Martine thought that maybe when she arrived in Kapuhai, her pessimistic outlook on life may have been swayed a little more to the optomistic side of
life; but just like so many times in her life she was wrong. But really, the root of her pessimistic outlook ran too deep to just be changed by just a
simple change of scenery. Someone with a lot of time, and devotion, would have to change that for her. But she wasn't going to let anyone get that
close to her again anytime soon. But wasn't that the whole reason she moved to Kapuhai? To move on, maybe even find someone who meant more to her, but
she was even disagreeing with her self; how would she cope with a boyfriend. She just wasn't good with commitment.
Sighing, she brought her head out of her thoughts and back to her reality. Looking over the kapuhai sunset, she was reminded of home (not because the
sunset was anything similar to Leeds) but she had always been fascinated how the sun would droop then drop out out of site. Though she knew she
wouldn't regret her leaving home, she did miss one of her true friends; Jacob. Over the years she had been there for her when even her family
couldn't, but then again nothing could bring her back now; he had killed herself with drugs. Drugs, drinks and everything inbetween that's what killed
him. Though she would reveal it, that was why she moved out here; she didn't want up dead alone surrounded by the drugs and drink that had killed her.
Bringing the bottle of vodka she had brought from the liqour store, she relished in the feeling of the liquid burning it's path down her throat like
wild fire. Though it had once brought her pain, she now gained pleasure from the feeling; it burned away the harsh memories that seemed branded to her
brain...at least when she was sober. Lifting the away from her lips, she set herself down on the grass and looked up to the sky; "I hope your having
fun up there Jacob," she sighed bringing the bottle back up to her lips.
She missed Jacob, and there really was no denying it. She knew the empty feeling she had felt when she had found Jacob where not the feelings that
friends shared, they were the feelings that lovers felt when one had been taken from this world; she had been in love with him. But this was a long
time ago, and she knew it did no good to dwel on the past. If only she could erase all the memories, all they do is bring her more pain. Closing her
eyes, she felt the air around her begin to cool as the sun had dipped behind the horizon, leaving the stars to stake their claim on the night sky. So
many times she had though of ended her life, she so she could be with Jacob again but what good did killing yourself really do? And jumping of this
cliff, there would always be the chance that instead of killing yourself you would end up seriously injuring yourself and end up being wheel-chair
bound...but then again there were several outcomes of many things in life.
Her inner-thoughts were in interupted by the faint crunching of grass beneth someones feet, coming closer with each step. Her eyes fluttered open to
see a young man storming across the grass, and coming to a stop near the edge. She could hear him mutter curses inbetween breaths, well when he wasn't
constantly drinking from the rapidly emptying bottle of whiskey in his hand. Trying to stiffle her drunken giggle as he choked on the whiskey he was
holding. She looked over him as he stood there; he seemed to be dressed in what you would call 'in' clothes, but he really didn't seem happy about
something. Shrugging it off, she took another sip of the bottle still watching him silently. But as he started stepping closer, she knew what was
coming next. "What the fuck are you doing?"
Of course this guy would be annoyed at her interupting him, but most of the time the suicide victims want people to stop them; to save their life. She
supposed they would regret it, but they couldn't...because they'd be dead of course. But then again, this guy looked too drunk to even care anyway.
She rolled her eyes at his sarastic answer, she really wasn't in the mood for this right now having been over all the painful memories...and for once
hitting the bottle didn't really help. How many times had she been in that position, just wanting to end it all; the pain, the suffering...the loss.
But life goes on, no matter how it hurt and she wasn't going to let some guy ruin his whole life just because he acted on some fucked up impulse. As
she watched his take a small step foward, she knew she would have to act or he would go plumeting towards the deep blue depths.
"I don't give a fuck if you don't have time, you really don't want to do this," she snapped, hauling herself up off the grass. "And don't say you
don't know what it feels like; I've been there I've wanted to end it all far more times than anyone sane. Just step back and think." Martine wasn't
sure why she cared...she just didn't want someone to ruin their life over an impulse...ruin his life just like Jacob did.
She wasn't sure why she had warned him not to do it, but she knew it was what happened to Jacob which influenced it; she remembered the pain she had
felt when she had found Jacob dead at his own hands, she didn't want someone else having to be put through the suffering of loosing someone close to
them. If this guy had anyone close to him, but then again didn't everybody? But the she knew that wasn't all right, she didn't have anyone who would
care if she just jumped into the deep blue right there. But then she would have become a complete hypocrite, and who wanted to be remembered for that
as their last moment? No-one, exactly.
She breathed a slight sigh of relief when he stepped back, at least she had done something good rather than just making him feel worse; that was what
she normally did to people. Taking a small swig from the rapidly emptying bottle, she sat on the hard rock which was on the edge of the cliff face
they had both breifly considered ending their lives off of. "No problem, but then again you wouldn't have had time to regret it anyway," she huffed,
sideways at him, slipping back into her slightly defensive personality. "So," she began taking another drink of the liquid, "how'd you end up in the
state that you wanted to, well y'know, end it all? Oh, and the name's Martine." She smiled breifly at him, before looking back over the water, and the
indigo sky that was above it.
Why was she even taking interest in this guy? In truth, she should have just stayed quiet and let him get on with that; but she could let someone else
do something that others, not him, would regret him doing. She hadn't talked about what had happened with Jacob, not to anyone. But she felt that
maybe letting it all out could help. There was a slightest hope that he would ask why she was contemplating it, or why she stopped it...then at least
maybe she could let it all out and maybe even be free of some of the pain she felt inside of her heart. Her only regret was that she had never told
him how she felt, but there would always be regrets in life; no one could possibly do everything right.
She looked down at the bottle in her hand; she had little under half a bottle left and knowing she would regret drinking it all now, she cast it aside
to her right wanting to savour what she had left. She leaned back onto the rock as he talked in a harsh tone. Love, when did it ever do any
good? Even when it wasn't you falling in love, you can be affected be your sister, brother and in his case, best friend. She knew what it was like
being around to lovers, you always felt slightly out of place and intrusive, not the best feeling in the world. Being dumped...now wasn't that a fun
expirence. Somehow, she had never been the dumpee, always the dumper. Maybe it was her harsh personality, but she found it strangly easy and natural
to cut of any relationship...she was just so cynical in that way.
"Nice to meet you Seth," she offered him a small smile as her eyes raked over his body. It wasn't something she meant in a lustful way, though many a
men thought it, she just judged people by their apperance, as shallow as it sounded. The bleached hair and piercings made him seem, maybe similar to
her personality but the designer clothes he wore slightly condraticted that, shrugging it off she turned back to his face. "So, what brought you here
to the sunny shores of Kapuhai?" she asked as her hand began to creep towards the bottle she had just recently cast aside.
Martine wasn't sure sure why she was intruding on this guy's, Seth's, private life. All she had intended for this night was to get herself drunk, as
simple as it seemed, but getting drunk would make her forget about the pain from her life. But then again, in the morning it would be back and the
cycle would repeat. She turned her head so she could look at Seth, she knew how...agravating it was to be dismissed and not listened to, it made her
feel slightly wothless, but that was another subject for a different time. Escape, that was his reason, and she could relate with that reason all too
well, maybe a little too much. After listening to him, she came to realised that he sounded pretty similar to her; the fresh start, bad memories...it
was really her story. Maybe simlified a little though.
"Well, it's pretty similar to your reason; I wanted to escape the...memories and the pain that was joined to it from my past. Of course they're still
here in my head now, but what was I really expecting? For it to all go away, well I think I must have been pretty oblivious to the real world at the
time!" She laughed bitterly at herself, unscrewing the cap to the bottle and bringing it back to her lips. "Jacob my...friend commited suicide, and I
found him. It didn't want someone else to ruin their life as well, that's why I stopped you. In case you were wondering," she winked, looking at him
again. "I just wish I could have told Jacob how I felt about him...at least part of me would have been at rest." She wasn't sure why she had told him,
but it had felt good to talk about it...to maybe release some of that pent up pain. "Hey, I'm sorry about that. Look at me, I'm a mess! Drinking vodka
out of a bottle, and telling you one of my closest secrets...and I've only just met you!"
Martine barely knew this guy, er...Seth, yet she felt as if she could relate to him. They had both moved to the shores in the attempt to escape the
painful memories of an old life...and both had ended up almost ending their lives by jumping into the deep blue un-known. A small part, well hidden
away, was glad that she hadn't told Jacob how she felt, it probably would have ended badly...nothing ever went well with her. He could have rejected
her; and un-requited love on her part or he could have accepted it and said he had the same feelings. But then if he still would have killed himself,
she knew that the pain would have been all the more worse knowing the future they could have had.
"Finally, someone else who agrees with my concepts of love!" she laughed, taking another swig from her bottle. She could tell by the slight haze over
her vision, that the vodka was making her drunk...but then again she didn't give a fuck. "Love is just a fucking pain, and I most definetley not going
there again," as she giggled slightly, she lost her balance and tumbled into Seth. "Oops! But you see, I really am I mess. And, up to now anyway, I
think we are pretty much alike!" Grabbing the bottle, she brought it back up to her lips as she began to drink away the remaining contents. "Oh," she
looked up at Seth, "I'm not going to be getting up anytime soon, I'm kinda comfy." She winked at him, as she lay across his lap letting her drunken
mind control her decisions.
Martine knew she was drunk. She was draped across Seth's lap as if they had known each other for months, and it felt...good. For once she was just
happy to be; well, she would be happy as long as the bottle of vodka in her hand didn't empty oh so soon. Martine leaned into Seth's touch slightly as
he brushed a stray hair from her face and whispered huskily down to her. Whether influenced by her drunken state or not, it felt nice...being treated
with respect by a man, someone not just wanting her for sex; well she didn't really know what Seth wanted and in reality, it probably was just sex
anyway.
"Hmmm," she breathed, looking back up at him. "We both just agreed love was a peice of shit, and yet here you are flirting with me," she smirked,
looking up into his eyes. She hadn't come here to fall in love; she had come to start agin. But she liked Lucas, she felt that she could be free with
him, and not have to put up a fake mask. But he wasn't the furst guy she felt free with, there would always be Jacob...no one could take his place in
her heart, or so she thought at the time. Brining her body up, she set up straight so she was almost level with his talll frame. Now she as closer,
she could see the features of his face more clearly, but her eyes kept drawing back to his lips. "Well, since we're now contradicting our selves about
what we have said about Love, I think I need to do something hypocritical," she breathed a small smirk playing on her mouth. Leaning closer, she
pressed her lips against Seth's as she carelessly discarded the bottle she had been holding.
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