Devyn was dazed. Dazed and completely lost in the pleasure she was feeling and he was the reason. Koi Kidd. The boy she hadn’t properly
spoken to in a year. The kid that she’d felt completely wrong by a year ago because he’d made the decision that they could only be friends...None
of that was relevant now. She didn’t care if he claimed her, or called her buddy; hell, she didn’t care if he ever spoke to her again, as long as
he didn’t stop making the feeling he was making between her legs right then, his length sliding into and out of her in the wet he’d created.
She’d made barely a sound as she came, her mouth open as she tried to scream but…nothing. She couldn’t. That was a fucking talent…As cocky as
Koi was Devyn could admit that he had a right to be. Damn it…Koi took in her bottom lip a soft suck at it as she finally came down.
She felt like she should say something…anything. Fuck, a simple thank you was in order, but all that came was, “Damn-,” She was breathless, her
words a whisper simply because she didn’t have the strength for anything more…yet. His hands left her thighs, sliding up her body, gently
squeezing her breasts before traveling back down the length of her. She smiled. She loved that he just…knew. Fuck, she still wanted to be touched.
She wanted him to keep fucking her…But he’d stopped, more like paused, lifting her onto his lap so that her legs wrapped about his waist. He was
still in her. Still ready…waiting for her say so.
You done, Hips? Done? Ha. Far the fuck from it, and as his mouth enveloped the nub at her chest she, knew he wasn’t either. A soft sigh
left her as he sucked at her. “Baby, please, I would never disappoint you like that-,” she smirked, her hands coming to cup his face, pulling him
away from her breast. She kissed him sweetly, staying for just a second before she playfully pushed him away, his body falling to the sheets as hers
had before. A soft giggle left her as her hands rested on his chest and her hips started making slow circles against his. She was completely ready for
round two with him. Completely ready to give back what he’d just given her. She smirked down at him, her pace beginning to speed.
“It’s your turn, babe.”
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
Sunlight did the job of waking Koi up way before his biological clock had the chance. It peeked through the blinds that stayed pulled over his bedroom
windows, crept over the side of his bed and right into his fucking eyes. But he had to admit...there wasn't a better way he could've imagined opening
his eyes that morning. Sunlight wasn't the only thing he saw that morning. Mocha colored skin. The curves of her body making hills, rising and
falling underneath his sheets. Black hair spilling over his pillow... Opening his eyes that morning was an amazing thing. Without touching her,
he rolled out of bed, got dressed and did what anyone would've done like a night after the one they'd had together. He got some motherfucking
breakfast...
A smile hit his lips...and he nearly dropped the Starbucks bag he held between his teeth, as his hands were too full of two cups of Mocha-latte-some
shit. He didn't now what Devyn ate for breakfast. Okay, correction. He didn't know what Devyn ate for breakfast after a night full of fucking.
Damn...which was the only word that Koi could say or think when the night he'd just had with Devyn replayed through his mind. He...couldn't
believe half of it. If he hadn't been there for it, he might've called bullshit. Because none of that was what he thought their night was ending with.
When Devyn had darkened his doorstep, he didn't think he'd be spending the night...inside of her. And he didn't know he'd be waking up to her the next
morning...in just skin. No clothes between them. Just sheets. But that had been reality. Every single second of it...the scent of her on his skin
telling the story of every thrust, every moan. Even that little whine she made when he...
Another smile flickered over his features as he climbed the stairs as quietly as he could. It was still early and the house was silent, although the
sounds from his bedroom the night before probably disturbed the silence. Shit. And hopefully, the sounds hadn't made their way down the hall
to Eri's room. Koi hadn't even thought about that. He hadn't even remembered that she was in the house until...way after he and Devyn had finished.
And that had been bad enough. But if she'd heard anything? He would never fucking forgive himself. The spinach & feta wrap he'd left downstairs on
the kitchen counter for her was already going to have to make up for the way he'd dismissed her the night before. She was obviously worried about
Devyn and they'd pretty much disappeared for the night...without a word. Eri was probably mad as hell. Koi would deal with her later. For now? He had
a "morning after" to work through.
Pushing the door open a bit with his foot, he peeked into the dimly lit room.
Devyn moaned a little, giving a small stretch as a smile pulled at her lips. It had been a hell of a night. She had always wondered what a
night with him with be like...She hadn’t thought far enough out of the box. Every touch, goran, moan between them had been perfect.
Intense. She had never felt the way Koi had made her feel as he explored her last night. It was...passionate and...more than
any other friendship had ever given her. Her smile grew a little at that thought. Friends. The word that would define the two of them for
lack of anything better to call one another. And she was okay with that. If he didn’t want to, they didn’t even have to talk what they’d done;
what they were. What they were was Koi and Devyn. Two people that enjoyed one another’s company through the good shit and kept one another
sane through the real shit...What more could there be?
Opening her eyes she let her hand reach for...nothing. Where was Koi? Devyn’s hand smoothed over the empty space he had claimed beside her before
sitting up completely, pulling his sheets over her chest. Where the hell was he? Her first thought was to call out for him, but she had no idea who
was home. If she did that and Eri was the one to come to her she’d die...Oh god! Was his mother home?! If she was the one to find her she’d
probably kill herself...Mother...Devyn sighed, feeling that familiar drop in the pit of her stomach that she would probably always get when she
thought about her now...Her mother was gone...She was alone...
But not for long. As if on cue, Koi’s bedroom door opened, his head peeking through the crack as a smile found her lips again. “Hey-,” She said
quietly, a small giggle leaving her at the sight of him with a starbucks bag in his mouth. He brought breakfast. Who knew Koi Kidd could be so sweet?
She watched as he came back to bed, passing her one of the cups in his hand before placing the bag he had on the bed. “You know you don’t have to
try this hard, right?” she laughed a little. “You already slept with me.”
And he could again, that was for damn sure.
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
Hey. It took one word from Devyn to make Koi break into a smile again as he wedged himself through the cracked bedroom door and pushed it
closed quietly with his foot. She was awake, though. That was okay. He just...kind of wanted to be there when she woke up. Devyn knew the Kidd. And
she knew his habits...like the one he had of waking up and leaving the girl he'd just been with the night before in his bed...alone. Without a word.
And he knew Devyn knew because he'd headed to her place to kick it plenty of times, fresh from a night with some overly anxious girl who was just as
unimportant as her forgotten name. But Devyn...wasn't like that. She was his "chick homie"...a name that Koi probably wouldn't call her to her face
again. Not after the night they'd had together... It didn't...fit anymore.
A quick nod served as a greeting as he walked to the bed, his footsteps falling as lightly as they could. Devyn's eyes never left him and his...they
didn't leave hers either. She looked...different...that morning. Her lips smiled a little sweeter. Her skin glowed as the morning light that streamed
through the blinds touched it. And her eyes...Koi never noticed it, but they kind of...sparkled. He stored that fact in his memory as he arrived at
the side of the bed, passing Devyn one of the cups in his hands to her. Her next words made him laugh, his lips curling into a smirk.
"You call this 'trying hard'?" He chuckled softly as he sat on the bed, sat his cup on his side table and went to pulling off his Jordans. Trying
hard? He hoped she was joking. Breakfast had nothing to do with getting back between her thighs...although that was something that he would've loved
to do again. Anytime, really. But, that had nothing to do with his actions. He just thought...that maybe...after all that fuckin'...she'd be starving
like he was.
"I call it...'feeding you'." He said, looking back at her as he pulled his shirt over his head. Before he thought it through carefully enough, he
leaned back and into Devyn, his back pressing against her chest. His fingers pulled at her chin, his lips finding hers easily. There weren't any
underlying intentions. He just...he didn't know. Even after the night they'd had...he knew what had started it. Her mom. And if he couldn't
forget, he knew Devyn couldn't either. He just wanted...to take care of her. Make sure that she was okay. Be the friend that he knew she'd be if he
was in the same position. He'd done that. At least he'd hoped he had. He'd held her when she needed to be held. He touched her when she needed to be
touched. Her body was happy, he'd seen to it...a couple of times that night. But he wanted all of her to be happy.
Breaking the kiss, Koi slid out of his shorts...his boxer briefs following before he slid back into bed beside her, his body touching hers as they
pulled half of Starbuck's breakfast menu from the bag in silence.
"So..." He started, breaking the short silence as he took one of the breakfast wraps for himself. "How you feeling?"
Leaving her to fend for herself? Nope. The thought never even crossed Devyn’s mind. Yeah, she knew that was his M.O. Koi wasn’t the “stick
around for the awkward after” type. Devyn imagined it was like that when you woke up next to someone who’s name you didn’t remember. But he knew
her name. He knew her. Just like she knew he wouldn’t do her like that. She wasn’t his usual late night and she knew that. She knew it
for fact when his head peeked into that room with coffee and food in hand. Something she was quite positive no other girl he’d...”entertained”
had ever been presented with. So no. She didn’t think there was anything to worry about when she woke up to Koi being away and as he made his way
back to bed, her worries about all of the other shit in her life began to lessen too...
He had that effect on her. It was the main reason she’d shown up here when she found out...She knew Koi was the one person that could make her
forget. Forget everything that wasn’t the two of them. Cooling, kicking it. It ended up being more than that, but she wasn’t complaining in the
slightest. She was...happy, while she was with him. She was as happy as she possibly could be with everything that had happened over the last 24 hours
and while that probably wasn’t saying much at all, her smile didn’t fade as Koi questioned her, asking if she thought this was him trying hard.
Not necessarily. She just knew it wasn’t the norm for him and his...conquests. What she really meant was that...he didn’t have to do this. To be
something he thought she wanted. This was sweet. Great even, but she’d already told him. She wanted him. The real him...But she was probably reading
too much into something as simple as what he called ‘feeding her’. Nothing out of the ordinary to find one friend treating another to
breakfast...They just so happened to have had sex the night before this breakfast.
“Well thank you-,” she said watching as he took his shirt back off before leaning back into her and pulling her lips to his. She fell easily into
the kiss her lips parting for him as she fought the smile that was pulling at them as well. How did he keep doing that? How did he keep her smiling at
a time like this? She should be thanking him for a lot more than food, but she was trying to avoid being too deep about much of anything. She didn’t
want to put any pressure on him because there wasn’t any. The last time they’d gotten hot and heavy with one another they ended up not talking for
a year because of what she wanted. She wasn’t taking that chance this time. She couldn’t lose him...She couldn’t lose her reason for smiling.
He broke the kiss and Devyn watched as Koi pulled off the rest of his clothes and climbed back into bed beside her. Getting closer to her, he picked
the bag up from the bed and they began digging through what looked like all of the food Starbucks had on hand. Devyn chose a raspberry scone to nibble
at first as Koi took one of the wraps and then...How are you feeling? That was a complicated question. She was feeling a lot of things at
once and explaining it was...
“I’m...I don’t know-,” She paused, biting the scone and waiting for the right word to come to her. “Broken?” she guessed as she swallowed.
That sounded about right...and it was honest. “But you helped-,” she said nudging him a little. That was true too.
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
Broken. The word didn't sound strange coming from Devyn. Not to Koi, it didn't. He hadn't expected anything opposite that word, to be honest.
Broken... it was about right, wasn't it? Devyn had just lost her mother. The only one she had. Koi didn't know the relationship between Devyn and her
aunt, but he knew that no matter how good a caretaker she was or could be, she would never take the place of Devyn's mom. And Koi knew this
because...because he couldn't imagine anyone taking the place of his. No matter their differences...no matter how much he felt he didn't know her
anymore, no one could replace her. He had love for his Moms. Serious love. Back in the day, before the shit hit the fan, she was a different person.
She laughed...she smiled. She hugged him on the regular...and she knew him. Really knew him...inside out. Now all that Koi saw of that woman was the
corroded shell that all of his father's shit left behind. His Pops made her a stranger...but Koi nearly hated her because she LET him. And even with
all of that, he could never lose her. Losing his Moms would be his breaking point. Broken was correct. Koi could understand "broken".
Nodding his head, Koi took a big bite out of the wrap. "Yeah..." He mumbled between chews, agreeing with her words...falling silent again long enough
to hear the next ones. He helped. That was right. He did. He'd helped. Instead of making the situation worse or fucking up with something
stupid that he'd said or done, he helped her. And it made him feel...he didn't know...like he didn't fuck up everything he touched? That entire night
and the morning following had been...a sort of relief. Watching her fight sleep before her eyes finally drifted close, a soft smile on her lips.
Seeing her eyes light up when she saw him that morning. Hearing the words she was saying now. All of it made "You're a Fuck Up" song that played on
repeat in his head turn down a notch...play a little softer.
"Oh, I did?" He questioned playfully, nudging her back as they both laughed quietly. The silence between words came again, biting and chewing taking
the place of words for a moment.
"I'm glad you came to me last night..." He admitted quietly, not really thinking that those thoughts would be words as they came out of his mouth. It
wasn't like he felt he couldn't...say those things to her. He could tell her anything. She was...without a doubt...his best friend. He just hadn't
seen them coming out so freely. Without hesitation.
"I missed you." Biting into his wrap again quickly, he smirked at her as he chewed, his gaze on her slipping as his smirk grew into a soft smile.
His response to her was playful, the ‘oh, I did?’ leaving his lips as if none of it had been as big a deal as she was making it. But it was.
Because he had. Helped her. Koi was one of the very few people that she could say gave a genuine fuck about her...and it hadn’t been about the sex
or anything that she could give him; it couldn’t have been because when she come to Koi, she had nothing. She was nothing. Her mother had just died
and she was barely making any sense about anything and she had been...broken. Koi fixed her...Sure not completely, but like she’d said, he helped
and it had been a whole hell of a lot more help than a simple, ‘oh, I did?’ could cover...and she liked that about him too. She loved that it
hadn’t been a big deal for him. That he had been her rock at a time when...now wasn’t the time for this. She wasn’t going to dwell on her
feelings about her mother, or how she ended up here with her reason for smiling. She was just going to enjoy it. She was going to enjoy breakfast. And
as she took another bite of the scone she really had no interest in she let the silence settle between them and just enjoyed his closeness. The heat
from his skin warming hers before his words did the same.
I’m glad you came to me last night... She was too. As many times as coming to Koi for anything had turned out to be a mistake, she would
never look back on this time and see it that way. She didn’t know how to respond to him so she just smiled, her eyes unable to meet his for a reason
she wasn’t really sure about. It might have been because there was more reason than one she was glad she’d come here...It might have been the fact
that looking at Koi caused her to feel things she shouldn’t. She didn’t have much more time to think anymore about it as Koi told her the one
thing she’d ached to tell him when she arrived yesterday. He missed her.
Her smile grew as she finally looked to him, only to have his gaze fall from her. He missed her. A year had gone by with the two of them playing voids
in one another’s lives. It felt good to know that she had been the only one that could fill it. The feeling was mutual. “You missed the shit I do
for you-,” she joked, poking at his side with her index finger. “Derrick’s slack ass probably still can’t roll for shit, huh?” Dev laughed a
little, feeling some of the normalcy fall back into their relationship. Their friendship. She liked it…but they probably weren’t going to get too
far into what they’d missed without one another.
The nagging voice in the back of her mind was pushing its way forward; she needed to get back home. Her aunt hadn’t seen her since the news. She’d
probably called non-stop, Carter had probably scoured the city looking for her; all to no avail because she had been with the last person anyone would
think of, but the only person she’d ever want to find her…She still had no idea where her phone was…
“Kid, I should probably go soon.” Her words were just above a whisper. She didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want to, but she knew it was the
right thing. She knew she had to face…not now. Catching her bottom lip between her teeth she tried sucking it up again. The magic was
fading. It was how it had been when she woke up. She was sure everything was fine and then reality struck her anew and everything was shit again. But
not now. “I should probably shower before I do though,” the smile returned to her lips as she placed her half eaten scone back into the bag
she’d gotten it out of before sliding to her side of the bed, his sheets falling away from her. She looked over her shoulder, “And by ‘I’ I
really mean ‘we’.”
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
She couldn’t find her fucking phone! She’d gotten dressed in record time, she hadn’t even bothered to shower like she usually did to keep her
aunt from asking questions. She just had to...go. She had to get the fuck out of this damn house before some more shit went down and she was fucking
tossed out of it! She couldn’t believe the shit that had happened downstairs. She had no idea how mistresses did shit like this! She hadn’t even
done anything wrong and she felt used and disgusting. And she wasn’t upset because she’d been falsely accused...Well not totally. She was more
upset about having to stand up and watch her best friend’s mom be reduced to tears over a shitty home situation with her husband. And the whole
time, the entire fucking time, all she could see was her own mother. This was what it had been like for her. Knowing Hilton was out and about
neglecting his family for other whores and simultaneously feeding poison into the streets. Sure, Dev had tried to imagine the pain her mother felt at
the hand of her father. She’d seen her mom completely broken before so she thought she had a pretty good idea, but she was wrong. She was so fucking
wrong! Because between relative happiness and ‘completely broken’, there was whatever had just happened in the kitchen downstairs. The inbetween
that you had to continue to live with.
It sucked! It sucked so much and she had to get the fuck out of that fucking house before Koi could talk her out of it. But she couldn’t find the
damn phone! She was on all fours, pulling his sheets this way and that trying to find it in the tangled mess, but it was nowhere. Fuck! She
sighed and got up turning to check the couch in his room where things had started for them. She had just started giving it the once over when she
heard his door open. She didn’t even turn to look at him as she started. “Kid, listen, I’m not mad and I don’t want any kind of apology. I
just want to get my shit together-,” she stood then, an aggravated sigh on her lips as she finally turned to face him. She was about to ask if
he’d seen her phone, but the words caught in her throat at the look on his face. She’d never seen Koi like this, ever. She’d seen him
pissed, and blown, and even on the comedown from whatever he’d had the night before. But she had never seen him like this...
“Babe...-,” her eyebrows knitted together as she crossed the room to where he stood. Her arms fell easily around his neck, knocking the door
closed in the process and holding him there. She wasn’t going to say anything. Hell, she didn’t know what to say just yet. She would just wait for
him to tell her what he needed.
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
For the first time in a long time, Koi just wanted to be numb. Not the numb that usually came with "three shots of Patron with a Perc on the side".
No...he wanted the deeper numbness. The kind that started in your head and enveloped your entire body in it. The one that made you fall into the black
where everything was dulled. No senses. No nothing. Just the numb. Koi hadn't had that kind of numb in years. That was the "numb" that got you sent to
a "fancy rehab" in Utah that looked more like a warm and toasty camping lodge than a detox center. Well, at least that was where it'd gotten Koi. The
crime wasn't nearly worth the time as he'd been sure he would've added "attempted suicide" to the laundry list of reasons why he was there in first
place if they'd made him listen to Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful" one more FUCKING time. THAT type of numb. It was the one that he craved,
especially when shit got like this. When his invisible father became so much more visible because of his constant drama. When his mother ignored it
all and drew into herself. When he felt as alone and deserted inside as he was on the outside. Things felt...hopeless. And the feeling of it sat on
his chest, nearly keeping him from inhaling as he walked through the kitchen and began his way up the staircase, towards his room.
Fuck, he couldn't breathe. It was almost as if there was nothing to draw in as the air felt thick and still around him. Like them.
Like their lives. They'd been living like this for so long that their lives were like reruns. Only the show wasn't so entertaining...because it was
his. The same characters. The same plot. The same disappointment and the same avoidance. Every episode was the same. And Koi couldn't stomach it now
like he couldn't stomach it in the past. The repetition of the same fucking thing, rerunning over and over again. And it wouldn't stop. It never
stopped. It only got worse and the only person NOT avoiding it was the one that it affected the most. Eri didn't have to see what Koi saw as she was
always removed from it. Protected. No one was protecting Koi. Koi got the ugly truth every time he stepped into the house to find his mother missing
and his father gone. Everyone wanted to live a fucking lie... And even though he hated the lie, he understood the bliss in living it. Because
the truth was fucking killing him.
His feet carried him up the stairs, his steps pausing as he came to his bedroom door, pushing it open. Devyn was still there. She hadn't left, but she
looked like she had been in the process of doing so for awhile as she moved around the room, searching for something. What, Koi didn't know. He hoped
she found it. He hoped she escaped his fucking shithole of a life before she got sucked any further in. That wouldn't happen to her, though. Because
she, unlike him, didn't play a part in this fucked up show. She got to come and go as she pleased. Koi envied her. Even with her mother passing and
her family seeming like almost as much of a mess as his was, he envied her. Because she got away. She moved to Kapuhai Reef and she escaped the
bullshit in her life. And Koi wished he could do that. He wished he could take Eri and just...go. He'd leave his mother and father to live their shit
lives on repeat.
Devyn spoke, her words matching her actions. She wanted to get out. Koi understood and wouldn't fight her. He got it. She'd reached a point that he'd
felt way too many times and she was done. He wanted to tell her that. He wanted to open his mouth...say anything but...he couldn't. He couldn't even
look at her.
Babe... He closed his eyes. He felt her presence near him, her arms around his neck. Her chest pressed against his. He heard her close the
door. He couldn't...he didn't want...he didn't want her to see him like this. Stuck. Suffocating. Numb.
She didn’t know how to do this. She didn’t know how she was supposed to console him; especially because he wasn’t opening his mouth to tell her
what was wrong...but she could guess, right? After the things that had been said in the kitchen, Devyn could pretty much guess how things were around
here. Even without knowing exactly what was going on with Koi’s family, she knew it wasn’t good. She knew it was...this. Coming to your room to be
as alone as you felt. Devyn remembered being here. After listening to her parents scream at each other over whatever the issue of the night was. After
coming home to find her mom either high or passed out drunk because she was drowning her sorrows in substance. After being told some variation of
’I can’t deal with you right now and being brushed off like nothing...Yeah. She could guess what was wrong with him. She could look at
him and recognize it, because she’d seen it in the mirror so many times.
She pulled away from him, one of her hands drifting to his before she pulled him further into the room, leading him to bed. She sat on the edge,
pulling him down with her and they just...sat there. She allowed the silence to linger because she knew there was nothing she could say that would
make things any better. There was never anything anyone could tell her about the shit with her parents. She would have loved answers though; answers
to all the questions that popped up at times like these. Questions like how two people could hate one another so much, how they ever got together in
the first place...She’d never had anyone give her those answers and sadly, she couldn’t give them to Koi now. So they sat there. His hand in hers
as he stared at the floor and she stared at him...She hated this. She hated seeing him hurt.
“Koi...-,” she called to him, leaving the space at his side to kneel in front of him. She let go of his hand and cupped his face, lifting it to
look at her. “Tell me what you need.” Koi’s eyes closed to the sound of her voice and she frowned. She knew that look too. He was embarrassed.
He was embarrassed and he probably didn’t want her to see...this. But she’d been worse...If he just told her what he needed...She was hoping it
was her. As crazy as it sounded, everything in Devyn would have been devastated if he asked her to go. She couldn’t leave him like this, he needed
her. Or at least she wanted him to need her. Devyn only wanted to help and, God did she hope his pride didn’t get in the way of her doing it.
“Tell me what you need, kid and I’ll do it.”
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
Koi didn't know the first STEP to..."this". The emotions. The hurt. The anger he felt at shit he couldn't control. He didn't know how to deal with any
of it. He'd never known how. And he didn't know how to let someone help him do it either. Especially when in the past, it was just him. In the
past...it had been easy. Smoke a little kush, down a couple pills, do a line. Fuck the feelings. It was all about the temporary release. But
the more temporary the fix was, the more issues that weren't even his to have calloused the inside of him. The high didn't even fix that anymore. The
only thing that fixed that? Well, Koi didn't do that anymore... Not for a long time, he hadn't. He hadn't needed to. Not that things were perfect
but...he'd gotten use to it, he guessed. That night was different. That night reminded him that this shit would never be the norm. What Devyn'd seen.
What he'd heard from his mother. None of this was normal. And that brought everything crashing down on him that night. That's what brought
the suffocating fall of reality. Things would never stop getting worse...
Except... Except the feeling of being alone. He wasn't alone now...even if he'd wanted to be to avoid the embarrassment he'd felt.
Devyn. She was here. She was here like she promised she'd always be...no matter if his pride wanted her there or not. And his pride
didn't...want her there. His pride wanted her to get her stuff and just...leave him to it. Leave him to fix his shitty problems the way he knew how.
Just him, a steamy bathroom and a razor. Because THAT sounded a fuck lode better than opening his eyes and looking at the pity on Deyvn's
face as she pulled him out of their embrace, held his hand and led him to his bed. They sat, a space between them. Not touching, save for their
touching hands. Koi, staring at the floor. Devyn, staring at him. He wanted to tell her to stop. He wanted to tell her to look anywhere but at the
pain on his face. Look anywhere except the reddening in the whites of his eyes. His taunt lips pulled against his grinding teeth. Look anywhere but at
him. But he couldn't speak...not while that suffocating feeling was still bearing down on him.
Koi. She was calling his name and he wanted to answer but he kept...staring. At that spot on the floor. There wasn't anything special about
it. The only thing about that spot was the fact that it wasn't Devyn's eyes. He couldn't look at her. He didn't know why. He just...he couldn't. And
the pleading with him to say or do anything didn't help. He closed his eyes again, his head lowering to his hand. He rubbed at his brow, a twinge of
pain starting there as the night's events threatened a full blown headache. And that's when he felt it. Them...Devyn's hands at his face. His eyes
opened and immediately met hers as she kneeled in front of him. God, he couldn't look at the plea in her eyes. The need to know how to fix the
unfixable. How could she fix something that wasn't hers to fix. This wasn't even her problem and like his issues usually did, they threatened to pull
her under too. He wasn't letting that happen...this wasn't her fucking battle.
"No..." He said simply, his voice pushing through the heaviness of the night. He shook his head as he pulled her hands from his face. Instead of
letting her hands go, he pulled her closer to him, his kiss was strange on her lips. The lust was missing. The pull at her. The want. There was only
the avoidance that he WANTED to feel. The need. He needed to not fell anything. And that need was what he kissed her with, his lips meeting hers again
as she hovered over him.
"No talking." He whispered, his hands moved beneath her shirt and cupped her breasts. Foreplay was for sex. He didn't want...sex. He needed...he
needed her to fuck his feelings. He needed her to fuck him numb...
No...His voice was...different. Devyn couldn’t place it, but it didn’t sound like him. It was...empty. Devyn resisted the urge to wince
at the sound of it as she let him move her hands before pulling her into him. His lips met hers, and that was basically all they did. Her eyes closed,
but it was mostly for effect. She didn’t feel it. He wasn’t giving her anything to feel. The two of them were going through the motions,
but none of it was right. None of it was...Koi. She might have asked what was happening, told him how off everything felt. She knew he felt it too.
Hell, he was the one doing it, but as one kiss became another, somehow saying anything about it felt wrong. She told him to tell her what he needed.
This was it...Besides, there was to be no talking. Devyn found herself nodding her compliance as he said it. She wouldn’t say a word. Not a sound,
save for the ones she was sure he was about to make her make.
His hands slipped beneath her tank top cupping her breasts over the bra that was clearly in his way. She’d move it. Devyn’s hands took the hem of
her shirt and pulled it off. Unintentionally, her eyes met his and for the first time ever she found herself wishing they hadn’t. Because for the
first time ever she was nearly topless and he wasn’t looking at her. He was looking through her. This was a bad idea. Her brain was telling her
that she shouldn’t do this and that it was a mistake...but she’d made a promise. She’d promised she wouldn’t leave him and she promised to
give him what he needed. He’d been her everything the night she found out about her mom and she would be damned if she left him alone like this.
Her hands went to her back, unhooking her bra and tossing that away as well. Without pause she undid her shorts and before she knew it she was naked
in front of him. She moved past him, crawling on all fours to the center of his bed before stopping. She stayed in that position, hopefully giving him
the view he wanted as she traced her inner thigh with her hand. She teased herself a little before slipping two finger inside herself, moaning for
him. All of this was for him...And she’d keep telling herself that to get through...
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
He laid on his back on top of his sweat-damp sheets, his skin still flushed, red hot. It had been over for a while, but he could still feel her around
him. He was so deep in her... He closed his eyes against the flashes of what had just happened between them in his bed. The sounds of her muffled
moans...a pillow muting them. Her body thudding against his. Her eyes before they'd even started. Exhaling, he rubbed his palm over his damp
face. He could still feel her next to him, her warmth...and he couldn't believe that she'd stayed with him after everything they'd just done. After
everything she'd done for him. She stayed true to her word. She'd be there...and she'd stayed with him. She'd given him what he needed. But
it wasn't like their first time...when she'd needed him so badly after her mother died that she'd come to him and he'd done the same. But it wasn't
the same. There weren't any bite marks on him afterwards. Her skin wasn't red in some places from love marks that had nothing to do with "love". And
she...she could look him in the eyes after it was over. Koi wasn't so sure he could do that...he wasn't so sure he could look at her at all.
But he did, her body lying under his sheets...next to him. She didn't touch him and the space between their bodies was a fucking cavern. It was
unnatural. It wasn't them. What had just happened wasn't them. Koi had never touched her like that. He'd never been so...gone...before. And just like
that, what he'd never wanted to do, he'd done. Brought her into it. Made her a device. Made her...used her. But the numb was gone. The suffocating
pressure on his chest was gone and he was back. Devyn had given him that. Between her legs, there'd always been the sweetest drug. The taste of her
made him forget. The feel of her around him made him oblivious. And when he came inside of her...he saw god. A razor didn't touch what she was... But
just like every other drug he'd let into his system...how long would the high last?
"Dev..." He whispered to her in the darkness. Her body stirred, but she didn't turn to him. He looked at her as he slid closer to her, his warmth
mixing with hers. The covers separated them as he wrapped his arm around her and touched her stomach, pulling her closer to him.
"Babe." He whispered, his mouth finding her ear. His lips teased her earlobe and kissed her neck softly. If she wasn't talking to him, he could
understand. He didn't deserve another word from her...not with what he'd just done to her. What she'd let him do...
She hadn’t gone to sleep. When things ended and he finally released the death grip he’d held on her hips she’d slid to her side of the
bed...away from him. Even the after was odd. Usually, when they were done, there was cuddling and cute remarks about the noises she’d made during.
That wasn’t the case this time...She didn’t want to talk about the ‘during’. She didn’t want to talk at all. She kinda hoped he’d just
fall asleep and she’d be able to sneak off to his bathroom for a shower. She felt...dirty. It was a simple word that meant so much in the sense that
she was using it now. She felt both literally and figuratively unclean and it wasn’t because of the things they’d done...it was the way
he was when they’d done them. Cold, distant...uncaring. That’s what it was. He hadn’t cared. As much as the two of them said it, this
was the first time Koi had fucked her. And he did it like she was a fucking stranger...
The thought of it alone was enough to bring her to tears, but she wouldn’t do that next to him. Koi would never know how what just happened affected
her. She wasn’t going to talk about this and she wasn’t going to cry about this. When he was okay again, he would apologize. She’d tell him not
to worry about it and they would never, EVER, talk about this again. It was over now and there would never be any reason to bring it up again. So she
would wait...She would wait on her side the California King with her back to him until Koi fell asleep...or called to her.
She heard him whisper her name through the dark. She sighed a bit, but she couldn’t turn to face him. It wasn’t that she couldn’t look at him,
she just...she kind of didn’t want to be seen. But he persisted, pulling close to, her favorite of the pet names leaving his lips next.She closed
her eyes to the sound of his voice. The right voice. The one that told her he wasn’t who he had been moments ago...His lips pecked at her neck and
she allowed it but she couldn’t reciprocate. Hell, she could barely move with the things she’d just let him do to her. But he was talking again.
That was good...Now was as good a time as any to try to ease things back into normalcy right?
She let her hand drift to the one he had on her stomach and allowed her fingers to fill the spaces between his. She wasn’t ready to speak yet, but
she did want him to know she was listening.
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
There wasn't another voice outside of his own in the darkness. Him calling to her...her not answering. The silence made Koi's whole chest go cold. The
kind of frozen that comes with the realization of one thing. How much you fucked up. He knew he did. The second he rolled himself from on top
of Devyn...the second he was himself again...he knew it. The entire thing was fucked, honestly. Just how fucked, he couldn't really say. But he could
tell. He could tell in the way they turned away from each other after it ended... It wasn't the same. And something inside of Koi felt like it would
never be the same because of what he'd done to her. Well...not what he'd done. He didn't hurt her...at least he didn't think he did. Her body
responded...just like his had. But he couldn't remember. He couldn't recall the small details like her sex sounds...they way she'd touched him. The
quickness of her orgasm. He didn't even know if he'd made her cum. He'd been numb. So blind, deaf and dumb to it all that he couldn't...he
didn't want to remember. Any of it. But he knew, by the way that she curled on her side of the bed with her back to him. She remembered everything.
Even in the way she answered him now. No words, just her fingers intertwining with his as they pressed against her stomach. He kissed her neck again,
his face nuzzling into her hair. They laid like that for a moment, him searching for the words to say to her in the aftermath. And her...silent. Koi
wondered what she was thinking as she laid there, allowing herself to be held by the same face, the same smell...the same dude that had done to her
what her Koi never would've. He'd fucked her. Fucked her without any remorse, feeling or emotion. And now, here he was...curling up to her after it
all like the fucked up Mr. Hyde that he was. The numb was gone now and the only thing that was left was...shame. When everything felt so weightless
afterwards, it was fucked up that Devyn had to pay the price for that weightlessness. And all Koi really wanted her to do was...say
something...anything. Curse him out for treating her like that. Cry. Something. But all he got was her fingers between his...and her
silence.
Sighing softly, his hand moved from her stomach and over her full breasts. His other hand touched her hip, pressing her harder into grooves of his
body as his eyes drank the outline of her through the sheets. She was badd. Amazing. Beautiful. Every inch of her. And every inch of her
didn't deserve the way he'd just handled her. No matter if she'd given her permission.
"Did I hurt you?" He asked as his arms replaced his hands. He wrapped himself around her, almost as if to protect her from the emotionless thing that
had just left her side. He spoke softly, hoping that she would finally let him hear her voice. That maybe she'd feel safe enough to speak to him...to
make him feel like the hero instead of a monster.
His lips pressed against her neck again and as hard as she tried she couldn’t resist the tensing her body made against his touch. This was just so
strange. So...she didn’t understand it; she obviously couldn’t put a word to it. She didn’t have any words...which was why she wasn’t
responding to his attempts to get her to talk to him. She wanted to. She wanted to ask if he was feeling better, if he was ready to talk about the
things that had turned him into...no. Ugh, she didn’t even want to reference the last hour and a half of their time together. From the kitchen with
his mother, to her frantic race to get the hell out of this house, to...what they’d just done. She was going to block it all out when this night was
over. When she finally felt like he was okay enough for her to leave him, she would never think back to this night again and she would probably add
Valentine’s day to the list of holidays she no longer cared for.
Devyn listened to Koi sigh, his hand moving from her stomach to her chest as the other came to rest on her hip again. Still she didn’t turn, but the
bruise on her hip that she was now aware of caused her to wince a bit in the darkness. She could feel him looking at her, staring and waiting for her
to say something. Anything...but she just couldn’t. Being honest, she knew that the main reason for not speaking wasn’t because she didn’t have
anything to say...it was because she wasn’t sure if she could talk without her voice betraying her. She didn’t want him to know. She didn’t want
Koi to feel any worse about any of what had gone down between them. She was okay...well she would be...
And he was giving her the chance to tell him just that, his mouth opening again to ask if he’d hurt her. He had. Multiple times and in a number of
ways. She couldn’t stop moments of their time together from flashing in front of her. His hand yanking her hair as he arched her back to meet
his thrusts, the biting of her shoulder, the complete opposite of the kisses he placed at her neck now...The way no matter how their position changed
her back was always to him, as if looking at her was...Yeah. He’d hurt her...but she wasn’t going to dwell on it. She would be fine and this
didn’t have to change them...She didn’t have to lose him. she pulled away finally, out of his embrace so that she could turn to look at
him.
“No.” She said it quickly, not wanting him to think for even a second that she was upset with him about this. They would be fine...She would
be fine. She leaned into him, closing the small distance between them as her lips fell atop his and they kissed. He was in it this time. Even if
she had only half committed to the kiss they were sharing now, it was so much more real than the one they’d had before this started. She allowed it
to linger, her tongue parting his lips before tasting him. It was Koi. It was Koi and she had missed him.
When the kiss ended she was able to speak, her forehead rested against his as her voice broke the silence around them, “Are you okay?”
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
There was a tenseness between them that Koi had never felt when it came to he and Devyn. Yeah, he could admit that things between them had gotten had
gotten "uncomfortable" before. Uncomfortable meaning out of fucking control. The very start of their friendship was a tribute to that. Things
had always been up and down for them. They'd argued, they'd screamed, they'd yelled...hell, they'd even exchanged licks! But this? This moment was
something of a different breed. The silence. It pressed in on them in the dark of the room. Koi felt the thickness of the quiet as he laid
beside her, his arms wrapped around her as his lips touched her neck again. And he couldn't ignore what happened as he held her. Devyn tensed
up. Her back straightened like a board against his chest. If even for a second, it had happened. He could tell that she'd tried to fight it, but
he couldn't ignore it. She was afraid of him. What the fuck did he expect, though? He knew what it was like when he went dark. He was
different. Scary. He didn't let himself feel anything...all "care" ceased to exist. And he'd let Devyn see that side of himself. And what was
worse, he'd let that side of himself see her.
He never should've touched her like that. He should've told her to leave his room...his house. Just so he could get himself together. Just so he could
have avoided...this. The silence. The awkwardness. All of it. Touching her felt foreign now. Almost like her body wanted to scoot away from him every
time he tried to be near her. He could tell she wanted to shrug off his touch. Even his arms around her felt like a he held her against her will. Like
she was prisoner inside of his embrace. And Koi hated that. He hated having been the reason why she could barely face him now. Even as he tried to
hold on to her, she was as numb and vacant as he'd been minutes before.
That was why she surprised him when she stirred, her body turning towards him after he questioned her about the pain she may have been in.
No. Liar. She was hurting. Koi knew it. He knew from the stiffness in his thighs how hard his thrusts were in to her. He knew by the pain in
the centers of his hands how tightly he grabbed the skin on her hips when he was inside of her. And...he was raw. His skin felt like he'd been fucking
sandpaper, a soft, uncomfortable throb there making him want to hold himself just to make it stop. He'd been...rough enough. But that wasn't worst
part. The worst part was the entire time...THE ENTIRE TIME...he'd kept her back to him. They'd never had sex like that. It was always personal. There
was always eye contact. They'd smile, mid thrust. She'd laugh as she moved on him, the happiness she felt showing for the depths of her eyes to the
smile on her lips. What they'd just done was NOTHING like that. What they'd just done was...something of a different breed. There wasn't lust in it.
They were just robotic dummies, fucking through the motions.
But Koi took her answer, loosened his grip on her as she turned to him and faced them, a fake kind of contentment in her eyes. She wasn't okay. He
could see it there. He could feel it as she kissed him, her usually playful tongue following the motions of his. When their kiss ended, he touched her
face, his fingers pulling through her curls.
Are you okay? "No..." He answered, his lips ending his words quickly. Without more of an explanation, he kissed her again, his lips pulling
at each of hers with each peck. He didn't want to talk about the dark. He wanted the numb that she'd sacrificed herself for to stay there.
"Dont..." He whispered between kisses. "...ever let me do that to you again."
Are you okay? The was why she’d stayed. Devyn had stayed to make sure Koi was okay. It was all that had mattered to her before any of this
and, strangely, it was the only thing she found important now. His well-being...His happiness. It was probably almost midnight and she had school in
the morning. Her aunt was probably wondering where the hell she was...but that was the furthest thing from her mind as she laid beside him, and waited
for her answer. Was he okay or was all of this for not? She couldn’t do it again. She wasn’t at a point mentally or physically to let him do what
he’d just done again. not now, and probably not ever. She didn’t know if it was selfish or self-preserving, but she knew that it was true.
Whatever she’d just had, with whoever she’d just shared it with could never happen again. She wouldn’t hold up.
But did she even have to worry now? That guy was gone. She knew Koi was back by the way his hand touched her face and his fingers pulled gently
through her hair. There was a tenderness there that had been missing before. An understanding... Fuck. He knew. He knew she wasn’t
okay...he knew it was his fault that she wasn’t...but none of that mattered to her! The soft throb between her thighs was a small price to pay to
have him talking again. All of this...it was worth it if he felt even a little better...She couldn’t explain it, but it was the way she felt.
Nothing was more important to her than Koi being okay. Since the night they’d promised one another they weren’t going anywhere, nothing had really
been more important than him.
But as his reply finally came she allowed herself to frown. No? Why? What else could she do to change it? She might have asked him, but he kissed her
before she could. It seemed the more they kissed the closer things got to normal. She felt her frown give way to a small genuine smile. God, she’d
missed him. It was crazy how he could be inside her and feel eons away from her all at the same time...but he was here now, his lips pecking and
pulling at hers the way they usually did. He was back and now he was working on bringing her back.
Don’t ever let me do that to you again. She knew it. In her mind, Devyn cursed him for knowing her too well. “Koi, stop it,” her hands
came to his face as they continued to speak between kisses. She pulled away, but held eye contact with him, her fingertips drinking in the skin
she’d barely gotten to touch in what they’d done. “I am fine, babe. Okay?” It was her turn to snuggle into him her arms wrapping
around his waist as she rested her head on his chest. She was fine. everything would be okay between them now that he was back to her.
“All I care about right now is you...-,” she whispered her words, before pressing her lips to his chest. She meant that. She may have lied about
being fine, but what she’d just said was true. “Do you want to talk about what happened downstairs?”
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
Koi, stop it. He heard her, but he meant what he'd said. Stop what? Seeing things for the way they'd really gone that night? Koi didn't care
how "fine" she told him she was or how "okay" everything was now. What had happened between them would never happen again. Even though he heard her
voice and felt her touch through the darkness, he still knew how far they'd gone only moments before. He knew how far he'd pushed her. How close he
should've been to losing Devyn completely. But she was still there, beside him...in the dark. Kissing him, her lips coming alive as they touched his.
She wasn't leaving, she wasn't leaving him alone. And Koi knew why. The promise. It was the promise that they'd both made to each other. She wasn't
going anywhere. And nor was he. Tonight had challenged that promise on her part, Koi had felt it in the distance between them. And if he could help
it, he didn't want to ever feel that again. So, no. There wouldn't be a second time. He'd never use her to "numb out" again.
Her pleas of "okay" and "fine" had him sighing heavily as she pulled closer to him, her arms falling around his waist, her head on his chest. He
kissed her hair as he let her lay against him, the feeling of her against his skin sinking in. She pressed against him again, the closeness that they
usual shared returning. Things were going back to normal. He wasn't the monster anymore and she wasn't the drug. She was Devyn and he was Koi. And it
felt fucking good to be back and to have her back in his arms. He closed his eyes at her words as she continued to speak, her kiss meeting his chest,
making the nerves erupt underneath his skin. He wrapped his long legs around hers, intertwining them like a root embedding himself in her. Steadying
himself in her.
Do you want to talk...? Koi's eyes opened again at her words. Talking? About downstairs? Wasn't that...the very thing that Koi was trying to
avoid? Wasn't that the reason why he did what he'd done to her that night? Avoiding the drama that his parents caused. Ignoring the feeling of
hopelessness. Numbing out everything that he couldn't deal with. Why the hell would he want to feel that again after everything he'd just done to make
it all go away. Quietly, he lay in her arms. Thinking. He thought about her question to him and what responding to it meant. No. He wasn't ready to
talk. He wasn't EVER ready to talk. Not about his family's situation. Not about his cheating father. And not about his "clocked out" mother. The only
thing he ever allowed himself to discuss was Eri. Because Eri was around enough. Eri listened. Eri spoke. Koi knew Eri. He knew she existed. But his
parents? Outside of basketball games and first day of school breakfast, they were ghosts. They were shadows of who they use to be. He didn't know
WHERE to start. But did that mean that he didn't WANT to start? Start talking? Finally open up to someone outside of Dhonny who didn't find out about
Koi's family's issues until they unraveled in front of him?
"I don't know." He answered her question truthfully. He didn't know. He didn't know how to say it or what to say. How the fuck did you tell someone
that your Daddy was a cheater and your Mom was too caught in her make believe world of "It'll get better" that she no longer noticed or cared?
"I don't know...what to say, Dev." He stopped talking, letting the silence of the room wash over him again.
It was over. She could feel things ease back into normal as they wrapped themselves in one another, his legs overtaking hers, her arms holding him in
the first embrace that felt normal that night. They were back. She was Devyn and he was Koi and the two of them were...together...Now that those
things were true, she could figure out how to really help him. ANd they could start at what had happened downstairs. Devyn could feel his eyes on her
even through the dark as she asked him about it. She knew he didn’t want to discuss it. Hell, she hadn’t shared her family drama with anyone.
Ever. She’d never found anyone...worthy. She’d never found anyone that genuinely cared and even if she had, back home knowing things
about Hilton Devereaux and his personal business was the kind of shit that made you go missing. She never had the option to share...
But Koi did. She was here to listen. She was here to help...if he wanted her help. A silence lingered after her question and she allowed it. She
wasn’t going to rush him through this. He didn’t even have to do it if he didn’t want to. If he wanted he could tell her ‘no’ and the two of
them would just lay here...maybe finish the movie they’d barely started, or do...something else. Almost anything else; it didn’t matter. They
could talk or not talk, but either way she’d be there until he didn’t need her anymore. I don’t know. Neither did she. She knew how it
was. She knew how hard it was to think about your fucked up family, let alone have fireside chats about them...She wouldn’t push him. Koi had
nothing but time to get out what he wanted to. If he wanted to... But it seemed as if it wasn’t that he didn’t know if he wanted to
talk...it was more of him not knowing what to say...okay...
“You know...my dad is a lot like yours...-,” he didn’t know how to start, but maybe she could help that. “A cheating, dirty bastard with not a
fuck to give for anyone’s feelings but his own. No offense.” She was sure there was none taken because she’d met Shemar. Her description was
spot on and his mother had only confirmed it when she attacked her in the kitchen. “You know...one day, me and my mom went out. I remember it was
like August because we were picking up school supplies and shit and we came back and he was in the living room with one of his “others”. They were
making the fuck out on my mother’s sofa like they were 14 year olds at a birthday party,” she stopped. He was right. This shit was hard. She’d
felt her eyes fill before she’d even mentioned her mother and there was a lump in her throat threatening to suffocate her. But she wasn’t
stopping.
“He, uh...He didn’t even say sorry to her. He and that bitch left together and he left me to pick up my moms pieces...A fucking 13 year old to
clean up his shit...”
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
When Koi thought about it, what could he say to Devyn about the shit that happened between her and his mother? How do you wrap
countless years of fucking infidelity and abuse into one conversation? It was impossible. It was impossible to even put into words his father's affect
on their family. It was almost like trying to explain color to Stevie Wonder. It just was...and the explanation of "was" wasn't simple. Koi wish he
knew. He wish he knew why his family existed in this mess the way they did, the drama so familiar that Koi swore it had its own seat at the dinner
table. He wish he knew why his mother stayed instead of taking her children and getting the fuck on. He even wish he knew why his Pops cheated the way
he did. The man had everything didn't he? A faithful wife, two kids that at one point, actually adored his unfaithful ass. Koi could barely remember
those days. He could barely remember wearing his Pop's number like the proud son of a legend that he was. He lived, slept...breathed his
father. And when he grew up, he wanted to be just like him. Well, the joke was on him. Because he got his wish... He was Shemar Kidd through
and through. His face, his talent...his heart. Or lack thereof. There wasn't any easy way to talk about more than ten years of bullshit and denial.
There just wasn't...
There was silence. No words to give. Koi just didn't have any. He didn't have anything to say that even looked like the beginning of a story that
wasn't even his to tell. It wasn't his. The drama had never been his. He'd inherited it from his parents that cared so damn much about themselves that
the didn't care when they passed down their shit. Their fights. Their unhappy marriage that neither one of them would end. Their nonexistent attention
to the daughter that needed them the most and to the son that barely needed them anymore. It was all one long, sad ass story. Stories had words. Why
didn't this one? So Koi laid there with her...Devyn in his arms, holding on to him so tightly that it almost seemed like she knew he wanted to run
away from her question. He did...want to run. He wanted to run away from it all and just keep running until his legs gave out and his heart burst
and...he didn't feel...THIS anymore.
You know... Koi heard Devyn begin to speak and he knew that she figured out what his silence meant without even asking. It was insane that
they were like this. So alike that he wondered if their heartbeats matched pace. So clairvoyant with each other that he wondered if they shared the
same mind. The same thoughts. But so ignorant of each other's lives that that connection seemed strained sometimes. But the connection was there. It
was there as she talked about her father for the first time, her words sounding like his. Cheating, dirty bastard with not a fuck to give or
anyone's feelings. Damn if that didn't sound like Shemar. And so did her story of her father. The only recollection that Koi heard about one of
her parents. That sounded like him, too as the happy stories were few and far between. Koi's hold on her tightened as she spoke, his fingers tracing
the crevice of her spine, listening and understanding more than she knew. He was quiet as she finished, taking what she'd just told him in.
"That's your worse story?" He muttered, chuckling sourly. "How's this one? The eve of my tenth birthday. Me, Moms and Eri are sitting, watching the
ball drop in Times Square on the television. Dad was away at a game in New York and it was just us. But Moms felt like if we all were seeing the same
thing at the same time, we'd feel like we were actually together." Koi cringed, remembering as he spoke.
"The countdown started and you know how the close up on celebrities in the crowd? My mom and I were up in that television like we'd actually spot my
Pops. And we did...right when the countdown ended. Up in some fuckin' Becky's face...kissing her like he kissed my mom." A sigh escaped him as the
memory got realer.
"They tried to pan the camera away real quick...but I saw him. Moms did too... I think that was the first time I'd ever seen her cry..."
Devyn got quiet after she’d finished her little story. She felt...lighter. It was weird, sharing something like that with anybody, but after she was
done with it she felt...better. As if a little bit of a weight had been lifted from her and she could...breathe easier, that lump in her throat
dissolving. She didn’t want to cry about the shit like she thought she might have and it didn’t hurt as much as she thought it would either...That
was the thing about memories, she guessed. They weren’t supposed to hurt like they did in the moment. They were over. Whatever it was happened and
it was over and that kind of shit couldn’t hurt you anymore...right? Nah...she knew that shit wasn’t true. Feelings might fade, but they never
went the fuck away...Imagine how well adjusted she would be if the did.
Koi’s voice interrupted her thoughts, asking if that was her worse story. HA! She wished. Compared to most things that was a great day. What Koi
didn’t know (and never would if she had anything to do with it) was that Devyn’s daddy might have been like Shemar on a basic level, but he was
much, much worse. His dad was an asshole. Her’s was Lucifer in human form...but it wasn’t a competition. Or maybe it was as he
tried to one-up her with one of his own memories about his family. She winced when he got to the punchline of it all, his dad tonguing down some girl
on national television...That sucked. And that wasn’t even the worst of it. He had to watch his mom react to it...
Devyn kissed his chest again after he was done. The two of them must have done some fucked up shit in their past lives to have been dealt parents like
theirs. It was shit. It was shit, but they did what they could to get through...right now, that seemed to be telling each other the rough shit.
Purging, if you will. It was good and she was going to keep it going...she thought. Devyn wanted to give him something else; tell him another
fucked up anecdote, but since he’d mentioned it, she could only think of the worst.
Midnight on the 4th of July. Her mom tried getting back at her dad by having a little fun of her own with some guy. She set it up so that Hilton would
come in and find them together before things got too real...she just wanted to prove a point. She probably should have know better as her husband had
a notorious history for proving his points with violence. After pistol whipping the shit out of both her mom and her faux lover, Hilton shot that man
in the chest and let him bleed out on his bedroom floor. Devyn had watched from the hallway through the crack in the door...and no one knew about the
fireworks in her house because of the fireworks outside of it...Yeah. If she told the whole truth, Koi couldn’t win this this little pissing match
of imperfect parents. His dad was just a whore. Her father was a monster.
“I’m sorry your dad’s a dick, kid...” She was. He was. It sucked and she didn’t want to play this ‘my life sucks more’ game with him. It
would make things worse not better. “Your life sucks.” Devyn smiled a little, a small giggle leaving her lips as she craned her neck to look at
him. Her lips kissed his chin before she relaxed into him again. “I wish there was something i could do to make it suck less.”
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
And it kind of sounded like Koi was trying to play a round of "Who's got the biggest dick". And he did mean "dick" as, from the sound of it, both he
and Devyn's father earned the titles with earnest. There wasn't another way to say it. Their "fathers" (he used the term loosely) sucked at all things
fatherly. There was no competition needed as he kind of wished he had a father that didn't qualify. Koi couldn't pretend that he didn't wonder what it
would be like to have a father that cared about him and the shit he did. What was it like to have a dad that participated in his life because he
wanted to, not because he was protecting his own legacy? What was it like to have a father that actually...loved him? When Koi was younger, after his
dad stopped giving a shit about his household, he would pretend that his dad was still who he had been in the very beginning. He pretended that his
dad would give him pointers on the court instead of paying some stand in trainer to do it for him. He pretended that his father would hang around for
holidays and birthdays, just so he could use that as a chance to dote on his one and only son. Now, the reality of it was that Koi wasn't even sure if
he WAS his father's only son. His father was the crowned prince of Dirt and Lies. No one challenged him for that title.
Except Devyn's dad. He could see it in her face. She had almost as little, if not less, respect for her father as Koi had for his. And Koi would've
never guessed it. Not like he assumed everyone had what Dhonny had. Matter of fact, most of his friends had jacked up home lives. Derrick's parents
barely saw him as their work at their private practice called for more attention than they gave their kids, too. Miyu didn't even live with her
parentals as they were too busy doting on their genius of a son. And now he could add Devyn to that list. Poor little rich kids.
Devyn's lips against his skin pulled him out of his thoughts after the silence fell again. He looked down at her, his hand leaving her back, fingers
going to that "big ass hair" he loved. He was glad she'd told him though. Talking about her dad had opened up a door for him, one he didn't know how
to walk through on his own. He'd talked about Shemar to her...and she'd understood. And even though he hadn't gone into detail about what'd happened
with her and his mother, she just...knew. She figured it out. His father was a cheater. His mother avoided it all and the children were the ones that
suffered. The story of not only Koi's life, but hers too. That was why it didn't take more that the story he'd told and she just knew. She understood
him.
"The biggest..." He said, answering Devyn's comment. He wanted to laugh off the story he'd told her but...for a moment, he didn't need to play off how
much it'd hurt him to recap it. He didn't have to "not care". Your life sucks. It kinda did. He knew that. Hers did too. But it felt
good...to know that someone "got it". That he wasn't alone. He smiled quickly at her kiss to his chin, her affection bringing him back to her.
"There is..." He answered, lowering his lips to hers before her head met his chest again. "...you're doing it." And the quiet came again. And Koi
welcomed it. He didn't need words. Their arms around each other was enough. And even if it was only enough for now...for that moment...he'd take it.
Devyn giggled as the two of them stumbled into the house much earlier than either of them had anticipated. What was it? One? Two in the morning
almost? Was anyone home? She didn’t know. In her current state, it really didn’t matter. Her inhibitions were completely out the window, as
she’d proven on the ride home. I just need a little practice, babe…Ha. She spent the whole timewith her head in his lap and her
ass on full display from the passenger side window. She didn’t have any shame left to give a shit if his mom was home right now. As per usual, she
and Koi were locked in the world they’d created for themselves and all outsiders could wait.
His hands kneaded her ass as her lips twisted against his and they walked up the stairs. More like fell. They made it something like half-way before
the kid tripped, taking Devyn down with him. She laughed, her body resting on top of his with his hands still holding her close. “Maybe you should
just fuck me on the stairs-,” she laughed again at her own joke, her lips meeting his quickly before her hands found the floor beneath them and she
tried to push away.
He wasn’t having it, his lips finding hers again as his hands slipped from her ass to her hips, his hold tightening. She let him kiss her, the same
way he had been since she’d started things on the dance floor of The Rex. Her hands cupped his face as she bit his bottom lip, sucking at it as he
tried to pull her even closer. God, she could feel his heartbeating in her chest...Was was it beating so fast?
“Babe-,” she tried to talk, pulling back a little, only to have his lips follow her shutting her up. She moaned. Gah, why was it always so hard to
concentrate with him? She knew why his heart was beating so fucking fast and it wasn’t just because of her. She pulled back again, “I’m joking,
Koi.”
Didn’t seem like Koi was though.
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
He fucking wanted to touch her everywhere... His lips were twisted in hers, his kiss pulling at her so strongly that it felt like he was
breathing her exhales. She giggled between his lips as they stumbled over the threshold of his house, the foyer dark as no one was home. Not a
surprise. Lately, that's what was expected. His mother had been off of the island on business, his father...somewhere plugging some whore's
holes. And Eri was over her nanny's house, having a sleepover with the nanny's daughter. Tonight was one of the times that all that emptiness was a
good thing. They could be as loud as they wanted... Koi would take advantage of that, for damn sure. And he knew Devyn would, her loud kisses
reminding him of the sexy sounds her mouth was making in his lap on the way back from the club. Baby must have formed gills because she didn't surface
once, making Koi thank whoever was up there watching out for them that he didn't crash his whip the way she was handling his dick. Fuck...
All that thinking about the shit that happened in the car had Koi a little disoriented and absent minded as they stumbled in the dark, trying to make
their way to the stairs to his room.
"Shit!" He cursed between kisses, feeling himself slip backwards, his body meeting the stairs. Devyn fell on top of him, laughing as his hands never
left her. He felt everyone of her curves against him, her body still moving against him. He couldn't help but touch her, squeezing her ass tighter as
he started their kiss again. She felt so good, her body warm against his.
Maybe you should just fuck me on the stairs... Fuck. Koi groaned breathily, the suggestion turning him on more than he probably should've
been. But with the combination of drugs pumping through his veins, in his blood...in his head...he was ready for anything. He was ready to push her
dress up over her ass, push her thighs apart and slip inside of her. Right there...on the stairs. She lowered herself to kiss him again, but he held
her down, her voice calling out for him. Her moan sent the heat up in him even more as he kissed her. His hands slipped to the bottom of her dress,
grabbing her more firmly as he pulled the bottom of her dress over her ass. His kiss got more wild, frantic...his teeth nipping at her lip before he
let his tongue slip into her mouth again.
"I know. Shhhh..." He hushed her, one of his hands leaving her ass as his finger slipped further, playing with her through her panties, feeling where
she parted below through them.
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