Complicated...sure. Complicated was a good word for it. There were things Jude couldn’t and wouldn’t know about some of the things that Kaili had
just said to Jude and trying to explain them here wouldn’t do them any justice anyway. Not to mention, her desire to explain anything was
non-existent at the moment. She was more interested in what Jude thought of what they had done before the fight with Nui had begun. Were the two of
them...together now? Kaili had never been in a real relationship with anyone. Sure, she had guy friends that she kind of hung out with, but never like
Jude. She had never been alone with a boy, certainly not at night, and certainly not with...an outsider. As much as she hated it, that was what Jude
was. He wasn’t from home; he hadn’t grown up here and that made things...complicated. More complicated than he could wrap his head around.
Sometimes more complicated than even she knew. She still didn’t understand her father’s interest in Jude, but she continued to let the part of her
that wanted to be with Jude overpower the part of her that wanted to know why that was okay. The Shore was known for its...tolerance for outsiders,
but Alemana had always held a special distaste for them. Kaili had never known why and she had never bothered to ask, but now the question came to her
again and again, more often than not.
Again Jude told her that her apology was unnecessary. But she felt like it was. She was sorry about Nui, sorry for him being harassed every time he
came here, sorry everything was so...complicated. She moved to tell him that. That even though it wasn’t ‘her fault’...she was responsible. But
he spoke first his words careful as he came to stand in front of her. The wrong idea? What could that mean? The wrong idea about what? His hand fell
away from hers as she looked to him, her confusion apparent. Is it okay for you to...be with me? She felt her heart flutter in her chest at
the thought of what he might mean by that. Was he asking if they were...exclusive? No. He just meant here. Was it okay for her to be with him
here.
“Jude, don’t listen to Nui-,” she sighed looking away from him ad her arms crossed over her chest, a new awkwardness falling over their
conversation. “He’s...an asshole.” That wasn’t what she was going to say. She wanted to tell Jude Nui was wrong, but...he wasn’t. She and
Jude weren’t supposed to be here together. She and Jude weren’t supposed to breathe the same air for more than five minutes at a time. He was an
outsider, a stranger, a haloe...and she was the daughter of a tribal elder. Nothing about this was right, but...she wanted it to be. She
liked Jude; she liked him a lot and even if they didn’t get into a serious relationship, she at least wanted his friendship. He wasn’t like other
outsiders; he was different. The kind of different Kaili wanted to know better and Nui wasn’t going to stop that...And neither would her father. Why
was Jude mentioning her father? If anyone should make him nervous, she would think it would be Keahi...but he was worried about what would piss off
her father? No. No, no, no. Jude was different and he didn’t know anything about anything. He wasn’t like the guys in her tribe looking for a way
to use her as an in. He didn’t know to use her as one...did he?
“Of course I would but...I don’t...understand. What exactly are you asking me to do, Jude? And what does my dad have to do with anything? Is this
because of what I said to Nui? Because I only brought my dad up to him because I knew he wouldn’t try to test a run in with him-,” her words were
coming fast and she was sure he didn’t understand anything she was asking, but that only made them even. What did her father have to do with the two
of them?
I'll let you put your hands on me in my skin-tight jeans;
be your teenage dream tonight.
From the moment before Nui snuck up on them, emerging from the brush of the trails, to the moment that existed now, standing in front of Kaili with so
much confusion in his face that he was sure she saw it too, Jude was lost. Lost as to what to think about anything that had just transpired between
them. And lost, so much more lost than anything. Jude couldn't help but think that if it wasn't for Nui's arrival, would he have even thought some of
the things that were running through his head. Thoughts about rules and laws of the land...and thoughts about what would happen had he broken them.
What would he have been thinking if things had been different? Maybe the kiss. Maybe he would've been thinking about what was going to happen next
with...them. Not what would happen to him...once Nui told Keahi...and much worse, her father. The word "them" was a laugh, really.
Because inside, Jude knew that everything that Nui had said about the retaliations from him being an outsider and being with Kaili they way he had
been were true. Uncomfortably true. There was no room to think of the things that could be with he and Kaili when he didn't even know if he'd live to
find out if they actually could've been. Whether the kiss they'd shared would've gone beyond "awkward" and into...god knew what. Jude had never...done
that before. He'd never done anything that even mimicked a...relationship. And, fuck his life, when he did...it was now...when there was a possibility
that he just signed his own death certificate. He had a death wish. Obviously. Of all the girls that he could've...felt something for,
liked...it had to be the most complicated one of all.
"I..." With a soft sigh and a less audible curse word leaving his lips, Jude put his hands on the top of his head, his fingers joining there, eyes
closing at Kaili's question...more like stream of questions. Everything was so completely jumbled inside of his head, from the kiss to Nui, to the
look on her father's face when he found out that Jude and Kaili had been alone on the trails. And was it too much to think that her father probably
had a machete just as sharp and just as long as Nui's waiting for him? Dammit. He couldn't help but feel completely...guilty. Was that a feeling he
was supposed to have after kissing someone? But he felt it, heavy in his chest, pressing down on it as he opened his eyes and looked at Kaili,
standing there...and probably thinking he was completely crazy. It was just...that...he felt a sense of responsibility. Like Kaili's dad
almost...trusted him. Even as an outsider. Even as someone who was so foreign that he shouldn't have even been two feet NEAR Kaili. Her dad
must have trusted him. Trusted him to keep his fucking hands off of her and to just...listen and learn from her. But now, he'd get the message that
Jude was doing just the opposite of what he probably expected. And there went the trust...and for some reason...it meant so much. So very much...
"I just...I don't know top from bottom here..." He confessed, dropping his arms and stuffing his hands in his pockets, once again. "I'm an outsider.
And as much as this should be home to me...as much as I want it to be. I'm the one foreign thing here..." Trying to explain how he felt was almost
like trying to speak the native tongue that he would probably never understand. He could barely understand his own feelings and here he was, trying to
group them all together and just...lunging them at Kaili.
"I just don't want to do anything the wrong way. Coming here means too much to me..." Walking towards Kaili again, standing close to her, he looked
down at her and hoped that she could see into him, see the feelings that his clumsy words wouldn't express. "Being able to see...you...it-that means
too much to me."
Man has a choice and it's a choice that makes him a man...
This was not how things were supposed to be now. They’d kissed. Nothing about the politics of who she was or the rest of the tribe was supposed to
matter! They should have been talking about them not anyone outside of them. Nui didn’t matter, her brother didn’t matter, her
father...could probably be swayed...She and Jude could be together and she was all for that idea now that she knew for a fact that he was too. She
wanted this! She could only imagine what being Jude Kane’s girlfriend would be like, but now she had the potential to find out. She had a chance to
find out what having a boyfriend would be like, period...If only she could get him to focus on them, not...everything else! Ugh!
But she had to deal with this, now. Her brow furrowed a bit more as he sighed and she found herself wishing she could read his thoughts rather than
just his emotions. The frustration and confusion and worry was written all over his face, but his lips would not utter specifics. What exactly was
bothering him? He didn’t have to worry about her father. He had no reason to even bring him into this; even if he didn’t approve Alemana would
never have to know, just like he knew nothing of the rival gym from last summer or Ailani’s Sweet 16...but those things were neither here nor there.
The point was her father knew nothing about those incidents and there was no reason he had to know about the boy who could be her boyfriend.
I just don’t know top from bottom here...That was true enough. She hadn’t taken the time to explain much of anything to Jude and it
wasn’t because she didn’t want to, it was because she couldn’t. There were so many reasons that ‘knowing top from bottom’ was off limits to
him and they were the same reasons that the two of them was such a laughable idea to the rest of her tribe. There were things Jude would never know
about her, no matter how much he gave of himself; things she was bound by her tribe to keep from him. They could never have a completely honest
relationship and everyone else was willing to accept that...everyone but her.
Her features softened as his words continued and before he finished, her lips had settled into a small smile. Being able to see you means
too much to me. She bit her bottom lip, looking away from his face for just a moment as she felt her face redden again. “I guarantee you-,”
she began, pausing as her hand reached to cup his face, “You are doing everything the right way.” And he was. Perhaps she was selfish,
but her bother and father’s happiness meant nothing to her at that very point in time. All that mattered was her happiness...and Jude made her
happy.
I'll let you put your hands on me in my skin-tight jeans;
be your teenage dream tonight.
![[*]](images/davis/default_icon.gif){kind=icon}
