Devyn sighed again, fidgeting even more with her top as she walked in an attempt to show just the right amount of cleavage with absolutely NO tummy. It was honestly silly of her to be worried
about what he thought of how she looked when she told him what she had to tell him, but she couldn't help herself. To be honest - something new she
was trying - she wanted him back. Of course she wanted him back. Especially, now. But that wasn't up to her. And she wasn't here to pressure
him into anything. She wasn't even going to bring it up. She was just going to drop her news and go.
"That's the plan, little bit. We're going to tell him about you and go-," she whispered to herself and her kid, her hand going to the very belly she
was trying to hide. She did that more these days. Talked to the baby through her stressful moments. They hadn't had a moment like this yet though.
Devyn stopped in front of the door to the apartment she and Koi used to share and knocked before she lost her nerve. "We're just gonna tell him and
go,-" she exhaled, taking one last moment to pull at her top before he opened the door.
"Kid...hey...-,"
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
"Yo, don't you even THINK about putting my Retros in the box with those dirty ass rags, Truffle Shuffle..."
Koi snatched his shoes from the shaky, flushed pledge who was not only the single white boy on line, but had the misfortune of looking a little too
much like Chunk from the Goonies...hence his shitty line name. Koi's lip curled as Owen (also known as Truffle Shuffle's real name) turned an even
bright red as he muttered a quick (but respectful) apology and snapped into attention, waiting for Koi's next words.
"Bye!?" Koi said, getting another shaky apology from Owen as he skittered off into the kitchen.
Use the line to help you pack...it'll be cheap and economical... Yeah, whatever. He had some choice words for Enzo as soon as he saw his ass
that evening after set. Was Koi showing up? Fuck no. After the shitstorm that had been the second semester of his freshman year, Tau Chi
chapter of Kappa Alpha Psi didn't need to ask him for SHIT. They asked too much as it was. Meetings (when he didn't give a fuck), parties (when he
didn't fuck with them because they knew why), and now dealing with this shiteous line that had to be TEN times worse than the hell Koi's line had put
their Big Brothers through. Like for real, did recruitment gather every idiot on campus and promise them letters?
Whatever. The point was that Koi didn't give a damn about "responsibilities". Especially now that the chapter wasn't his concern anymore. Not after he
packed his shit and got the fuck...
"Big Brother Main AtraKshun?" Koi's eyes rolled before he could stop them.
"Can I help you?" Koi muttered, barely listening as he tried to not grind his teeth at them line name he told them NOT to use while in his presence.
His name was "Koi". "Kidd" if they knew him well. They could kill all that "big brother" shit. He turned around and another pledge was looking up at
him with eyes that pleaded for Koi to not hand him his ass because it hadn't been a secret that day that Koi's mood was worse than usual.
"Uh, someone's at the door..."
Koi choked back the curse words that threatened to pour from his mouth as he stared at the pledge.
"If someone was at the door...why didn't you answer-you know what? MOVE." Koi bumped the pledge's shoulder harder than he meant to. He could admit it.
The stress was getting to him. If it wasn't annoying enough to be surrounded by pledges that made him remember one of the worst moments of his life,
it definitely was to think about all the ways that his life was about to change. And to remind himself that he probably wasn't even ready for it.
Shaking his head at the temper that was about to rain vengeance and wall stands on every single one of those pledges, he made his way to the door,
opening it to...
She couldn't help the smile she tried to bite back as she laid eyes on him for the first time in months. He looked good. Definitely better
than the last time she'd seen him...or the last time Fumie had let her peek at him after what happened. It'd been...hard for her. Not getting
to really unpack what happened between them...what happened to him. The worst of it was him not knowing from the start what she was here to
tell him now. There was a flash of surprise before it faded to the annoyed confusion she expected from him, but he said nothing...that was
understandable after all the shit she put him through...the shit that ended them. He probably thought she was here to lie to him again and kick up
mor-She needed to stop. It didn't matter what he thought. She wasn't here to rebuild. She was here to tell him something bigger than them. And shit!
She still hadn't said anything!
"I, um...-," she paused, her mouth opening and closing again as she lost words. "I just, um...-," Fuck! This was too hard. She'd practiced it over and
over in the mirror and Minna and Miyu took turns playing it out with her (Minna was obviously more dramatic than necessary), but this was different!
Koi was the real thing and she was all tongue tied. She needed to say something though and stop just opening and closing her big mouth. "Do you
think--I mean, can I come in?" Yes! That was a start. She didn't want to tell him about their lovechild at the doorstep.
She watched his face change again with her question and this time there was a way less confused annoyance on his face. "I know it's been a minute and
you definitely don't owe me anything, I just...-," she was talking to fast and she wasn't saying anything.
"I just need to talk to you. It'll only take a minute."
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
What the fuck was she doing here? Standing in front of his apartment...and talking to him? Like everything that had happened in the last months was
just some ridiculous dream and they were still good? Because they weren't. Between the lies that she'd told since they day they met to the things he
couldn't even remember because-...well, just because? There was no coming back from where they'd been. He couldn't even TALK about where they'd
fucking been. If he did? Well...everyone would've been in danger. And Koi didn't want any fuckin' smoke. Not for Devyn...and not from her crazy ass
family. That's what Devyn standing in front of his door meant. Smoke. He wondered if her brother knew she was talking to Koi again. He
wondered if some how, Kareem and that weird ass hacker bitch had her tracked, knew where she was and were about to swoop in on-
NOPE. Koi was spiraling. He had to stop or he was probably going to start hyperventilating in front of her and the stupid ass pledges that he
was sure were being noisy as hell behind him.
I mean-can I come in?
Hell fuck no! No she could the fuck NOT come into his apartment. He already had to force the look of annoyance that he wore because...truth
was? He was glad to see her. After all the bullshit that she and her crazy relatives had put him through? He'd missed her He'd fallen in love
with her, lost her, got her back, and lost her again. All of that didn't keep him from still loving her and missing her...and thinking about the life
they could've had if...if they hadn't both fucked it up.
"Devyn..." He said her name, her name feeling odd as it rolled off his tongue instead of the way that he always greeted her. Sup, Hips? That
greeting didn't seem right. Not with everything that had gone down between them. Not with the way that he wanted to slam the door in her face, grab
her and hug her, and cry like a fucking idiot at the same time. And she was asking him to let her in?
You know I can't do that. What he wanted to say.
"Yeah..." What he did say to her, moving to the side as she brushed past him, the smell of her perfume brushing past him as he willed himself not to
let his eyes follow her.
"Get the fuck out..." He spoke loudly, hearing the commotion stop behind him. Meaning every pledge that was pretending like they weren't listening was
looking at him like he'd stuttered. He hadn't.
"...and if you're waiting for a 'please', I don't have one. GET OUT."
Devyn...She heard herself sigh in relief when he said her name. She hadn't heard it in so long. Not like this. Not from him. Was there
anything to be relieved about? Not at all, but at least she would be able to claim Minna's $20 as his first words to her had not in fact been a
resounding "FUCK OFF" followed by a door slamming in her face. Actually, he was inviting her inside. He was willing to talk to her.
Devyn did her best not to let her excitement show on her face as she moved past him into the entryway. He wasn't alone. And he was...packing? Boxes
were lined against the walls of what used to be their living room and there were three boys she didn't recognize in their--his kitchen. Devyn
could tell they were trying to look busy as her eyes did a quick scan. One boy was putting a bowl under the sink and another was cutting air on the
kitchen counter with a knife. Wowwwww...
The acting stopped as Koi told them to get the fuck out and Devyn got it. Pledges. Ugh. The last thing any place on earth needed was more Kappas and
here Koi was ushering in the new generation. When they didn't move quick enough for him, he instructed them again and Devyn couldn't help but chuckle
as they snapped up and scurried past the two of them and out of his apartment. One turned around to ask what might have been a question, but Koi
slammed the door on him before he could get it out, an exacerbated sigh leaving his throat. Dev giggled again, walking into the kitchen fully and
leaning against the the island, feeling just a bit of normalcy return to their...situation as they silently bonded over their tolerance of his
fraternity ties.
"So you're...packing?" A serious question. Koi was moving and he hadn't said anything. Granted...there wasn't much for the two of them to say to one
another these days. Like she'd said before, he owed her NOTHING. Hell, his "secret" was nowhere near as big as hers...again. She was curious
though...
"Are you...moving back home?" It would be understandable. Only a year left and...there were a lot of memories in this apartment. Good memories.
Memories of them when things were what they should have always been. What they could have been now if she hadn't...It didn't matter. That wasn't why
she was here...She needed to tell him and leave...
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
Hearing her giggle at the way that he'd talked to the line brought back memories and not all of them were bad ones. Like how they'd gotten closer
after Koi's letters almost broke them apart. How they'd moved into the very apartment they were standing in together and even though it was just a
college apartment, Koi felt like they had their whole lives ahead of them. Together. This had been their home. She had been his home. But as
she stood in the middle of his moving mess, he was reminded of what reality was for them. Him, done with her. Her, missing for weeks after her "family
shit" went done. And now she was here...asking him information that she would've known had...
Are you...moving back home?
No. He wasn't going back home. He was going where he'd dreamed of going for most of his life. He'd scored a chance to attend a training session with
the Lakers. And he'd done it by himself. No Shemar "Ain't Shit" Kidd pulling the strings behind the scenes. Just Koi. And he knew that this was the
start of something...that didn't include KRU. Because this was one of the final steps for him. He was NBA bound...and he was days closer to
leaving all the terrible shit that his college career had brought him behind. He didn't feel upset or excited. He just felt done.
"Why are you here Devyn?" And no, he wasn't answering her questions. Because this was just for him. A new start. And he didn't exactly feel like
giving her the keys to his future...only to watch her walk out of his life again.
Okay. That was...fair. She'd expected this, but that didn't mean his response to her curiosity didn't sting when he said it. Why are you here
Devyn? Why was she here? Koi was done with her. He was very obviously annoyed by her presence and he probably wasn't going to feel any
differently once she told him. For the umteenth time she was second guessing telling him about her baby. Miyu had done a good job convincing her it
was the right thing (Minna was very much in the "your body, your choice" camp), but what if it wasn't. What if this was just another thing Devyn was
adding to his plate? She had been the source of so much stress and drama for so long...what if this was just more of that? She stared at him, quiet
after his question as she debated whether this was the right thing to do. It felt like it, but she'd been wrong so many times before...
"I honestly don't know-," she said quietly, her eyes found her shoes as she talked to him, unable to meet his gaze anymore. She could feel his eyes
watching her. Waiting. She had to say something...
"I think I'm trying to do the right thing with you, but I'm not sure what's right and wrong anymore, Koi-," she didn't want to pause too long because
she knew all her rambling was taking too long and he was going to put her out if she didn't start getting to a point. "I know it doesn't mean much,
but I am sorry about what happened. I didn't appreciate the love and support I knew you were capable of when I was trying to deal with my shit and I
opted to try doing it on my own which made everything worse and if I could go back and do it differently I would but I can't so I'm just-," rambling.
She was just rambling. "I'm trying to make the right decision now." She looked up at him then.
"I'm pregnant." That was right. Telling him was the right thing to do. She felt it when she said it. Devyn let her statement linger for a while before
she continued.
"We're fine-," her hand drifted to her tummy the way it usually did now when she was nervous; when she needed a hand to hold. "We don't need anything
and I didn't tell you that expecting...I don't know. It just didn't feel right not telling you."
There. That was right. Wasn't it?
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
Koi couldn't help the way he rolled his eyes at Devyn's half-assed answer. She didn't know? Okay. Then she really didn't need to be here. And
yet, here the fuck she was. With the same "half truth" bull shit that had gotten them where they were now. Wrong. That wasn't completely
true. Koi knew that everything that had happened to them from day one had gotten them where they were and made them what they were now. Nowhere.
Nothing. He really tried. And before her family's shit, so did she. That shit? It sucked the life out of them and had them standing in front of
each other, clueless about each others. Strangers. Her words didn't even hit the same way anymore.
I think I'm trying to do the right thing...I'm sorry about what happened...
This again? Koi sighed, his gaze on her going to the ceiling as he turned his back on her, walking to the couch as he needed something to ground him.
He sat down with a huff, looking up at her as exhaustion took over his features, the worry lines that their bullshit caused creasing his forehead.
This was exactly what he didn't want to do with her. Not today. Not while he was wrapping up the life he'd shared with her and leaving her behind all
at the same time. The apologies that they'd already given each other when they thought they were both on their last moments...not just together, but
their last moments breathing. Their last moments living... He didn't want to go back there. He didn't want to remember the urgency in their
voices, the way she held him before he'd blacked...
No.
He rubbed at his forehead roughly, his eyes snapping back to hers.
"What Devyn? Just say..." I'm pregnant... And at that moment, Koi knew the earth slowed down just a little. It had to have, the way he felt
his body sway softly to the right on the sofa they'd chosen together. When shit was good...when she wasn't in his apartment...telling him that she
was... what?
Devyn's mouth moved, her lips making words. And all Koi could hear was ringing, his eyes narrowing in confusion. What was she saying? How they were
fine. How they didn't need anything from him and they'd be okay. She said all of that, touching the bump that Koi's eyes settled on, not
understanding how he didn't notice in the first place. He knew her body like the back of his own hand...even after they'd ended. And there it
was...that round bulge. Telling him that everything she'd said was true.
"What are you doing, Devyn? What did you think you'd get from me...after all this...ALL THIS..." Koi steadied himself with a deep breath, his eyes
blinking slowly.
Devyn watched him as he walked away from her, still talking about how she didn't know what she was doing here. She wished she could make it that easy
for him. That he could just walk away and that would be that...but she knew that wasn't the case. It was why she'd agonized for so long over whether
or not to tell him. Despite her plan to tell him he didn't need to be involved, that wasn't the kind of father Koi wanted to be. It wasn't the kind of
man he wanted to be. It would make him his own father and he would never let that happen. She hated doing this to him. Hated doing what Shemar had
always accused her of and trapping him this way. Maybe not for money, but they would be connected forever now. He was stuck with her and...this...her
mess.
She followed him into the living room, still talking, still standing as he sat, his sigh filling the room with its heaviness and then...
I'm pregnant.
She kept talking, but Koi's eyes glazed over with the news. She wanted to make it better for him. She told him they didn't need anything from him and
the rest of their conversation was going to be about him being as involved as he wants to be, whatever that means and -- What are you doing,
Devyn? What did you think...
It was her turn to be stunned into silence. Devyn could feel her eyes begin to well as each of his words impaled her. She didn't plan to
"get" anything. She thought she said that. She just...she just thought he would want to know. She thought it was the right thing to do, but now...now
she was positive that, "This was a mistake." Devyn took a step back as his next question came. This one less accusatory and more fact finding. How far
along was she?
"Does it matter-" her tone was flat, deflated. She didn't know what she expected when she came here, but she didn't...him thinking she wanted
something was probably the worst thing she'd imagined. She would answer him anyway. She came here to talk this through and now that it was out, that
was what she was going to do. "Almost 16 weeks...-," she let her response linger between them, unsure of what to say next. She didn't know if she
should stay or go, but despite how he'd reacted she had things she'd planned to say and she was going to say them.
"I didn't think I'd get anything, Koi. I came here because I thought you would want to know. I know you'll have a hang up about stepping away from
this, but it's okay. I want you to know that you can be as involved as you want to be. You've got a few months before the baby comes and you don't
have to do anything before then...I just...I thought...I knew you'd never forgive me for not telling you about your first child. I wouldn't
be able to forgive myself either." She looked away from him then and waited, shifting her weight from foot to foot.
What now?
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
Sixteen weeks… She'd been pregnant for sixteen weeks. She'd had a piece of Koi living inside of her for that long and this was the first
he'd heard of it. And what was worst, he'd seen none of it. He hadn't been there when she'd found out. How had she found out? Was she by herself? Had
she been with Minna? Fuck...did Minna know before he had? All of the questions that were unanswered because of the way shit was between them now.
Something that he should've been there to find out first, he was finding out last, Devyn speaking to him like the deadbeat even HIS father hadn't
been. Because at least his father had married his mother when Baby Koi had popped up unexpectedly. What had he done? What would he do?
I can here because I thought you would want to know... Of course he did. The thought that he wouldn't know about his own child living and in
the world would've destroyed him. And with a possible career with the Lakers hanging in the balance, that secret could've destroyed him. Destroyed
everything he'd been trying to build...especially the part where he'd prove to everyone and himself that he was nothing like his father. And he
guessed he was...in all the worst ways. A girl he'd been head over heels in love with just told him that she was pregnant with his child and he hadn't
asked how she was.
"I know, Devyn. I know. I'm sorry." He was speaking over her and he wasn't listening to her. Her words were quick but he'd heard her. She'd only been
thinking about him. When she made up her mind to come and tell him about the baby, she'd been thinking about him. How he'd regret not knowing about
his child. And he owed her more than the anger and the hurt he'd been holding against her since she'd left him.
"Okay..." He heaved another breath his fingers scratching his curls the way they did when he was nervous.
"Okay." He held his hand out to her, finally looking up at her again.
Sixteen weeks. Almost 4 months without him knowing this huge thing that would mean a hell of a lot of change for the both of them...if she
told him. When she found out, Devyn hadn't been sure about him knowing about the baby. Honestly, before she actually said it out of her mouth a few
minutes ago, she still wasn't sure. It had been easier with everyone else. Immediately after she was sure, she called Miyu. Their relationship was
another one she was trying to repair after all the choices she made in dealing with her family shit. She didn't think Miyu would answer her call, but
she did. And Devyn told her. And they reminisced about the time she had that scare in high school. And they laughed before Miyu, her sister, said she
was booking a flight out to be with her.
Miyu was the one that told her to call Minna so someone was with her in the moment. Minna was another person she had to reconnect with after...she'd
made so many mistakes. There were just so many lies. But Minna forgave her. She loved her. And Devyn loved her back. With Minna and Miyu in the loop
it was easier to tell her aunt and her cousin. Kareem was the last to know and weirdly, the most excited? With all the people she loved the most in
her corner Devyn got more and more confident by the day that keeping her baby was the only option. Koi or no Koi. Because initially...initially she'd
thought the unthinkable.
Not having the baby would have been the easiest option. Nothing had to change and she wouldn't have to have the conversation she was having with Koi
now...but she couldn't do that. Devyn wanted this. She wanted to be a mom. To have family that she could love without condition and would love her the
same. She'd admitted that to herself when she finally got serious about therapy. She needed to be her best if she was going to raise another human
being to be at least halfway decent.
And now Koi knew. Finally. She'd been intentional about not telling Dhonny or Enzo. They would have told him immediately. And even if she could have
sworn them to secrecy, them knowing and not telling Koi definitely would have meant the end of those relationships and Devyn had taken enough from Koi
already. Now even in trying to give him something she was causing him more stress.
He'd snapped at her before, but as the news settled and she explained why she'd come he was softening. Apologizing. Things were...Okay...He
said it nervously, still unsure, his fingers scratching at his curls. Then again, definitively as he reached out to her. Devyn eyed his hand
tentatively. She didn't know what to do. She didn't want to open a door that they-- Please...
She reached for him, letting him pull her down on the couch beside him as his other hand found hers and his thumbs circled over her knuckles. She
warmed at his touch, allowing a small smile to linger on her lips as she waited. She was listening. She was ready to do whatever his decision called
for.
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
To be honest, Koi didn't know why he'd done it. He'd reached for her... He'd broken one of the promises he'd made to himself. He'd let
himself reach for her. After being pushed away from her for so damn long, he couldn't believe he'd opened up his chest for another blow from her. What
if she didn't reach back for him...what if she'd made the same promise to herself and she was only in front of him for the child they apparently
shared, not wanting a damn thing to do with...
The warmth of her skin slowed his thoughts...made him calm. Just like it use to. She curled her fingers around his, filling the spaces they use
to...like they never left. Like she never left. But she had. She'd left him and she was back with so much shit that Koi had literally felt his
shoulders slump under the weight of it all. How was he supposed to...how the fuck were they supposed to do...this? They were fucking kids. They'd
always been kids and yet, life always felt so much bigger than it was. High school, fucked up friends, his asshole father, him pledging Kappa...all of
it seemed so fucking small compared to the shit they'd been through in the past months. Shit he couldn't even think about for fear of retaliation. And
now a baby? That was supposed to be his? Of course it was his. He'd tried for a half of a second. He'd tried to think about the possibility
that Devyn was pregnant by someone else? But how could that have been true when Koi could remember the night that he'd...
"What the hell are we going to do, Devyn?" The question was rhetorical, wasn't it? She was too far along for them to even THINK about making the
decision to not have the baby. And as Koi's eyes slipped from Devyn's to her hand on her barely visible bump... She wasn't giving the baby up and Koi
was sure he wouldn't have been able to make that choice either. But they had to figure out something, right? Especially with him moving to LA and
her...here, in Kapuahi Reef.
He exhaled, leaning away from her as he stared at her stomach. Dropping her hand, he rubbed his chin, willing his hand to drop to the couch and inch
by inch, draw closer to her. Finally, his fingertips grazed her stomach, flinching as there was no mistaking the roundness there. He watched for any
sign that she didn't want him touching her before he let his palm flatten over her stomach.
He was thinking. She could see the wheels turning as Koi looked at their joined hands like he was just as relieved as she was to touch him again. To
know he was here...but was it just going to be for the baby? Devyn knew it was dangerous to think, but what if there was hope for them? They had a lot
to work out, but they could right? They could get past this like they had everything else, couldn't they...She didn't know. And right now she didn't
need to think about that. She needed to be ready for whatever came from Koi next because what mattered - all that truly mattered - was their baby.
What the hell are we going to do? That was up to him. "We" didn't have a decision to make. Devyn had made hers. "Well I am going to
have a baby-," she knew how that sounded and she didn't mean it harshly. She wasn't trying to make the decision in a bubble, she just wanted him to
know...it was just, "Like I said, you get to decide what your part in this is. We have plenty of time to figure out schedules and agreements if that's
what you want...or...the alternative..." Devyn let that linger. He had an out.
Koi didn't answer her though. He instead let go of her hands, his eyes finally drifting to where their child slept in her stomach. Time passed as he
inched closer and closer to her, his fingers unsure against her mid-section as if she might burn him and then finally--
She held his hand over her stomach with both of hers and for the first time in the 16 weeks she'd been with her kid, things felt like a family. With
him and the baby and her finally connected...it was enough to, "I'm sorry-," she took one of her hands from his, wiping her eyes. She didn't know when
she'd started, but she was crying. Fuck! "I don't want this to be weird. I'm sorry," she apologized again, giving a short laugh to try to break some
of the tension, but she didn't really care. This was a big moments for her.
What ever Koi decided, in or out, together or not, this was the family Devyn had always longed for.
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
We have plenty of time to figure out what part you want to play in this... or the alternative...
What alternative? There was no alternative for Koi. Not growing up the way he did. Not when he knew that a selfish, self-absorbed ass nigga like his
father could take responsibility for a family he never wanted in the first place. Koi wouldn't give Shemar that win. He wouldn't be worse than his
half-assed daddy. Not knowing the baby in Devyn's stomach? The baby that was half of him because he put it there? There was no way he'd be that
person. There was no way he'd become that nigga. Did he know what role he'd play in their kid's life? Not at all. Especially not with him in
LA and her in KR. But did he want to make it work any way that he could? Of course he did. But how? How hard would it be to see his child? How hard
would it be to know that he couldn't see them everyday because he and Devyn weren't together. Because they still weren't, no matter what the baby
resting in her stomach meant for them now. Could he deal with that?
And then, his thoughts got quieter. Her hands covered his hand and held it firmly in place. And he felt something...fuck. He didn't know. He had no
idea this meant. He probably still wouldn't be able to put it into words. Not even when it came time to figure out how they were going to
tell her family if she hadn't already. Tell HIS parents...but he felt...something. Their hands together on her stomach meant something. They made
this...together. Out of all of the ups and downs...the downright shit of it all...they'd made this. And that was something...
"Wait...are your crying?" Duh. There were tears streaming down her round cheeks. She took one of her hands from where it rested on top of his on her
belly, wiping at her face.
"Weird ain't the word, Dev." Koi chuckled, rolling his eyes at the fact that she was worried about any of this being weird. They were talking again
after all this time...and she was pregnant. Regardless of what it looked like, they were about to be parents. Together. Koi's lips turned
into a soft smile as he helped her wipe at the tears that were still coming.
"Whatever the word is...I'm not letting you do this by yourself. You don't have to worry about that..."
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