“I mean, he was really sweet or whatever, he just...wasn’t...I don’t know,” Devyn didn’t know what to make of her cousin’s latest attempt
to set her up. It had happened only once before and that had been okay too but neither of the guys had been...right. She couldn’t explain it and
really she didn’t want to. But it was Miyu’s duty as her bestie to ask how her “date” went. She wasn’t into calling them that; to her they
were chill sessions. A date implied she was remotely interested. Most of the time she wasn’t. And it wasn’t even about the boys! They seemed like
good guys from what she could pick up. They had been cute enough, Jason especially whom she had already made plans to go out with tonight, but it
never felt...right...But whatever. She was living the dream; dating college guys and living her senior year.
“Maybe next time you can double with me and I’ll make Carter go.” Devyn smiled at her best friend then, teasing her about a crush she’d had
since the two of them met. Carter and Miyu. Miyu and Carter. She could see it happening if it wasn’t for the girlfriend he’d had for the last
three and a half years...and the fact that Mi would never admit that crush to his face. “What you think maybe next week?” she laughed, her hand
returning to the rack of crop tops in front of her and she just flipped through them...maybe a new one for her movie tonight?
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
Why was she wasting her time? By "she", Miyu obviously meant the only girl she'd been comfortable enough to call her "best friend", Devyn. And by
"wasting of time"...she clearly referred to the pointless "chill sessions" that Devyn's cousin had been sending her on since she and the Kidd had
stopped talking...if you could even call it that. Sure, they spoke occasionally whenever they spotted each other in the halls at King's or at some
random party, but that was it. There was no hanging, no conversation and definitely no "chill sessions" between the two. And Miyu thought that was
just...sad. Sad and pointless for the both of them. Koi was too busy wallowing in his inability to not be a man whore and Devyn was...Devyn was
healing, she guessed. Even if "healing" meant spending time with guys that were as exciting as paint drying.
"He just...wasn't...Koi? Is that what you meant?" An angelic smile graced her heart shaped lips. But there was nothing "angelic" about Miyu, nor the
her "blunt truth" lips. "I'm pretty sure that's what you meant." Chuckling to herself, she let her eyes roam the rack she stood in front of...only to
avoid the look that she knew had taken over Devyn's face the moment she mentioned Koi's name. What? It was the truth! Devyn wasn't having NEAR as much
fun as she had when she was with Koi. Sure, the fought half...okay, most of the time they were together, but they were like yin and yang. The ideas
were opposite, but they fit. And no college boy could ever replace a feeling like that.
...and I'll make Carter go. At the sound of THAT name, Miyu's thoughts left Devyn's saga and returned to her own. Or lack thereof. Carter
Nixon. Also known as the "Unattainable Doe"...or something equally as sad and poetic. In Miyu's world, Carter was the one thing that didn't
fit...and did at the same time. He was a smart jock, the ones that play sports and make amazing grades on top of the athletic prowess. He actually his
uniform the "regulation" way. He was always on time for his classes and there was never a scandal attached to his name. He was the epitome of good and
perfect, everything Miyu wasn't. And yet, she just couldn't stop...thinking about him, watching him...liking him. He didn't fit...but he didn't leave
either. She'd liked him for years and with every year that passed, he stayed as untouchable as the last.
"Very funny, bitch..." Miyu retorted, her sneer turning into a smile, snatching the crop top that had caught Devyn's attention away from her before
she'd gotten the chance to reach for it. "But we're not talking about me...we're talking about you and your boring suitors. What do you guys even TALK
about? They're college guys. Why are they wasting their time with some high school girl, anyway? Kinda weird, right?" Hey. Those were all valid
questions. Valid and maybe a little pretentious, but still valid!
it's the wantin' you, never gettin' you keeps me wantin' you... 強迫観念
Koi. Why did she always do this? Fucking always. Her eyes cut at Miyu as she tried to look all innocent and shit. Rude. It’d been
months since she and Koi talked...like really talked. Sure, she spoke when she saw him in the hall or at a party and they were still partners in Orgo,
but she hadn’t talked to Koi in forever. She was done with him. She’d said she was when they stood face to face in that classroom and he told her
how it was going to be. It was fine. It hadn’t been then, but it was now. She was over it but Miyu wasn’t and occasionally Dhonny brought it up
too. They needed to mind their fucking business. “Boo bitch, bye I meant what I said Mi. This don’t have shit to do with him.” And it didn’t.
She was going on a second chill session wasn’t she? Damn. The world didn’t fucking revolve around Koi Kidd. Sometimes it revolved around Carter.
She laughed as her teasing elicited a sneer from Miyu and shut her up about Koi at the same time. Served her right. “I am ain’t I. Know who’s
funnier? Your boyfriend Carter,” She laughed a little harder as she snatched a top of interest from under her hand. Salty? No just wanting to talk
more about the few guys that still existed in Devyn’s life. Ugh. There was really nothing to tell, or at least that’s what Devyn thought until
Miyu started firing off question after question about...--excuse her!
“Fuck you! I’ll have you know I’ve very mature for my age, bitch.” It sounded as childish as she’d imagined before she said it and that only
made her laugh harder. “Do you think that’s why Carter hasn’t asked you to marry him yet? Because you’re a silly high school girl that
doesn’t know how to mind her damn business?” Oops. Had she slipped back into Koi territory? Maybe a little.
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
She meant what she said. Of course Devyn did. And Miyu was sure that she meant what she'd said when they had a conversation about how 2 Chainz was
real music, too. Just because she meant it, it didn't mean what she believed was true. And that was the heart of the issue between her and Koi. Devyn
wanted to keep pretending like she was over something, in a couple months, that took her less time to fall into and Miyu didn't believe it. Dhonny
didn't either! As far as she was concerned, they were the only ones weren't lying to themselves about the entire situation. At least where Koi and
Devyn were involved. But if Devyn wanted to keep denying what she still had feelings for and what she didn't, it wasn't Miyu's concern. Eh, who was
she kidding? This was Miyu's livelihood. The "Devyn/Koi" saga kept the idiotic annoyance of King's at a bare minimum. And aside from the drama that
they brought, whether Devyn wanted to admit it, she and Koi were better together than they were apart. The only thing that was nearly good about what
Miyu wanted to believe was a "temporary separation" was the time that Miyu got to spend with Devyn now that Koi wasn't around...and maybe, possibly
the time she got to spend looking at Carter. Winning...
Again, Devyn mentioned his name like she was reading Miyu's mind. She was such the laugh. She really was. The sarcasm behind that thought was only
apparent in the lack of amusement on Miyu's face. Devyn was lucky that Miyu loved her. Very lucky.
"I'm ignoring you." Miyu said simply, waving away her comment as her eyes returned to the rack. She wasn't really looking, she just hated looking at
Devyn when they talked about Carter. There was always this goofy look on her best friend's face when she spoke about her cousin. Almost like the
situation wasn't as sad as it was! Carter wasn't even an option for Miyu. Not in the past, before Devyn and Miyu found each others' friendship, not in
the present and not in the future. He was...off limits. And by off limits, Miyu meant "too damn perfect to even notice that Miyu was a person and not
some weird inanimate object decorating the room". It was a lost cause. She didn't even register when it came to Carter Nixon. And she didn't even have
the faith that one day, she would.
"Harsh." Miyu said quietly, signaling that Devyn had gone too far. But there was no anger in her very usual change of topic when things got
too..."Carter-full".
"Like I said, we're not talking about me. So..." Picking up another top, Miyu tapped her lips with a careful, knuckle ring adorned finger. "What
makes...what's his name? Jamison? Jack? Whatever...what makes him worthy of another date? He can't be THAT interesting..."
it's the wantin' you, never gettin' you keeps me wantin' you... 強迫観念
Of course she was ignoring her. Miyu couldn’t handle when someone teased her about her little crush, but Devyn and Koi’s legit...whatever it was?
Open season. It didn’t happen like that. She couldn’t play with her feelings for Koi and not get played in return. She should have known better by
now...not that Devyn still had feelings for Koi...It was more like feelings about Koi. She could admit to that. It wasn’t like they
hadn’t spent a lot of time together. They had been close once, people didn’t just let that go; but her feelings for Koi were long gone and Miyu
had to come to terms with that. Which was completely ridiculous because it hadn’t even been her relationship!
But she would digress, especially when her last comment had a little too much bite on it. It couldn’t be helped, it was how she got when her friend
mentioned her ex-friend. She sighed as Miyu changed the subject back Justin and what made him worthy. Hell, she didn’t know...He was cute enough and
honestly that was what he was riding on...Fuck. Wait. Justin? Jordan? Shit!
“First of all, his name is Jason-,” she hoped, “and he’s...different. I don’t know, we just kind of...click.” Meh. Not really
true. Not that Jason wasn’t a great guy; he was kind of funny and he seemed like he had a plan for his entire life but...it was boring! She hated
talking about shit that really mattered because in all honesty, she was a senior in high school and she had no idea what she wanted to do with her
life. She wasn’t a plan maker. She never had been. Devyn was a spur of the moment, just-do-it kind of girl so the thought that this man had a 5 year
plan for his life was baffling to her. The fact that he’d told her about it...bored her to tears. But he was so nice to look at...“He makes plans
Mi,” she lowered her voice, turning away from Miyu as if something else on a nearby rack had caught her attention as she finished, “shows he can
commit to things...” Gah! She hated Miyu for doing this. Putting her back in that Koi state of mind! It was always hell getting back out. No, know
what? Fuck it. She wanted to go there? They could.
“I think I like him more because he’s someone I have an actual shot with.” Her voice was blunt and matter-of-fact, because the matter of fact
was, Koi wasn’t going to happen. She was over it. It was Miyu’s turn.
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
They weren't about to have a back and forth about each other's...boys, although...Carter had never been Miyu's. It had always been her, dreaming about
the day when she could even say that he saw her and didn't look through her...or look AT her and STILL not see her. She was just Devyn's friend.
Nothing else. And probably never anything else. But with Devyn, it was different. Koi was hers. He'd been hers from the moment they met. Even
though the circumstances were always...stressed between them, Koi and Devyn were something that she and Carter weren't. And no matter how
many times Koi told Devyn differently, Miyu knew the truth. Call it, "insight". Koi didn't have girls who were friends. Especially not girls like
Devyn. There was only one thing that "The Kidd" knew how to do with a pretty girl...and what that was, Miyu knew firsthand.
"Jason, Jacob...Joaquin...whatever." Miyu mumbled as Devyn continued talking about how different this college guy was and how they just worked. Miyu
couldn't help but chuckle, her smirk displaying her disbelief. Some college guy that was friends with Carter? Clicking with Devyn? Ha. Completely
laughable. Don't get her wrong, Carter was a good guy. There was something...pure in him that Miyu couldn't stop from drawing her in. And the guys he
hung with were probably duplicates. And that was the problem. Devyn didn't do...guys like that. The "pull your chair out, open your car door for you"
kind of guy didn't seem to be something that attracted her...especially since she liked Koi Kidd. He was abrasive. The King of the Assholes, honestly.
So why this guy? Why now?
And then the answer. "He makes plans, Mi... And knowingly, Miyu nodded, her lips curling softly into a smile. She wanted someone that would
stick to what they said. She wanted someone who wouldn't be so afraid of the demons inside that they couldn't move on. She wanted something that Koi
couldn't be. Well...wouldn't be.
"You know..." Miyu said, her voice soft, but firm. The voice that she put on when she actually wanted to soften the blow of her serial bluntness.
"Just because he's the anti-Kidd, that doesn't mean that he's the one..." She bit her lip a little before she turned as looked at Devyn. Watching her
friend for a moment, she could see why the Kidd liked her. She was outgoing, firm...no bullshit. And she was strong. She did what it took to move on
and not grovel after the Kidd after he ended it like other girls did. Miyu wasn't one of those girls, no way. The mutual understanding and a bit too
much to drink had been the agreement after she and Koi's one night stand. There wasn't any chemistry in the first place. But Devyn and Koi...yeah,
they were a different story. Completely different...
"I just want you to be happy...and be careful." And that was it. Obviously, as much as Miyu didn't want to mention Carter, Devyn didn't want to talk
"Koi". And that was fine...just as long as the next topic wasn't Carter Dixon.
it's the wantin' you, never gettin' you keeps me wantin' you... 強迫観念
Koi had never been Devyn’s. That was what the whole issue was between them. Koi didn’t do “labels”, he didn’t do relationships. He wasn’t
hers and she wasn’t his and they just...were. And that had been cool up until they started something that might have been...real. What they’d had
Christmas night had been entirely too real for Devyn to ignore and because she couldn’t ignore what happened, she’d taken to ignoring Koi. Which
was a mistake. She should have talked to him about it. Right when it happened. Right when Eri fell back asleep and she and Koi sat awkwardly in his
living room waiting for the other to say something. She shouldn’t have said goodnight. She should have asked what happened. She should have asked it
then, instead of in an empty classroom months later. Fuck. She was doing it again. The shit was over and reviewing the ‘shoulda, woulda,
coulda’ s wasn’t going to do anything but frustrate her more. She was over it. She was.
So why was she still thinking about him. Still talking about him with Miyu; comparing every guy she dated after him to him. She and Koi hadn’t even
dated! But without fail she found herself tallying up all the things that weren’t “Koi-like” in the boy she was with. Even now with Jason.
He makes plans. He did. He made a lot more plans than she cared for personally but he made plans and he stuck to them. He was okay with
keeping to one path, he was okay with finding a good thing and sticking with it. Koi wasn’t...of course that didn’t mean Jason was “the one”.
She knew that before Miyu said it.
Devyn chuckled a bit, her words light as she tried to bring things back to something a little less...ugh, “Miyu, I’m not looking for “the
one”. I’m just having a little fun. And despite what you think, Jason does that for me.” She smiled then, her unintentional deep moment passing
as Miyu closed it out with something sweet. “Awwww! You love me, that’s so-,” Devyn’s words were stopped as her phone rang, signaling her aunt. Uh oh. What had she done now? Pulling the phone from her back pocket, she gave Miyu a quick eyeroll before placing the
phone at her ear, smile returning to her face as if Athena could see her.
“Hi Athena-,” it was her usual peppy tone. The one she used when she wasn’t really interested in talking and she was looking more for a point
than a conversation, but she didn’t want to seem rude...Today that wasn’t a problem.
“You need to come home. Right now.” The fuck was this? Athena knew that wasn’t the way to get what she wanted out of Devyn. She didn’t respond
well to commands and she sure as hell wasn’t on anybody else’s schedule...but there was something in her voice...
“Why? I left less than an hour ago. I can-”
“No. Devyn, you-,” she paused, her voice cracking as she recovered, “Come home, sweetheart.” Devyn felt her heart drop to the soles of her
feet, her mind racing with the hundred things that might be wrong. Why was she crying? Why did Devyn need to come...oh God...He was here. Her father
was here. He’d tracked her and he found her and he was...Oh no. No, no, no, no, no! This wasn’t real. This wasn’t happening. She was going to
blink and wake up and this wasn’t going to be happening...but even as she did, the tears that had been on the brim of her eyes falling, she knew
that wasn’t true.
“Athena you’re scaring me-,” She had to know. She had to ask, “Is he here?”
“Of course not, Devyn. But you have to come home love. Something’s happened.”
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
![[*]](images/davis/default_icon.gif){kind=icon}
