Kapuhai Reef
Go To Bottom


Not logged in [Login ]
Printable Version  
Author: Subject: Intensive Care Unit (ICU)
Ally
Super Administrator
*********

Avatar



Posts: 494
Registered: 24-1-2011
Member Is Offline

Mood: post in da back...

[*] posted on 16-4-2011 at 10:16 AM
Intensive Care Unit (ICU)





Please try not to disturb those beside you.
View user's profile View All Posts By User This user has MSN Messenger
Koi
Member
***


Avatar


Posts: 315
Registered: 6-11-2011
Member Is Offline

Mood: No Mood

[*] posted on 23-8-2019 at 02:11 PM


Koi didn't believe the hype. He never did and he never would. Especially when people would get on television talking about it like it was some miraculous event. Miracle type shit. Miracles weren't real. He'd figured that out when his father was damn near bashing his fucking brain out in the middle of the living room. Yeah, some times good things happened...and then the bad shit reappeared...consistent and always there. So, when he woke up in the hospital room, the light stinging his eyes as he tried to adjust to the too bright room, he'd already known. More bad shit, right?

His mother slept so lightly. She'd heard him shift in the bed, his hands, slow and groggy, fumbling at the pain on the back of his left hand. He sucked in air as he shifted what felt like an IV, the pain from handling it moving up his entire arm. He heard his mother move from the chair that the nurses had folded out into a couch so that she could stay with him. So that she wouldn't miss a thing. She hovered over him for a second as he blearily stared at her, his eyes attempting to adjust. Her hand fumbled for something by the side of his bed. She cursed quietly, her hand going to his cheek as she placed her lips on his forehead quickly and then left the room. He felt himself slipping again. Back...out. It wasn't sleep. He knew that...it was something heavier and...

His eyes fluttered open again and the room was lighter. Shadows moved slowly on the wall near the television. Some news program was playing...and Koi could tell that it was late in the day. Time was moving weird... He shifted his head and he saw his mother again, her fingers typing feverishly at the screen of her cellphone. He watched her awhile before he shifted, drawing her attention. She looked at him, a way too bright smile on her lips.

"Hey Koi boy..." She spoke quietly, walking towards the bed.

"Hey..." He whispered.





you're so brave.
stonecold crazy for lovin' me. & i'm amazed.
hope you make it out alive...

View user's profile View All Posts By User
Fumie
Member
***




Posts: 160
Registered: 28-7-2012
Member Is Offline

Mood: No Mood

[*] posted on 23-8-2019 at 03:17 PM


In and out for days...

Her baby had been in that hospital bed for the better part of a week and she had been with him for most of it. Leaving him only to check on Eri--who hadn't left Devyn's side since the incident--and come right back. She couldn't not be here if...when he woke up for good. She wanted to be his first face. Their first night here was the worst of it. Doctors talked about how important it was to monitor the water in his lungs from the tub and how much blood he'd lost "was cause for concern". This whole thing was cause for concern...for most.

Dhonny and Miyu had been at the hospital daily since the first night. Devyn had been calling, but with Eri refusing to come to the hospital, she hadn't been able to physically be there yet...secretly, Fumie could tell she preferred it that way. When they talked she could hear the apprehension in her voice. The distance. She didn't want to be here anymore than Eri did and they probably had the same reason...seeing him like this was hard. It wasn't her son.

Fumie wasn't delusional. Koi was troubled. He coped in unhealthy ways and this wasn't their first suicide attempt, but...he almost did it this time. Her first born almost died and it shifted so much shit into perspective. In the other few times they'd been together in the hospital after overdoses or his even after his first attempt, Fumie felt guilt. She felt like she should have known. Like she should have been paying more attention. That she had failed as a mother. She felt those things for herself and it had taken her this long to realize that. This time that wasn't what she felt. This time, she was angry.

Not with Koi, of course, but with the people who made him. The people who claimed to raise him and love him. His father hadn't visited. Fumie liked to think it was because he felt ashamed for almost killing his only son, but deep down she knew it was because he didn't give a shit. He'd caused this and he felt justified and she knew that. Shemar didn't care and that made her angry, but she expected that from him. She was most upset with herself. She could not keep doing this to Koi. It was her. Being with Shemar for so long, shutting Koi and his emotions out because she was trying to handle her own, making Eri live that same life. Her kids were afraid of their father and still she'd stayed. She stayed until this happened. What the fuck?

It had taken her way too long to recognize that she was doing this to Koi. And while his father was directly responsible, she hadn't loved him enough to protect him from him before they even got here...That was changing.

Koi stirred again as she finished an email to her divorce lawyer, finalizing edits on the petition so she could serve him herself when the time came. She had to start focusing on what mattered. On who mattered.

"Hi, baby-," her voice cracked but she smiled, keeping the instant tears that started every time he was strong enough to look at her at bay. This time he'd spoken; how could she not smile? She stood, approaching his bedside and running a hand over his curls. "How are you feeling? Do you want me to get a nurse?"




I was a heavy heart to carry but, he never let me down.
When he held me in his arms my feet never touched the ground.
View user's profile View All Posts By User
Koi
Member
***


Avatar


Posts: 315
Registered: 6-11-2011
Member Is Offline

Mood: No Mood

[*] posted on 23-8-2019 at 03:45 PM


Everything...hurt. Like really fucking hurt. His throat...his legs and back...his wrists. Mostly his wrists. They were tightly wrapped. Koi didn't have to look down at them to know that delightful fact. And without looking, Koi already knew what was beneath them. He knew because...for the last couple of years, he'd see the light scars from the last time. And he remembered those scars because...

He closed his eyes at those thoughts. He wasn't ready for them. Not yet. He could barely remember how the hell he'd gotten to this room...this bed. But he knew, without a doubt. He'd put himself here. He'd done it before. And with a sour smirk, he couldn't help but wonder if this was the same room they'd put him in the last time. His mother, ever the concerned parent/mom-ager had "insisted" (paid off) with most of the staff that he had his own room. Hell, if it was possible, he'd have had his own ward. Anything to keep the Kidd name out of the paper. Anything to keep her "fuck up" of a son and his shitty suicide attempts secret. Covered up. Hush-hush. And she was pretty damn good at it, too. She threw NDAs around like fucking beads during Mardi Gras. All of him...just for him. Her son, the fuck up.

"I'm fine..." He insisted quickly, his hand raising to stop her from fucking coddling it. Not because he didn't want it. Because at that moment, all he wanted was for her to ...hold him. But...he didn't deserve it.

"Seriously...calm down. Shit..." He grimaced at how harsh his words were. He looked at her, his eyes still squinted against the burning at his wrists. Against the sharp, irritating thrum of his headache at his temples. Against the fucking shame...

"I'm sorry..." He spat quickly, coughing to clear his throat again. "I'm sorry. I'm just-" He licked his dry lips as he tried to sit up more in the hospital bed. As he tried to get comfortable when the last thing he deserved was comfort.

"Where's..." He started, his voice like gravel. Where was who? His family? His friends? All the people he fucked over ONCE AGAIN with his stupidity? His words fell quiet as he exhaled.





you're so brave.
stonecold crazy for lovin' me. & i'm amazed.
hope you make it out alive...

View user's profile View All Posts By User
Fumie
Member
***




Posts: 160
Registered: 28-7-2012
Member Is Offline

Mood: No Mood

[*] posted on 23-8-2019 at 04:25 PM


He said he was fine, but she felt him wince as he waved her off. He heard the irritation in his voice as he told her to calm down. She smirked. Anywhere else, her reaction would have been different. Koi knew it, a quick apology following his outburst. He didn't need to apologize. It didn't matter. She was just happy he was talking. Her lips fell to his forehead in a kiss that reminded her of how she checked his temperature when he was a boy. It lingered just long enough for her to feel some of the warmth returning to him after some cold, cold days. He was talking.

Where's...she pulled away from him then, taking the water off his nightstand and pouring him a cup. He never finished his question, a sigh ending what she knew he wanted to know.

"Well, Dhonny was just here about 20 minutes ago-," she handed him the cup and watched as he sipped, "Slow, baby..." she smiled again as he looked at her with the eyes that said he had it and continued. "He has his senior recital today so he had to leave, but he said he and Miyu would be in the morning." That was nice, but it wasn't who he was asking about...

"Devyn...has been with your sister since...the incident-," she trailed off, unsure of how much he remembered. Did he know Eri was the one that...he didn't need the details now. "She calls every hour or two to check in, but I asked her to keep Eri home." She watched his face fall and her half smile faltered in turn. "Now that you're up though, once you're feeling up to it, I'm sure they'll both be knocking down the door to see you, Sweets."

She kissed him again, taking his now empty cup and refilling it. Silently willing him to say something. Anything.




I was a heavy heart to carry but, he never let me down.
When he held me in his arms my feet never touched the ground.
View user's profile View All Posts By User
Koi
Member
***


Avatar


Posts: 315
Registered: 6-11-2011
Member Is Offline

Mood: No Mood

[*] posted on 25-8-2019 at 06:21 AM


And even though he hadn't finished his question, his Moms already knew the words that his sigh replaced. She could lowkey read his mind, which was why he could barely keep the relief off of his face as she poured him a cup of water and spoke the names that Koi was thinking of the most. The names he was almost nervous to hear. He sipped...more like poured the water down his scratchy, parched throat.

Dhonny and Miyu. They'd been by...right before he'd woken up. He'd missed them. Dhonny had his senior recital (which Koi was supposed to be attending had he not fucked everything to hell) and Miyu was probably preparing for hers if she hadn't had it already...and he was missing it. Just like he'd probably missed most of his finals. Just like he'd missed Senior Skip Day (he did that almost every week so he wasn't missing much). And just like...he'd missed prom.

And like his mother was mind reading again, she mentioned the names that made his "almost nervousness" turn into straight up disgust. And anger. And disappointment. Devyn and Eri. His babes. The one who had his heart and the little girl that made it beat. He cleared his throat again...but this time, it was keep the thick feeling that was taking it over, filling it, nearly overwhelming him at bay. He couldn't even begin to think how Devyn and Eri were...dealing with this. With him. Someone was always having to "deal" with him. His mistakes. The drugs. The anger. The fucking culmination of it all. And neither of them deserved it. Devyn had deserved to go to prom. She deserved a night without drama...without him fucking everything up. And Eri...well, she deserved a brother that wasn't a fucking mess...

Koi's eyes were downcast as he played with the gauze on his right wrist, picking at it. He was glad. Glad Devyn could be what he couldn't be. Glad she could be the sister that Eri needed. Glad she was protecting her...from him.

"When...can I see them?" He asked that question slowly, his mother pecking him lightly on the top of his head.

"I mean...I get it. Eri probably shouldn't see me like this." She shouldn't have to see her brother on the other side of a suicide attempt. She'd missed seeing him through bars and his almost overdoses. Thankfully...

"I'm just glad she didn't see..." He stopped short again...sniffling as forced the words...and the tears down his swollen throat.





you're so brave.
stonecold crazy for lovin' me. & i'm amazed.
hope you make it out alive...

View user's profile View All Posts By User
Fumie
Member
***




Posts: 160
Registered: 28-7-2012
Member Is Offline

Mood: No Mood

[*] posted on 25-8-2019 at 08:37 AM


Fumie didn't have to read his mind. His emotions were written all over his face. The disappointment in missing his friend mere minutes ago, the realization that he had missed a lot more in his time here, the most important even being prom. His connecting that in his head to Devyn, and his subsequent shame as Fumie mentioned she and Eri. She watched him feel all of those things at once and felt the worry building in her the same way it had after the last time they did this.

Koi's first attempt had been a lot of the same. The cuts weren't as deep and Fumie had gotten to him sooner, but everything else was his M.O. She remembered the blame and guilt he shared with her. She remembered holding him through the crying spells and giving him just enough space when he lashed out. She remembered promising him that things would get better...they obviously hadn't.

So yes, she could guess what he wanted to her and she knew, as his mother, what he needed to her. Where he was now, telling him Eri had refused to visit once most of the tubes and machines were gone was only going to hurt him. Telling him his father hadn't done more than return her call with a text was only going to make him shit on himself the way Shemar did. She also knew promising he would see Devyn or Eri anytime soon was going to be a stretch.

"Why don't we play that by ear, baby? You just woke up. Let's see what the doctors say and get a few outpatient things in order then see where we are." Her voice was gentle. He knew all too well what she meant by outpatient. And Fumie knew all too well that he would not be happy about the prospect of spending his summer in some facility being forced to talk about his feelings. They'd been here before...He needed to know that was the reality though.

Fumie winced as he mentioned his relief at Eri not seeing...this. She paused. She didn't know what to say to that. What could she? Because the truth was Eri saw him first. She stood frozen as she watched Zo pull him from the water. She didn't blink as Fumie frantically tried to wrap his wrists in whatever was nearby to stop the bleeding. Truthfully, Fumie wasn't sure Eri had blinked since. She knew she hadn't spoken...Fumie wouldn't either.

As if God knew she was out of words and on the verge of the tears she was trying to hide from her son, there was a knock on the door.

"I'm hearing more than one voice in here-," Doris. The sweetest nurse and a welcome reprieve. She pushed the door open, entering as she finished, "How are we feeling?" Fumie smiled before turning her attention back to Koi.

"I'm gonna let her check you out, Sweets and I'll be right outside. I want to let people know you're awake."




I was a heavy heart to carry but, he never let me down.
When he held me in his arms my feet never touched the ground.
View user's profile View All Posts By User
Koi
Member
***


Avatar


Posts: 315
Registered: 6-11-2011
Member Is Offline

Mood: No Mood

[*] posted on 26-8-2019 at 04:01 PM


Play it by ear? What did that even mean? Koi rolled his eyes, his fingers picking at the bandage on his wrist again as he thought about his mother's words. It wasn't like he was scheduling brunch with his friends. Not that it was her fault, but the way she'd talked about him facing the people in his life that mattered the most seemed way too simple. Way too easy. Like it would be easy to talk to them after...what he'd done. What he wasn't able to do...like keep it together long enough to make it through their prom night. Through Devyn's prom night. No, this would be hard. Probably the fucking hardest thing he'd had to do in awhile. Harder than getting his grades up, harder than putting in work on the court during scouting season. WAY harder than telling Devyn that, after denying it forever, that he loved her. Because when he talked to them this time...how the fuck would he explain what'd he done? How the hell did he explain...trying to kill himself?

"I get it, mom." He muttered, avoiding her eyes as his nearly filled with tears. The silence that grew around them was uncomfortable, caused him to shift in his bed. The pain from the headache that throbbed in his head was growing and the silence seemed to add to its quiet, incessant pulse...

Then he heard a knock at the door. His body tensed for a moment before he realized it was only an overly cheery nurse coming to check on him, the suicide attempt. The smile was pasted on her round face was almost as annoying as the fluffy white kittens on her top. Koi would call it "Kittens doing the fucking most for hospital wear, on faded ass hospital scrubs".

"We? I'm pretty sure I'm the one in the hospital bed..." Koi bit, his growl met with a firm look from his mother.

"We're peachy..." He answered as his mother turned to him, informing him that she'd give him a bit of privacy and let people know he was officially awake. Let people know... He barely nodded as she walked out the room, her fingers already selecting the numbers of his loved ones to dial. To let them know that the fuck up was conscious. To let them know that "their little problem" was still alive and well.


___________________________


"Okay! I think that's all the blood I'll need for now. I'll go and get your mother..." Doris (who was nicer than she should've been considering what a shit Koi had been to her when she walked in) said, her hand meeting Koi's shoulder quickly.

"And I'll get you some liquid lunch, okay? I know your throat's probably feeling a little sore..." She wasn't wrong. Even answer the simple questions she'd had for him irritated it enough for him to ask for another cup of water and resort to nods and head shakes for the reminder of the conversation.

"Thank you..." Koi barely whispered before clearing his throat again.

He watched her walk out of the room, the door closing behind her silently. And there it was again. The quiet. Seeping in from everywhere. From under the door cracks. Through the vents. The soundlessness of it all hugging him uncomfortably. Leaving him with...nothing but his thoughts. Thoughts that he wasn't ready to hear yell out at him in the silence. Thoughts that made him shut his eyes, lay back on his pillow and grit his teeth against the yells of rage that wanted to stream out from behind them.





you're so brave.
stonecold crazy for lovin' me. & i'm amazed.
hope you make it out alive...

View user's profile View All Posts By User
Devyn
Member
***


Avatar


Posts: 320
Registered: 9-11-2011
Member Is Offline

Mood: Stressed

[*] posted on 27-8-2019 at 04:09 PM


__________________________

There were 36 full hours between when she got the call and now...He's awake...That's what Fumie said when she called. Not hello. She didn't ask about Eri. She said "he's awake" and then cried on the phone for a solid few minutes. Devyn didn't interrupt. She just let her...cry. She wondered while she waited what kind of tears they were. Were they tears of joy? Her first born was going to be alright and that was great...or maybe they were the guilty tears each of them had cried that one time they talked about their roles in Koi's...incident. That's what Fumie was calling it. An incident. Just a thing that happened. A passing occurrence. Devyn didn't see it like that. This was Koi's decision.

She had gone through so many emotions in the last week. Grief, anger, doubt, fear, hopelessness...She had done her best not to let Eri see it, but she had been all of these things at some point. Sometimes all at once. The first night, when she took Eri home with her to her aunt's place because Eri couldn't go home--she literally screamed at the suggestion; the first (and only) noise she made all night--Devyn let herself grieve. He was stable when they left the hospital, but things changed. She tried to let herself lose him in the hopes that when it actually happened it wouldn't hurt as much. She and Eri cuddled in her bed and each of them cried themselves to sleep, wordlessly.

A lot of their time together had been wordless. As things got better with Koi over time, Devyn tried to offer more support to Eri. She encouraged her to eat (she wouldn't). Tried getting her to engage by taking her to the beach, or the movies, or the museum she liked in Midtown (she didn't). The most Eri had done with her brother in this hospital was cough and honestly...Devyn got it. None of it felt like there was any point anymore. She was numb.

Devyn assumed that was why when Fumie called and told her Koi was awake, her response had been a simple "okay". It was an odd thing to say. Just "okay". She didn't know what to say then and as she knocked and gently pushed open his room door, she wasn't sure what she would say now either.




We both done had our hearts broke.
Take it easy; I'm not tryna go against ya,
I could be a lone wolf with ya
Gotta get up outta here and you ain't leaving me behind.
View user's profile View All Posts By User

  Go To Top