Ugh. She hated history. It was she and Jude's last final, thank the Gods and she was sure the test was going to be rigged either way. Mr. Payne hated
them and if all she could pull a D in that class it would be a frickin' miracle. But here they were anyway...studying. Kind of. It was weird how
things were between she and Jude since they became a couple. They were obviously together when they were off the shore. Lunch together, holding hands,
kisses before class. She loved every minute of it. He was her boyfriend and he was completely into the title...until they crossed into the
Shore. The only time they were close then was when she was on the back of his bike and as soon as she was off he was arms length away. No matter where
they were. Even their Nui-free return trip up Nui Mu...She'd finally gotten him back up there and they'd stayed until dark just watching the waves and
the lights from town when it was dark enough, but they barely touched. Kind of like now as the two of them laid in the middle of her floor going over
some chapter of history that was probably a lie as it was told from a haloe's point of view.
There was enough space to fit a family of three between them and it was always like this when they were here...she loved being with Jude but she hated
being with him here. Her brother had completely scarred him into thinking if Jude thought about her too hard he'd know immediately and come in here to
kill him. He wouldn't, but that didn't mean Jude wasn't taking whatever talk they'd had completely serious. It didn't matter how hard she tried to get
close to him, Jude always found a way away from her and even if he let her get a hug or hold his hand for just a second, she could feel the tension.
She was tired of it! Gah, she just...she wanted her boyfriend to be her boyfriend no matter where they were. It'd been almost six months for goodness
sake! She knew what they'd agreed to but it was getting to be harder and harder the more time they spent on the Shore.
"Jude, you know Keahi can't actually see us here. You can get a little closer-," she smiled a little at him as he looked up from his textbook. This
was forever the way their "study sessions" started and until she figured something out to make him more comfortable, it always would be...
I'll let you put your hands on me in my skin-tight jeans;
be your teenage dream tonight.
The words on the page in the History notes in front of him blurred. Jude's eyes had been staring at them for so long that they didn't even look
like...words...anymore. They were just...jumbles. Bundles of letters without a single meaning...or at least to him, there was no meaning. There was
meaning because he wasn't comprehending a single piece of it. Mostly because haole history was bullshit. It was skewed and one sided and...really,
there wasn't anything that entertained him about it. It wasn't like Moku history. Moku history was rich and...magical. There was something about
listening to those stories that made everything sound like his. Like the history belonged to him, not people with lighter complexions and
lighter hair. It was his. It ran through his blood and pooled at his very core. He felt it there. He felt the history in his heart. He had no room for
haole history, not anymore. Not now that everything Moku filled the chambers that had been empty for so long. The culture, the food, the
Gods...Kaili.
Silently, he watched her out of the corner of his eye, hers were planted to the history book too. That look was on her face. The one she wore when she
read, smelled, saw, heard anything that she didn't like. Her nose kind of wrinkled and she rolled her eyes a lot. It was cute...NO. No way. Quickly,
he looked away from her, his eyes finding the same words that meant nothing. He couldn't...do that. He couldn't think about those things. At
least...not at the moment. Not on the Shore. It was crazy, but he literally felt like every intention...all the Moku men knew them. Because he was the
foreigner, nothing belonged to him on the Shore. Not even his thoughts! So he quieted them whenever he could and saved them for the other side, where
it was fine to call Kaili who she actually was. His girlfriend. After six months, it still sounded foreign on his tongue. Kind of like the
Hawaiian that Kaili was trying so hard to teach him. But the actions weren't. He held her hand. He hugged her. He kissed her. It felt different. For a
place that felt like a prison for him, the other side was a bit of a relief when it came to Kaili.
Hearing his name, he looked to the side, his fingers pushing his long hair back from his eyes. And there was that face, the scrunched little nose, the
displeasure that she tried to hide with a smile. Uh-oh. Jude knew what was coming. He'd heard it time and time again...meaning every moment he'd spent
with her on the Shore in the past six months. She wasn't happy...with them. Not like that. Just...things were too distant with them on the Shore. And
she didn't like it. And to be truthful, he didn't either. But one thing Jude did like? His life and the ability to NOT have to breathe through a
tube.
"Kaili, come on." He whispered, his eyes glancing at the door when he spoke. "You know the rules. Your brother made them...painfully clear." And Keahi
had. There were only so many ways that a person could interpret "limbs cut off..." It wasn't exactly up for loose translations.
"I'm just...respecting them." More like he was just respecting his life above ground.
Man has a choice and it's a choice that makes him a man...
Ugh. He always did this. Keahi had completely scared him into keeping his distance on the Shore and as much as Kaili tried to convince Jude that Keahi
did not know all, she never had any luck. She just wanted him to be comfortable here. Jude had been coming to her home or some part of the Shore
almost daily for the last six months and damn it if her brother, Nui, and any other asshole boy on the Shore hadn't reminded him he was visiting every
time. It didn't seem to get better for him here and the only time it did was when her father was around. By some inexplicable miracle, Alemana had
really taken to Jude. Of the people on the Shore who might want to rip his throat out, she figured her father might be number one, but no. How was
that was possible? Kaili had asked but never gotten a real answer. Alemana always somehow brought things back to Things will be clear in time
or some other cryptic crap that did nothing to cure her curiosity. But it was fine. She was spending time with Jude and that was all that really
mattered to her. She wouldn't ask too many questions about why Jude was allowed on the Shore, let alone in her room, she would just...enjoy it. For
the most part.
Of course when he was here they always ran into the same problem. Kaili come on. You know the rules. Ugh! Yes she knew the rules. She was
reminded of them every time she tried to get him within ten feet of her. Kaili sighed rolling her eyes as she rolled over onto her back turning back
to face Jude. "Jude, I'm not asking you to lay on top of me-," her smile widened as she rolled once more, coming shoulder to shoulder with him before
she finished, "I'm just saying you don't have to be so far away." She nudged him playfully with her shoulder, resisting the urge to steal a kiss and
give him a heart attack. She could already tell he was uncomfortable, staring her door down willing it not to open any wider than the crack Kaili had
left.
Kaili sighed, pushing up as she came to stand. Pulling at the hem of her shirt to straighten it out, she walked to her door, pushing it closed slowly to keep it from sounding as the door met the frame. "Better?" Of
course it wasn't. Because she hadn't broken one of Keahi's many rules, she'd broken the only one of Alemana's.
I'll let you put your hands on me in my skin-tight jeans;
be your teenage dream tonight.
And...it starts. Jude was surprised that the quiet in Kaili's room had settled for as long as it had. That they'd sat there, without a
complaint from her about his distance, as long as they had. That a "discussion" about that distance hadn't started between them. But all of that came
to an end with Kaili's question and Jude's answer, one that she should have known would come. This was their "thing". Their routine. It had been for
the six months that Jude had been sneaking off of his side of the island, Shore bound to be with Kaili. And of course, he was still sneaking. His Unc'
Li had no idea that Jude's "trips to the Outskirts" or "hanging out with new friends" were really him fleeing to the Shore whenever he could. Jude was
pretty positive of that. Because if Mauli knew that he was anywhere on the Shore, hanging with the girl that Mauli had forbid him from seeing?
Yeah...Jude would know. But in that time, Kaili had made it pretty clear that she wanted things to be as open as they were on the Shore as they were
off of it. She knew that was impossible. From the moment all of this started between them, she knew it was impossible. This was...their secret. The
thing that they had to keep quiet and hidden away just to keep it going. And that was proving to be really difficult. Especially with Kaili wanting
what she couldn't have from him around so many Moku people...that happened to carry machetes.
"Kaili. Shhhh." Staring at the door a little longer than he had the first time, Jude interrupted his overly anxious girlfriend's words. Was she
crazy?! He was beginning to think she was, especially saying things like "lay on top of me" that loud with the door to her bedroom cracked. Jude was
pretty sure that he was about to see Keahi burst through that crack, machete in hand, murder in his eyes. Thankfully, no one came...and that was
Kaili's signal to push things even further. Jude really liked Kaili. He did! There wasn't a moment, in the six months that they'd been "dating", that
he didn't think about how he lucked out when he'd run into her in the halls of AJW that day, kicking the shit out of his locker. But as much as he
liked her, cared for her, wanted to make her happy...she asked a LOT whenever she asked him to defy rules that her father had placed over his house.
She couldn't understand. Jude knew that now. She would never understand being the foreign thing in a place that she'd known before she was born. The
Shore was in her blood...and it was in his too but...he didn't know. It was different. And she didn't get it. Things were really dangerous for him.
They weren't empty threats and slaps on the hand like they were for her.
When she rolled closer to him, their shoulders nearly touching, he flinched and continued to stare at the door. He hated to be such a "kill" when it
came to their time together. But his head was in another place when they were together on the Shore and it wasn't necessarily in her playful nudges,
nor her...absolutely amazing smile...that he couldn't think about with her this close to him in her father's house.
Hearing her sigh, Jude's eyes left the door hesitantly as he watched her get up...and CLOSE IT. WHAT was she doing?!
"Kaili." He called her name, his voice disapproving. "Come on, babe. Not cool..."
Man has a choice and it's a choice that makes him a man...
She didn't want to nag him. That was why she'd waited and hoped, in vain, that Jude would just slide over a smidge and be closer to her on his own.
But he hadn't. Kaili knew she nagged him to no end about the same subject each time and it really wasn't even that Jude wouldn't do what she wanted.
It was that he felt he couldn't. From the moment they became a couple, both of them knew that their relationship was one that would be questioned by
many, but never by the one person whose opinion actually mattered in who she dated. Jude was never questioned by her father. And no, he had no idea
that the two of them were dating, but the fact that he was more than okay with the two of them "hanging out" made her question whether or not keeping
their relationship secret was even necessary. But she'd played it safe for almost 6 months. Six months and they were still a secret on the Shore...She
just wasn't sure it had to be that way anymore...
But Jude did. He didn't want to take any chances with what Keahi might do, or worse, what he would let Nui do. Kaili knew how Nui felt about she and
Jude being "just friends"; she couldn't deny that he might actually lose it if he ever found out that they were more. But she wanted to tell him
almost everyday. His harassment hadn't stopped and in front of Jude he was worse than ever because, somehow, deep down, Kaili was sure Nui already
knew. It was only a matter of time before he was able to prove it. Why he didn't understand that that still wouldn't get him what he wanted?
The Gods only knew. What she wanted, for she and Jude, was simple.
She sighed as he reprimanded her, her eyes rolling as she turned the knob again putting a small crack in the door again before stepping away. "Jude-,"
she began moving further into her room so she couldn't be heard from the door, "I want you to be comfortable here." she said simply. This was her
home. If her boyfriend couldn't be comfortable in her home then something was wrong. She was completely at ease with him when they were on the other
side of the island; and yes, she knew that that wasn't necessarily his home, but like hell she would even be invited to his place, what with his uncle
hating her for no reason and all...She wanted that here. She wanted Jude to feel like he could relax here and if anything he only became more tense
when he crossed into the Shore.
"I just...babe, I just want you to be happy here. Like how things were that first day on Kai Pulehu..." That's when things were simple. That first day
they met and ran off to a place she'd known all her life and a place he couldn't wait to get to know...She missed it. These days, Jude was afraid to
ask if he could go to the bathroom, let alone what he could learn about the Shore. Sure, she still gave him history, it was his to have, but she could
feel the strain that keeping their relationship a secret was putting on him...She felt like she was the reason he was missing out and she didn't want
that. Not at all.
I'll let you put your hands on me in my skin-tight jeans;
be your teenage dream tonight.
The first day on Kai Pulehu. The day that fate threw Jude more than a middle finger and gave him the chance to do something other than ride
around the outskirts of the place that, had it not been for the absence of his parents and his uncle's unexplained hate for his own kind, would've
been his home. The Gods that Kaili talked about in her stories about the land she loved must have smiled on him. It was an amazing day. He
saw all of the things that his Uncle hadn't taken a second's thought in banning him from...and it was all because of Kaili. There wasn't any
irrational fear. Jude wasn't watching every movement he made, including the breaths he took, in hopes that he wasn't offending someone. It was
ignorance. But it was also temporary. The second his boots hit the black sand and he'd been seen with Kaili by Nui, he may not have known it at that
moment, but that was the end of the fairy tale that was the Shore. Sure, it had kept on being that for Kaili because...because she didn't feel the
stares that he felt every time someone saw them together. She didn't feel the sting of "death" on them. And she didn't hear the things that they
growled under their breath when he passed by. Sure, the words were in Hawaiian, but anger sounded the same in every language. And haole
sounded even more familiar when you heard it more than once.
"I know Kaili...I know." He said, exasperatedly as she walked back to him after his warning glare. Opening the door again was the best thing she
could've done for the both of them, whether she wanted to or not. And it wasn't going to make his discomfort any better. Actually, any breaking of the
rules made it worse for him. Why couldn't she get that? Probably because she was too busy hoping for the best when Jude knew the truth. If there was
anything he could thank his position of "outsider" and "blood traitor" did for him, it was keep him realistic. Not even the nod of approval from her
father changed the fact that if he stepped out of line, even just an inch, he was done for.
"I am comfortable..." Lie. "...when we follow the rules, I breathe better." Truth. As long as they kept in line and on the side of "right", he'd be
fine.
"And I am happy here." A half truth. Jude was happy on the Shore. Since the moment Kaili had brought him to the side of the island that he'd dreamed
of and only heard about from people that'd heard the same rumors he had, he knew he was at home. Even though he knew nonacceptance played a part in
the discomfort he felt every time his bike crossed the invisible like that separated the Shore from the other side of the island, he knew this was
home. There wouldn't be any unhappiness when he was in this place. And there wasn't any unhappiness when he was with Kaili. She was the Shore for him.
Whenever he was with her...he was home.
"But you've got to realize...that the rules don't apply to you like they apply to me." Sitting up, he leaned against the frame of her bed, propping
his arms on his knees. "Come here..." He said in a whisper, his lips smiling softly at her. When she was in arms reach, he touched her hand, winding
his fingers between hers.
"One day, this will be different. Who I am won't matter anymore... and we can just...be ourselves. Together. But today...isn't the day, babe. That
doesn't mean that I don't want to wait until it comes. So, we've got to be careful..."
Man has a choice and it's a choice that makes him a man...
He thought she didn't know? Ha. He thought Kaili had no idea that they were practically a trending topic among her people? Oh, she knew. Boy did she.
If Ailani wasn't telling her how completely insane it was for she and Jude to hang out together, you could bet her cousin took every chance he had to
tell her what a waste of time Jude supposedly was...not to mention how her time would be better spent with a "real man". Gah...Nui never got over
himself...but that was neither here nor there. The point was she knew a lot better than he did. Sure, he got stares and snide comments in Hawaiian
that he probably didn't even understand, but he was here for, what? a few hours out of the day? Kaili lived here. Every second of every day that she
wasn't roaming the halls of AJW like a pariah, she was here being treated like one in her home. There were few bold enough to say anything to her
face, but she knew when she was being talked about. Contrary to popular belief, she wasn't completely oblivious...she guessed she just...didn't care.
None of it meant anything to her because...well, what could they do but talk? Alemana had blessed this friendship himself and when he found out that
it was more than that, she honestly couldn't see him not doing the same for she and Jude's relationship. What did the rest of them matter? To be quite
honest, it wasn't much different from before Jude was in the picture. The only reason she was ever remotely a conversation topic was because of her
father or her brother. She basically meant nothing to the tribe then and none of her relationships had changed after. She still had the same friends,
boys still wouldn't look at her, and the girls that didn't care for her much still held their tongues if they knew what was good for them. Maybe Keahi
was talking to her less...a lot less...and that hurt a little, but she knew he still cared. He'd come around eventually; he just needed a little time.
In that time, she hoped he'd find it in his heart to not harass Jude every time he came over.
It was the cause of conversations like this one. Conversations where Kaili told Jude that all she wanted was his comfort and he had to lie to please
her. He was not at all comfortable and he wasn't fooling anybody. She sighed, her arms crossing over her chest as her features took on the skepticism
that she held for his false confession. ...When we follow the rules... Rules, rules, rules! She was tired of rules. Rules that meant nothing
on the other side of the island and should have meant even less here. But they didn't. They meant absolutely everything to Jude...But she guessed it
wasn't all bad. He said he was happy here and that she kind of believed. Despite the jerks, he smiled more on the Shore than he did at school or, she
assumed, anywhere else on the other side. He laughed even, and there was a way he would look at her when he got really into whatever 'lore she had to
tell him that made her just melt and...huh?
Kaili winced a little at his next words because they were true and she had no defense for them. The rules didn't apply to her like they did to him.
Hell, that didn't apply to her like they did to anyone. She was...different. She knew that. But it was just...she was only trying...He called to her
before she could come up with a good excuse for completely ignoring a super obvious fact and being an insensitive, selfish jerk. And that was fine,
because the way he was looking at her? With the smile that started in his eyes before hitting his lips? Yeah, she didn't have words anyway.
She took a few steps forward, her bottom lip tucked between her teeth in an attempt to hide the smile that was threatening to take over her whole
face. He reached for her, his fingers lacing their way between hers before she sat in front of him, her legs tucked under her as she listened. One
day things would be different...They just had to be patient...and careful. Careful...It was the word that lingered in her mind as
she leaned forward, her lips touching his for just a second before she pulled back a little; only to lean in again, taking his lips another time
before she stopped herself. "I'm sorry-," she said, the smile on her face speaking volumes against her apology. "About that...and missing the obvious.
You're right." With that she took her hand back, her smile never faltering as she moved away from him and back to her history book, taking the same
position she'd had before this started.
"You know, maybe our study sessions wouldn't be so tense if we did them at your place-," she didn't look up from her book when she suggested it, but
she could feel the look on his face fall at her suggestion. What?
I'll let you put your hands on me in my skin-tight jeans;
be your teenage dream tonight.
No matter the softness of his voice, the firmness of his grasp, not even the sincerity in his eyes...Jude couldn't stop the uneasy feeling in his
stomach as he spoke. He hated speaking to her that way. He hated bringing a reality into Kaili's world that she had been protected from for so long.
She didn't know what it meant to be a descendant of the Shore and to still be treated like the deserter. That was what the Mokus saw Jude as...it was
how they saw his uncle. Office 'Iole. Officer Rat. It didn't take long for Jude to figure out what the whispered name meant. Kaili's
impromptu Hawaiian lessons had helped him do that. They hated him. The people of the Shore hated his Uncle. Mauli left the land that he'd
once called his home and then, to add insult to injury to the people that probably knew him better than anyone...his own family...he returned to the
side of the island, like some vigilante with the law in his hand. The Shore was lawless. It didn't take Jude long to figure that out. The only law was
in the hands of guys like Kaili's father...and not "traitors" like his Uncle. And not "outsiders" like himself. He and his Uncle's position on that
island meant nothing the Mokus. Mauli didn't care...but Jude? To Jude, what they thought...how the men treated him...it meant everything.
And Kaili would never understand the way Jude thought and felt. She didn't have to. She shouldn't have had to, honestly, because it was ugly. Harsh
reality Jude guessed. The fairy tale that Kaili was building in her head about she and Jude was just that. A fairytale. Jude had his doubts. Doubts
that the way that anyone that wasn't Kaili (and oddly Alemana) would see past the lightness of his skin...the ignorance of his tongue...and the lost
look in his eyes anytime anyone mentioned the things of a people whose blood ran warm through his veins. The truth that Jude was beginning to see was
that no one was as innocent as Kaili. No one could see the beauty and the acceptance that she did in him. Not even Alemana. The look Kaili's father
gave Jude was...different and as unreadable as it was at times...it still didn't speak with the absence of judgement that hers did. And there was no
way that Jude liked killing the flare of hope that he saw whenever she looked at him.
"Dont apologize." Jude whispered to her she sat on her knees in front of him, their fingers still joined. He smiled softly as she admitted, with that
apology, that he was right and that even in her fairy tale, she was still thinking. She was still trying to do the best for them...even if "doing the
best for them" was rooted in a future that was basically impossible. Even if was a sweet dream, Jude had a hard time believing it. Him, accepted.
Her...free to love him. Him...free to finally be fearless...not just in returning his feelings for her...but to love her too. It sounded nice. But the
reality of it was a lot less "nicer" than he really wanted to admit. Staring back at her for the quick moment that their eyes connected, his smile
began to fade as he saw the familiar shift of her eyes. The lift of the corner of lips. The smile that went all the way to her eyes as she leaned
forward, her lips meeting his. Against his better thought, his chin lifted to her, returning the soft peck...his hand moving to her wrist as he pushed
them apart and surprisingly, felt her body pushing away as well. You're right... Jude had to admit, her white flag of surrender surprised
him. Usually it took so much more to convince Kaili of precaution on the Shore. But that evening, she was letting go...a little bit more easily than
she usually did. And oddly, instead of that fact making Jude more relaxed, it set him a little on edge.
And there it was. The exact statement he'd been waiting for. A sentence containing the words "your" and "place", also known as the two words
that he never wanted to hear come out of Kaili's mouth. What had been left of the smile he'd worn on his face wiped completely away, a pained look
spreading over his face, furrowing his thick eyebrows and hardening his jaw.
"We...what?" Great. This again. "Why would we do that?"
Man has a choice and it's a choice that makes him a man...
He was so tense. Everything about him was all locked up when he was on the Shore and she hated that. And she hated more that a lot of it was her
fault. Kaili took what Jude thought were "unnecessary risks" with their relationship on the Shore, but she couldn't help it! She liked Jude. She liked
him a lot and with all of the time they spent together, it was getting harder and harder to pretend their relationship didn't extend beyond
friendship. Part of her wanted people to know. Not for any particular reason except that she was...she didn't know...proud of Jude. He didn't
let Keahi bully him into not having what he wanted, he took Nui's shit like a champ. Jude was his own person and that was something Kaili loved about
him. Unlike her, he didn't let anyone else dictate his life.
So yeah, she wanted people to know about them. But if she couldn't have that she at least wanted to make it a little easier for them not to be seen
together. Things were always easier for them, relationship wise, on the other side. Sure, they both suffered through days at AJW, but they at least
got through those as a couple. Here Kaili was only able to stick by him to a certain extent so not to make things completely obvious. What was so
wrong with spending an afternoon at his place every once in a while? OH PLENTY. And she knew it. First and most obvious; her brother would have a fit
and her father, a heart attack. Spending time at some foreign boy's house doing the Gods knew what? Nope. Secondly, she was pretty sure his uncle
wasn't home after school which is why he was able to come with her to the Shore almost daily. Them alone in a place, while heaven to her, would be
hell for the other men in her life should they find out...but that didn't stop her from asking him...and getting just the response she was expecting.
Why would we do that?
Sitting up once again she turned back around to face him as she tried to choose her words extremely carefully, "Well, babe, we're just...always here."
Kaili paused, thinking about how that might have sounded before trying again to explain, "I mean, don't get me wrong, I know you love the Shore as
much as I do, but...you don't want a little break from this for us?" There. That made sense...kind of. Their relationship could breathe when they
weren't under the watchful eye of Keahi and the rest of the tribe and they wouldn't be under that kind of pressure if they were off the Shore.
They could try right? Maybe not necessarily at his place but...a date? Some time together where she didn't have to explain where they were going and
the history behind it?
I'll let you put your hands on me in my skin-tight jeans;
be your teenage dream tonight.
And what sort of crazy suggestion was that? Leaving the Shore for the other side of the island for "a break"? That didn't make sense to Jude. And not
because he didn't get the appeal of "the other side" for Kaili. For her, stepping off of the Shore and heading to his side was a way, the only way,
they could take a break from pretending. They could hold hands and walk down a hall without someone's lip curling at the sight of them. Kaili could
smile at something he'd said or a joke he'd made without wondering if someone was watching them and accuse her of flirting with a haole. And
he could...he could touch her. He could lean in for a kiss without darting his eyes left and right, hoping that when he opened them and drew back from
the quick kiss they'd shared, he wouldn't be staring right into the eyes of one of her brothers or Alemana. Things were...easier...off of the Shore.
For her at least. But for Jude, neither place was a lesser evil. And he used that term loosely. Sure, he loved the Shore. He loved the history there
and the belonging he felt whenever he saw a pair of eyes that were shaped like his or a story that reminded him of his ancestry. And even the other
side, where he lived, had its perks. The freedom to be with Kaili being one of those pluses. But either place, on the Shore or off the Shore, shared
one constant...Unc Li'. He was everywhere for Jude and no place was free of him...except Kaili's house. Alemana had never truly said it, but
Jude knew that even though he'd accepted an outsider like Jude into his home, he would not be so lenient to...deserters. And that meant that
his uncle would probably never see or know of Jude's rebellious rides back and forth to the Shore. But the closer he and Kaili got to his side of the
island, the better the chance of running into Mauli.
"Of course we're always here..." Jude rebutted, scratching the crown of his head in exasperation, the feeling of the conversation that was beginning
making him more uncomfortable than the first one had. "And I just don't see how that's a bad thing." Of course he didn't. Being here, with the lack of
touch, meant that he didn't have to be in the cold, cluttered apartment that he shared with his uncle. It meant that he could be with Kaili in a place
where she was safe and wanted and...there was love there. Her mother made Mahi Mahi every time he came over, probably because Jude'd said that he
liked the way she made it once before. The only dinner that would've greeted Kaili would've been his Unc's take out from the night before. And then,
there was the small problem of...Mauli telling him to never see her again...and Jude blatantly defying him, like he usually did. But there was
something different about his uncle's voice when he spoke of Kaili and when he instructed Jude to "stay away from her". Something told Jude that if
Mauli found out they were together or much less, that they were even seeing each other, Jude wasn't so sure it would go over as easy as the rest of
his rebellion.
"School isn't a break? We spend all day with each other. We're totally free there...that's not enough?" Jude was getting flustered. His voice was two
pitches higher than it normally was and...and it wasn't Kaili's fault. He understood what she wanted. She wanted to be normal. She wanted to be one of
those couples that held hands out in the open and went on dates. She wanted movie nights, not study groups. He got it, he just didn't like what giving
her what she wanted meant.
Man has a choice and it's a choice that makes him a man...
She wasn't making sense...or he just didn't get it. Or maybe a little of both. Kaili knew Jude had no desire to leave the Shore. Even when their time
together was up and night fell, he took his time leaving her place and was probably even slower to leave the Shore altogether. Kaili knew how deep his
love for the Shore ran, it was one of the things she liked about him...most of the time. Times like these though...she hated it. Jude didn't
understand. He got to go home every night. He hadn't spent every second of everyday on her side of the island, in this house, in this room. Kaili had.
Bringing Jude in was fun, but there were times when she just wanted to get out. She had nothing against the Shore, but being at home got
boring. Especially seeing as they barely went out on this side anymore, what with his uncle banning him from her and the Shore. So if they couldn't go
out here and he wouldn't go out there, what was she to do? Suffer she guessed, as Jude scratched his head, his lips twisting to the side slightly, the
way they always did when they got to a subject that made him uncomfortable. Why couldn't he understand?
"Jude, it's not a bad thing, that's not what I'm saying. It's just...I live here... I'm sorry, but in the past six months, I've spent more
time at home than I have in the last 4 years." She was never home! Before Jude, even if there was nothing to do she wasn't doing nothing in
this house. She was Ailani's or she was at the gym, or...somewhere that was not 5 Plantation Village. She didn't want to be harsh but she was getting
a little stir crazy. "Do you see what I'm saying, Jude? I just need space from this place..." He responded rather quickly, his voice panicked and
saying...saying all the wrong things! That's not enough? Her face immediately twisted into the hurt confusion that now sat in the pit of her
stomach. What the hell did that mean? Her eyes narrowed, never leaving his as she thought about asking...but she wouldn't. Forget it.
"You know what Jude, nevermind." She turned away from him then, going back to her textbook but not reading it. She couldn't. Not now.
I'll let you put your hands on me in my skin-tight jeans;
be your teenage dream tonight.
He got it. Jude got it everything that Kaili was trying to say to him. But his fear, he had to admit, made him ignorant. He was necessarily afraid of
his uncle. Jude respected the guy...as much as his rebellion allowed him to. His Unc' Li was pretty much the only "father" that he'd known. He'd
dropped everything after the death of Jude's parents and assumed the responsibility without any questions...and as far as Jude could tell, without any
hesitations. Mauli had always kept him fed and a roof over his head. And that alone deserved the respect that Jude tried to give the man. But he
wasn't afraid of Mauli...he was afraid of what he could do when it came to the one thing that truly felt like "family". The first thing in his life
that made him feel like he belonged somewhere besides with the only other Moku that he'd ever known. If and when his uncle found out about his trips
to South Shore and his time with Kaili, all of it would come to an end. For real this time. And Jude hated chancing that. Especially now that things
were...deeper with Kaili. They weren't just "friends" like they'd been when Mauli had caught them together the first time. They were closer. She was
his girlfriend now. And loosing her for a night without the Shore wasn't worth it. Not to Jude.
Obviously, Kaili couldn't see that...and it wasn't her fault because she didn't know. She didn't see the look in Mauli's eyes whenever anyone
mentioned the Shore. There was a lot of...resentment there. And anger. And for someone who worked so hard to defend the Shore and protect the land,
Mauli seemed like the memories from that place should have kept him away from that place for the rest of his life. Instead, he went to the Shore,
almost every day. Keeping visitors off land that wasn't safe for them and...sometimes...Jude felt like Mauli was protecting the foreigners, not the
Shore, not the hallowed ground of the Shore.
Either way, Kaili wouldn't understand because there was no desire inside of him to tell her that his uncle...had issues with the land that he
protected. It was obvious that she and her people didn't like Mauli and telling her that would only add fuel to the fire...or worse and as much as
Jude didn't agree with some of the things his uncle did or believed about the Shore, he wouldn't jeopardize his work. Jude would just...have to find
another way. Another way to keep Kaili happy and another way to keep his uncle clueless...
And it seemed the day of finding "another way" were quickly approaching. "Kaili..." Jude whispered, silently praying that this didn't turn out to be
one of those couple spats that got loud enough to hear through the door. Not like they'd had one before, but...dammit. He really didn't want to fight
with her.
"Don't do this, Kaili. You know if I could just...take you out, I would! Things are...complicated. You know that."
Man has a choice and it's a choice that makes him a man...
Did he? Did he get it? If she had to be honest, most of the time, Kaili was sure the only things Jude got about being with her were the rules
set by her father and her brother. The things that told him what not to do, even if she told him otherwise. She couldn't keep doing this with him! She
couldn't keep...trying to work around it all. It was driving her crazy. They needed some type of compromise. Something where Jude felt like he
wouldn't be killed for looking at her the way he did when they were away from South Shore. She missed him when they were here. And yes, that was
probably crazy because she still had him. Jude was still around, but he wasn't her boyfriend here. And she missed that! Did it make her selfish,
missing the closeness that they couldn't share when he was here? With the way things were they weren't even really friends, given that Jude kept an
arm's length distance between them and talking to a bare minimum. People in the Shore already treated her kind of like a pariah for choosing him. She
couldn't take it from Jude too. She couldn't. And he didn't get that.
So no. She didn't get why some time away from the Shore was too much to ask for. A movie, a trip to Surfside, a simple day at the beach was all she
really wanted from him. Time with Jude...apparently he felt like they got enough of that when they were enduring the torture that was AJW. Ugh. Her
history book full of lies, fables, and fairytales was looking a lot more interesting to her than continuing this conversation with Jude. This
conversation about how much of a burden she was...
But he wasn't dropping it, her name leaving his lips carefully, as if speaking too loud would push her over the edge of anger. He was right. She
sighed, her eyes rolling a little as he kept talking, asking her not to "do this" and telling her how complicated things were for them. She looked
over her shoulder at him, her eyes narrowed as she thought about whether they were really doing this, they were actually having their first fight.
"Jude, seriously. Stop-," She turned to face him full on as her words continued. "I get it. I'm a job. A chore. A quota you fill to get your weekly
allowance of the Shore." She meant to end things there but the words kept coming before she could stop them, "You know you don't have to do it. I'd be
telling you the same stories if we weren't together, Jude."
I'll let you put your hands on me in my skin-tight jeans;
be your teenage dream tonight.
And maybe, just maybe..."complicated" wasn't the word to use. But that didn't change the fact that that's what things were for Kaili and
Jude. For the BOTH of them. That was what Jude was thinking about when he refused her wishes for time away from the Shore. Why couldn't Kaili see
that? That even if things weren't perfect, even though a landform could fit in the space he and Kaili were forced to use to distance themselves when
they were in her home, even though they were something less than friends when they were together on the Shore...they were together. That
wasn't enough for her, though. And he couldn't see why. All he could see was the anger and the frustration...and the hurt. All of it was so unfair. No
matter how he tried to keep things together, they just...seemed to want to fall apart.
That was what worried him. How a date on his side of the island seemed like the end. Like the Armageddon of the secret relationship that he and Kaili
shared. Maybe it was because he knew. Jude knew that it just took one fuck up and they were done. One run in with his uncle, one rumor finally making
its way back to the Shore and right to Alemana or Keahi's ears, one...mistake...and they were over. Their situation would be worse. Exposed and just
as forbidden as it was now. And Jude wasn't ready...to lose her. He wasn't ready to chance what they had...for a date. He knew what the date meant to
her. It meant freedom from the rules that drove her life...and his, when he was on the Shore with her. It meant no prying eyes, wondering about Kaili
and "the outsider". And it meant no using school as the only moment they got to be who they truly were. Together. He got it...but it just didn't...it
just didn't weigh out. Not when the downside to giving her what she wanted meant losing her completely.
But he was losing her, wasn't he? Her words hit him, her accusations unreal. What was she talking about? The Shore...the stories? What the hell did
any of that have to do with him resisting against her and her idea about escaping the Shore?
"What?!" Jude exclaimed, his voice finally rising beyond a whisper. "What the hell are you talking about, Kaili?" Pausing, to erase the noisy
disbelief in his voice, he shook his head as he stared back at her, her eyes cutting into his. The stories? The lore? The history? The place where he
belonged. So, that was why he was with her now? For those reasons alone? Jude couldn't believe he was hearing her say those things, much less the fact
that she actually thought them! How could she even think that the history lessons she'd given him when they'd first met were the reasons why he
stayed?
"You and I both know that's not true." He hissed. His hand grabbed out for her hand, which she snatched away from him. "Kaili. I love the Shore. I
love it here...but...that has nothing to do with us." Again, he reached out for her, his hand holding on to hers even as she tried to pull away.
"My trips her stopped being about the history lessons...a long time ago." He said, his gaze meeting hers. His eyes stayed on hers as his hand moved
from hers...to her arm...to her shoulder, pulling her toward him.
"It's not...about the Shore. It's about you. I don't..." His voice faltered for a moment, his eyes falling from hers. "I don't want to lose you. I
don't want to lose you because I...because I wasn't careful with you. With us. But I'm still...losing you. Aren't I?" A soft smile crossed his lips
before he leaned in and pressed them against her forehead. The door went forgotten as his kiss left her forehead and pressed against her lips.
Man has a choice and it's a choice that makes him a man...
It wasn't that things were complicated. She knew that things were complicated! Sometimes, though, complicated grew as unimportant as she wished her
brother's opinion of their relationship was. Today complicated wasn't good enough. It wasn't reason enough for the two of them to...quit. She
was curious, what did Jude think would happen when summer came? When the guise of study groups and upcoming test couldn't be used for their time
together...Would they just take a three month break and get back to things when school started back up? They couldn't hide like this forever; that was
all she was trying to tell him. Yes, careful. Yea, complicated. She understood, but at the present moment...she didn't care. And there had to come a
point when he didn't either.
It felt like they had the same conversation over and over and she hated that. She hated that she started varying degrees of the same fight whenever
they were together...of course it had never been this bad. She certainly hadn't meant to imply that things would be the same...that she would
be the same if they broke up. She wouldn't. She liked Jude. She did. And this short spat wasn't doing anything to change that she was just...she was
frustrated and...and tired. Tired of doing all of this extra stuff because things were unnecessarily complicated. She jumped a little as he finally
reacted. His voice grew above his usual whisper, even a curse as he questioned her. Good. That was something. SOmething that told her he
cared a little bit because if she was being honest--and with the things she'd just accused him of she was being brutally honest--when they
were here, she got the impression that he didn't.
You and I both know that's not true. Did they? She snatched away as his hand grabbed hers, pulling into her own space. She couldn't deny that
she'd questioned it before. Why he stayed with her...Lore was what had drawn him to her in the first place. She was his ticket into a place that was
for the most part "Locals Only"; his window into a lot of the things the Shore hid from those who weren't from here. A means to an end...but could she
really say and honestly believe, that was the only reason he was with her?
No. She didn't really believe that, but she would admit it was sometimes how she felt. So even as she kept up her resistance, his sweet words meeting
her ears weakened her like they always did. The Shore had nothing to do with them. His trips weren't about the history lessons. She sighed, her eyes
closing to the sound of his voice as she allowed his hand to trail up her arm, opening them again as he pulled her closer. She knew what she was
asking. Kaili knew there was a risk in her request, but she saw it necessary. She knew what them being found out meant and no, she didn't want to lose
him...apparently the feeling was mutual.
As he smiled, Kaili felt her lips pull at the corners as well. He leaned in, his lips meeting her forehead and her smile grew, only to have to be
fought back as he kissed her. In her home. In the middle of the floor in her bedroom, Jude had kissed her and it felt...right. Natural. Like it was
something they were supposed to do right here in this very location...and it was. Despite what she'd suggested when their relationship started, there
shouldn't have been any difference that existed between them whether they were on the Shore or off of it. She couldn't take it anymore.
Kaili broke the kiss, her hand coming to cup Jude's face as her forehead rested against his. "Just a movie...or ice cream-," she pulled away then.
"Just a short hour of peace that I know we can't have here...Please?"
I'll let you put your hands on me in my skin-tight jeans;
be your teenage dream tonight.
A short hour. That was all Kaili was asking for. A little ice cream. A movie. A walk down the boardwalk. It was simple. But all the simplicity didn't
keep Jude's heart from thudding in his chest from the thought of it. From the thought of anything...something going wrong. When Jude looked into
Kaili's eyes, her hand cupping his cheek, her eyes so close...he couldn't see the fear he felt there. He only saw...the need she felt. The need to
just be with him...and to just be...them. No airs. No rules. Just them. All there was was her need. And even though Jude knew that Kaili knew the
risks, he saw none of them on her face when he looked at her. No fear. Just the need to be with him.
Why couldn't it be like that for him? Why were his only thoughts of the look on Alemana's face when he discovered what had been going on right in
front of his face? The sound in his Uncle's voice when he was banned again from the Shore and the girl that made the Shore more like "home" than
anywhere could ever be. And HE was supposed to be the rebellious one? Ha. Lately, next to Kaili, Jude looked tame. But when it came to her, the risk
wasn't worth it. Not worth losing her. Now, it felt like he'd lose her either way. Risk everything and lose her. Don't risk anything and lose her all
the same.
Looking at her hopeful smile as she pulled away from him, pleaded with him, he knew what to say. "Ok. Alright..." This was worth the risk. He knew it
now. Being at peace with her. Being alone with her. Making her happy. All of that was worth it. He wouldn't take chances with much when it came to
Kaili, but if it meant making her happy...making her look at him the way she looked at him in that moment...he'd do it.
"But..." He started, his hand going up as she made to argue. "But...we go where I say we go. Deal?" With a serious look that gave way to a smile, he
held out his hand to her to seal their deal.
Man has a choice and it's a choice that makes him a man...
She was keeping it as simple as humanly possible. She didn't want anything that involved 4-courses or a drawn out day away. She was only asking for a
reprieve. A couple of hours where they could have a few stolen moments together as they really were. A couple. Something they could only be when not
under the watchful and, bluntly put, nosey eye of anyone that knew her name on the Shore. She wanted him to be comfortable. She wanted him to
be happy. She wanted him to be himself. That was something he never was when they were here and she missed him when he was away. That made
sense to him right? She wanted it to.
What she really wanted to ask him for was to let go. Stop thinking about Keahi, and her father, and all of the other people here who made them
impossible and just...be possible. Kaili was sure that if her father were eased into the idea of she and Jude things would be fine. That he would be
cool with it, or at least come around eventually. If anyone had told her a year ago this would be her life; that she would be seriously involved with
a kid not from the Shore that her father was not completely against, she would have laughed. Hard. For a while. But this was not a year ago and she
and Jude were six months in and she was tired of hiding him. Tired of making him not himself whenever he came here. He could understand that,
right?
He could. She knew it to be true when he finally gave in a soft "okay"
leaving his lips and putting an ear-to-ear smile on her face. She pulled back completely then her hands clapping over her mouth to stop a squealing
sound that she let escape her. Then came a "but". She knew there would be "but"s, but that was okay. He'd said yes. He'd said yes and they were
finally doing something that didn't revolve around the Shore. She moved to thank him, all too soon as his "but" was long forgotten. He stopped her,
finishing his thought.
"Deal!" She'd probably replied too quickly and, more than that, more excited than was deemed cool by most. but she would have agreed to anything.
Anything for her time with Jude.
I'll let you put your hands on me in my skin-tight jeans;
be your teenage dream tonight.
![[*]](images/davis/default_icon.gif){kind=icon}
