuck out of there. New Koi seemed like he could do another month except...I just hate that everything's kind of moved on...Is that what he heard? When she told him the few things she'd done with her summer? That she'd "moved on"...

She sighed then and her eyes found the floor again with the lapse in their conversation. He'd just said it. It is what it is...she guessed. If he thought she'd moved on maybe he'd moved on too right? No... Her eyes found his again as he said a word she hadn't even been sure he knew when they were together. He wanted to what?

"To apologize?" She hadn't meant to look surprised. Dhonny had told her he was trying, hell Zori had told her he was changing...but he wanted to apologize. "For what?" It came out before she knew what she was saying and it was obviously hostile. Shit.

"I'm sorry-," she sighed. "Koi, listen, I don't...I didn't come here because I feel like you owe me anything." She honestly didn't know why she came. "I want to hear you out, but...I can't fight with you anymore." She whispered it. She couldn't fight with him anymore. Not with the way he left her. She wasn't strong enough. She needed him to know that if he wasn't gentle with her...she couldn't be sure where this would end up...

Koi - 4-11-2019 at 03:39 PM

I can't fight with you anymore.

Was that what she thought he wanted to do? Fight with her? Koi couldn't help the grimace that took over his expression, his mouth opening and closing for a moment before he fell silent again. It'd been months since he'd seen her. It'd been his silence that caused their rift, his stupidity that caused their break up, and his absence from Devyn's life to make all of that pain go away. The last thing he wanted to do was argue with her. She'd worked the entire summer to forget the past year. She'd filled her time with everything she could to forget the pain he'd caused. Nothing in him wanted her to revisit something she'd left behind.

"I don't want..." His words stopped as he huffed with the exasperation of not wanting to say the wrong thing. He shifted in his chair, leaning his elbows on his thighs again as he collected his thoughts...made sure his words were right.

"I don't want you to feel like you have to do or say...or give me anything anymore." He muttered, his head still downcast.

"All you did was give, Devyn." The room fell quiet again. He felt his throat tightening again, his hand massaging the back of his neck before he spoke again.

"Even if you don't need it. Even if you don't want anything from me...I need to tell you that..." Cleared throat. Bouncing knee...

"...I'm sorry for blocking you out. All you wanted from me was a reason 'why'. The truth, you know? And I couldn't even give you that. I just kept you out. I'm sorry for building a wall around myself so tight that you couldn't even get in." His throat tightened even more, threatening to cut off his voice with the air that he already felt he couldn't breathe.

"All you wanted was to understand me and...I punished you for it. And I...fucked up...and I kept fuckin' up...and..." He shrugged, his hands balling into fists as he clenched them together.

"...and you fucking didn't deserve any of it. And I'm sorry..."

The first tear surprised him as it landed, wet and invasive on his joined hands. He would've been able to ignore it...but others followed. Just as wet. Just as foreign. He felt himself shudder under the weight of his own words, his quiet sobs shaking his shoulders.

"For everything...all of it. I'm..." His voice stopped then, the tears running freely.

Devyn - 4-11-2019 at 05:22 PM

She didn't know what to do. She heard him. She believed him. She was watching him tremble and cry in a way that she knew was good for him, but...she didn't know what it meant for her. That was selfish and in this moment she didn't want to be selfish. Koi was showing her that he was just as hurt as she was. Koi was telling her that he hurt her because he didn't know how to accept her...help? Support? Enabling? She'd thought about it too and she didn't know what she'd tried to give Koi, but she knew she'd done it in love. In that moment, she wanted to love him. But she couldn't. She knew that she couldn't...but...

And because she couldn't she had no idea what to do. She watched him, head down and shaking as he sobbed. Devyn opened her mouth to say something, but no words came. Instead she moved. She knew that she shouldn't...but... She knelt in front of him, her hands cupping his face as she made him look at her. Her thumbs wiped over his cheeks, first the right, then the left before she rose. She made space for herself to sit in his lap as she held him and let him get it out. She got it. They were just kids...forced to deal with shit that went beyond...just beyond. She understood him. She knew him. Hell, she was him. He needed this.

Devyn did her best to soothe him, reminding him to breathe and trying her best to keep her own tears quiet so he could have this. He needed this. And she did too. She didn't think she needed this apology but she did. Was it well-worded or specific? No, but he meant it. She knew that he meant it and she needed it to forgive him.

"Koi-," she called his name as she rested her head on his. "I hear you. I-," she sighed. She wanted to say what she felt, but she really couldn't do that. "I can forgive you..." and she did. She forgave him for the bullshit and the lies and hurt...but she was doing it because she was letting it go. He needed to too.

She pulled away from him then, retaking her position in front of him as she connected with him. She wanted him to hear her. "...but I can't do this with you again. I can't...I can't be more to you than...-," she didn't know what she was saying but...

"I care about you still I just...I can't."

Koi - 4-11-2019 at 06:28 PM

And he let her hold him. As his body shook from the force of his tears, he let her hold him. Her voice was soft in his ear, telling him to breathe. Her hand rubbing his back as she held him, curled into him as she sat on his lap. He didn't know that his arms were wrapped around her like she was the only steady thing in the ocean of his tears. She was his life preserver. She'd always been. She'd been keeping him afloat for so long. For so damn long that he almost didn't know what it was like for him to have her there. To have her swoop in, every time, and put him back together again. But he felt it in the way she held him. She was exhausted. This...exhausted her. Drying his tears, holding him...loving him. All of this.

Koi

He heard his name, Devyn resting her head on his. She heard him. She...she forgave him. And that was all he needed. Except...

She lowered herself to the floor, her eyes steady on his. Her hand angled his chin so that he could look directly into her eyes. And he already knew.

I can't be more to you than...

He nodded, understanding her words without hearing them. It was over. They were done. She couldn't be more than a friend to him...and he understood.

"Okay..." He whispered, his hands drying his tears as she spoke. He really did get it. He knew how heavy the past couple of years had been for her. He knew. And that was why he let the last tear trail down his cheek, looking Devyn in the eye as he wiped it away,

"Okay."