"Breh, you are so not into this game!" Stacy said, Salice looking over her shoulder from her seat on his lap. She smirked, flipping her too-red to be
real ass hair over her shoulder, her focus returning on the game that Koi knew she wasn't watching. She was too busy listening to the conversation
between Koi and Stacy, hoping something would slip out of his mouth about Courtney. But all she was hearing was the one-sided conversation Stacy was
having with himself about the football game that KRU was losing. Koi was tuned out, his eyes too focused on the timeclock that was running down,
making him completely nervous and it didn't have anything to do with the game. He checked the face of his phone again, opening the text thread
between he and Devyn.
U here? The last message he'd sent to her before the game started, unanswered. No surprise, she said she'd text him. He was being extra as
fuck and there was no real reason for him to be. The were going to get up as soon as the...
And that's halftime! Now, for a selection from the three-time award winning, unrivaled, undefeated, can't be duplicated, KRU INCREDIBLE 100
Marching Band!
Half-time. Koi took a deep breath, his eyes closing for a second to steady his nerves.
"Hey, I'mma be right back. Save my seat..." He told Stacy, excusing himself from the row before anyone (especially Salice) could ask where he was
headed.
And that's halftime! Now, for a selection from the three-time award winning, unrivaled, undefeated, can't be duplicated, KRU INCREDIBLE 100
Marching Band!
Of course she was late. She'd spent way too much time cycling through her entire closet looking for something to wear even though: a) she knew she
shouldn't have given a shit about what she was wearing to see him and b) Koi wasn't going to give a shit about what she was wearing to see him. He
probably didn't want to see her at all and he was just being polite...she'd take it at this point though because she had truly been driving herself
crazy. She needed to talk to him about what happened and she had to do it today.
Devyn pulled out her phone and opened their text thread. She wanted to tell him she was here and give her location, but...where the fuck was she? She
had only been to this stadium a couple of times and honestly, each time she'd been a little tipsy. Looking up, she noticed a large '312' on the wall
in front of her. She shot him a quick message.
Quote:
Hey. I'm in the 300 section somewhere? 312? You close or should I meet you somewhere else?
She hit send quickly and waited, pacing absentmindedly as she tried to think of anything that might calm her fucking nerves. She didn't even know what
she was nervous about. It was Koi. She could do this. They were just going to talk...And as if on cue, she saw him round the corner, her lips lifting
automatically.
They were just going to talk.
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
Where the fuck was he even- Koi let out another loud sigh of frustration as he stood in the middle of people milling around in all
directions, using half-time to do every FUCKING thing except for get out of his way. He got it. They wanted popcorn. They had to piss. They wanted to
stand right in front of him and chat up their alumni friends. Koi had to roll his eyes at that one as it was happening, live...in front of him.
"Excuse me, ladies." He said, speaking through his teeth as he forced a smile. Alumni bring alumni dollars and those dollars funded his sole purpose
for being at KRU. Nice was a necessity...even if he did want to knock over the one with the blonde hair and the post-op nose for the look she gave his
semi "Kapernick" (aka "negro") hair. He ignored it through, making his way to...who fucking knew? Devyn hadn't answered his text yet, so he was
basically just wandering around with no...
His phone chime made him reach into the pocket of his gray "KRU Athletic" sweats (the fuck if he was wearing anything over "free" after Tre' got him
for his fucking blazer), his cheeks lifting into an amused smirk at Devyn's text. He chuckled a little, laughing at how they were probably going to
walk around for the entire half-time trying to...
And there she was...
"Dev!" He called, trying to get her attention although she'd turned around right when he'd rounded the corner. He slow jogged, quick "excuse me" and
"sorry" leaving him as he weaved in between people, his slow jog slowing to a walk as they came to stand in front of each other.
"Hey." And just like that, he fell back into it...into the way he felt when he'd seen her at Se7en. Pre-Tre'. She was...Devyn. Big hair,
tight jeans. Smile on her full lips.
Her smile grew as he called her name, his steps careful, but quick through the crowd. Koi stopped in front of her offering a 'hey' as he smiled at
her. "Hi-," she bit her lip then, her hands going behind her back as she shifted nervously. She was fighting the urge to hug him. She saw the trouble
that had gotten her into last night...although she didn't know if she was. He seemed happy to see her. Sure he was a lot more...comfortable than
usual, his sweats making her feel super overdressed even though she'd tried her damnedest to keep it light. But he seemed...fine? Was she over reacting? Was she doing the same shit she used to do and about to make something out of nothing? She was
done asking herself those questions. She was just going to ask him.
"Um, thanks...for meeting up with me-," she took a deep breath then, hoping her request didn't come across pushy. "I kind of wanted to talk to
you...can we sit for a minute?" she pointed to the nearest section and he nodded. They would just find a couple seats and talk last night through. It
was simple...Or at least it should have been, but as they found a couple of seats in the stands away from too many people, she got more and more
nervous about the conversation she wanted to have.
"So...about last night..."
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
About last night, huh? Koi figured that would be the topic of discussion as soon as he'd gotten her text that afternoon. Was he anymore prepared for
it at that moment? Not at all. Talking about Tre', Devyn, and what the combination of their names meant (Tre'vyn?), was uncomfortable. Because it
meant that Koi had to face the fact that there was an "after" when it came to what they'd had. For her, at least. It was uncomfortable...but
necessary. Koi couldn't lie that he'd been waiting for that moment and praying that it never happened at the same time. He knew that it was a
necessary evil. A band-aid that needed to be ripped off. But what he hadn't expected was this. Devyn wanting to talk to him about it. For what? Koi
got it. The equation didn't include him anymore...he'd done enough in the course of their relationship to ensure that. So, as necessary as it was to
talk to her...what he didn't want was her explaining her new equation to him...rationalizing something that didn't involve Koi. Not anymore.
"Hold up..." He said, shaking his head. "...because it feels like you're about to apologize or explain yourself and I'm not hearing it." He slumped
lower in the seat, his hands sliding in the pockets of his hoodie. He wasn't letting her do that. Not today. Not anymore. What did she have to
apologize or explain? Her hanging out with her nigga? Even if "that nigga" was Tre' "try me for my shit and call it 'pledging' because you can't get
your own, lowkey" White. That was her business. Who she was with was her concern. The only thing Koi gave a fuck about was if he was respectful and
treating her right, but that was another conversation.
"If anyone should apologize, it's me. I was trippin', hips. And I didn't mean to trip like that. " He licked his lips, sighing again as he looked up
at her.
Koi was already shaking his head and Devyn sighed because she knew what was coming. She'd said it months ago during her visit and she still meant it
now. She couldn't fight with him anymore. She'd never liked it and she certainly hadn't come here with that intention. She just wanted to make sure
they were...good...whatever that meant for them now. She didn't like being at odds with Koi and even when they weren't talking, that was better than
having him be upset with her now. Because she knew he was upset. She'd seen it last night and he was confirming it now as he tried to stop the
conversation at the outset.
...because it feels like you're about to apologize or explain yourself and I'm not hearing it. Well shit. He had her there. She was going to
apologize...but she should have! Kind of...In her defense, she hadn't known Koi would be there and they hadn't really talked enough for her to see any
reason to bring up the fact that she was dating again. It would only hurt him...like this had. And he was admitting that he'd been hurt...well,
"trippin'" in his words.
Devyn looked at him then, her eyes leaving the back of the seat in front of her for the first time and connecting with his. She could feel her brows
furrow with his apology...it confused her because it wasn't...an argument. Honestly, she didn't know what to do with it.
"Koi, you don't have to apologize. I just...-," she lost her words. She didn't know how to say what she wanted to and it not come across as the
apology or explanation he didn't want. "Can we just...can we be honest for a minute here?" She knew what vulnerability meant when she was around
him...
"I don't know how to be around you anymore-," she paused looking for the right words. She looked away from him as she said, "Last night, I
didn't expect you to be there and then you were and...I liked that." She smiled then, willing herself not to look at his reaction. "I miss having you
around, but I don't know how to do...us anymore." Whew. That was probably more honest than she should have been. She wasn't trying to give him the
wrong idea, but she...she didn't know. She wanted them to be friends, she guessed? And not what they had been over the summer where they spoke in
passing...she wanted Koi in her life.
"You weren't trippin' last night. I just think...we have to figure out how to...be. I mean...if you, like...want that. Because I know you
weren't 'just surprised' either." She looked at him then. She knew he didn't want it, but, "I hurt you. And I should apologize for that..."
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
He DID have to apologize. If Koi couldn't do anything else for Devyn, he could apologize. And for more than just the shit that had...or hadn't gone
down the night before. She wasn't wrong. He had be angry. He'd been embarrassed. He'd been...jealous. Sad. Alone. He'd felt every single
feeling all at once, falling on him. Sitting on him so heavy that he'd seen hints of the "him" he was still trying to leave behind. The anger. The
outburst. The need to punch or kick the shit out of the closet thing he could get his hands on. He didn't like being in that place anymore, yet that's
where he was the second something didn't go his way. And he would've taken all of that out on Devyn had he still dealt with his shit the way he had
before rehab. Yelling. Accusing...all because he...
I don't know how to be around you anymore- That. Because he didn't know how to do the VERY thing that Devyn'd just admitted to being as well.
They didn't know how to do...this. Whatever this was. It wasn't together...so it was the foreign thing they had to work around. The elephant in the
room.
"I feel you." He said simply, listening to her. Hearing her talk about how she liked seeing him in the club, even though she didn't expect him. How
she missed having him around, even if she didn't know how to do...them. How he wasn't trippin' because they both felt it...well, sort of felt it.
"You know what happened when I saw you at the club?" He asked, hearing her. Knowing he should've responded to what she'd just said about building a
friendship. About her hurting him and wanting to apologize for it. But he...he had to get it off his chest.
"I felt the same way that I'd felt seeing you for the first time this semester at the 'Caf. I felt...hope...I think." He looked down at his hands,
biting at his lip. He wanted to look anywhere but her in that moment. At the band. At the field. At ANYTHING.
"I felt hope that...we'd just do us again. That nothing would matte. That we'd find a way to talk about shit and we'd be...us again. And that was
selfish of me." He admitted it. He inhaled and exhaled slowly, his eyes meeting hers again...a smirk forcing its way on his lips.
"Then I saw you with Tre'...and I thought, 'She's happy. Don't fuck it up for her.' And then I felt...like I was hoping for shit on my own. And I got
mad. And yeah...I was hurt. But that wasn't on you, Dev. That's on me. I don't want you to apologize for that..."
Koi said he got it. That he "felt" her. Devyn didn't think he did. Sure, he might be able to relate to not being super sure of himself when she was
around. He could probably even relate to the feeling of easily slipping into old habits and having to catch himself...but, he wasn't feeling what
Devyn felt. He probably didn't feel his heart skip and his breathing hitch every time he caught a glimpse of her. He probably didn't have that little
flutter that started in the in the pit of his stomach and warmed his whole body when she said his name. He probably wasn't fighting the urge to kiss
her every second they were close because he knew that it would mean...Koi was past all of it. At least it seemed like it...He'd evolved.
Devyn knew that to be true as he ignored her question and told her what happened when he saw her at Se7en. I felt...hope...Devyn looked at
him then, but he didn't look up. She knew he was avoiding her gaze purposely. This was new for both of them. Koi was actually, really talking
to her.
Sure, Devyn had come to talk, but to be honest she hadn't expected to get much from it. If this were happening back when they were in their
situationship? Avoidance. Denial. Changing the subject. Distracting her with his touch...This was different though. It was what she'd hoped for. A
real conversation about where they were now that could maybe turn into how they got back to at least being cool again...Koi'd had hope for more.
"Oh...Koi-," she sighed then. It was her turn to look away from him. He still wanted them. He wanted all their shit not to matter and for them to just
fall back into being together. Devyn wanted that to. She wanted it all to not matter and she wanted to be able to just kiss him then and there and
tell him she'd been miserable without him. She couldn't though. For more reasons than she was ready to tell him at that moment, she could
not get back with him like nothing happened.
Then I saw you with Tre'...Devyn's lips pulled into a smirk that matched his as she listened to his assessment of she and Tre'. How happy she
seemed with him...did she? Devyn guessed Tre' made her happy. He certainly made her horny, but she didn't know about happy. It didn't feel right for
the two of them...Sure he was fun, but Devyn wasn't fulfilled in what they were doing. It was just...sex.
But she wasn't telling Koi that. Especially not as he admitted he was hurt. As he told her he felt like he was hoping on his own. He kind of was. Did
Devyn want Koi back? Yes. Unequivocally. She loved him when she broke up with him and she loved him still...but she was doing this new thing where she
loved herself more and even with him being all open about his emotions and shit, Koi...
"Kid, listen...I miss you. Tre' or no Tre', I'm always going to care about you and I would never purposely hurt you." She paused then, her
hand going carefully into his as their fingers intertwined. "But Koi I'm not ready to try...I still just...can't." Her voice was a whisper now as she
put all of her energy into trying not to cry. She could feel the lump in her throat as her eyes warmed and watered. She didn't want to cry in front of
him though. This had gone too well.
Getting to tell him she missed him felt like the heaviest weight being lifted off her shoulders. If nothing else came from this, Koi had given her
that relief. He'd let her eek out just a bit of all the shit she was still carrying for him...and for that she was more than grateful.
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
He couldn't help it. He felt the deep down twinge of jealous tugging at him as he watched the smirk that formed on her lips. Not that he thought that
smirk belonged to Tre' now. Nah, that wasn't it. He was jealous that that smirk wasn't because of him anymore. He lost the rights to that smirk some
months ago. When he did the unthinkable...twice. He understood her...and he respected her. Even as she told him that she missed him, whether she was
with Tre' or not. And he believed her words. She would always care about him. She would never hurt him on purpose. He believed her.
But I'm not ready to try...I still just...can't. He believed her. He believed that the most out of everything she'd said to him as they sat
on the stands, their hands joined together. The tears in her eyes so close to spilling over.
"I know." He said, his words quick, but meaningful. He got it. There was so much toxic. In him. In them. It was time for her to have something else.
Something that wouldn't eat her alive the way he had. She was a shell that night. The night he'd proposed. He'd eaten away every good thing with his
shit. And all that was left was...anger. Her rage. Her being "done". Done with them.
"I couldn't ask for that from you anyway. I love you, Devy." He kissed the back of her hand quickly, letting it go as he watched her process his
words.
"I always will. No matter what 'this'..." He motioned between them.
Again, he didn't. Devyn really couldn't believe that Koi would know what she meant she she said the word 'can't' to him. He could not possibly have
any idea what the depth of that word meant she said it to him about them. As much as she wanted it, she literally couldn't do being with him again.
Prom night and graduation and all the stuff before it had been so much. Koi had broken her in just a few weeks and she knew she wouldn't be
able to take that again. Not now...maybe not ever. Right now, she couldn't even try. And, fuck she wanted to. Especially as he said it. The
word she'd been skirting around since they'd sat down here.
She loved him too. So much. But telling him so would only give him hope that she couldn't say wasn't false. She closed her eyes as his lips touched
the back of her hand in the most bittersweet of kisses. A tear dropped and she swiped at it quickly as he let her hand go. He would always love her.
No matter how they labeled what they had, he would always love her. She believed him. She understood it. She knew the same was true for her.
She knew what she wanted to say back, but she couldn't...so she didn't. Instead, "So what does this look like?" she took a deep breath then, trying to
steady herself. "Can we...at least be more than we have been? I want to see you more, kid." She smiled, her shoulder nudging his playfully. Maybe this
was how they got back to the real them. They'd started as friends right?
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
That was a question he didn’t know if he could answer. After their breakup, Koi had been hesitant to think about anything that meant the
absence of their relationship. He physically couldn’t. He’d been so dependant on her being there that he hadn’t thought of a
moment when she wasn’t. When she wasn’t holding him up...pulling him through his shit. And he knew how unfair that had been for him to
depend on her that way now. But the point is, he’d never thought about what it would mean to just be
Devyn’s…friend. No gimmicks. No bullshit. Just friends.
“I don’t know.†He admitted his expression changed, his face growing serious. He wanted to give her an answer, make the solution
easy. But he knew it wouldn’t be. He also knew that that wouldn’t keep him from being in her life, his lips curling into a smile again
as Devyn told him that she wanted to see more of him.
“Of course we can. I’d like that.†He smiled at her again, returning her soft shoulder bump.
“And we can start hanging out...at concessions. I’m hungry as hell. Buy some nachos for a nigga…†He laughed, as he stood,
grabbing her hands and pulling her to her feet as well.
![[*]](images/davis/default_icon.gif){kind=icon}
