12:34 When the numbers lined up like that, it had to be lucky. Somewhere, something special happened when the time was sequential. An angel
got its wings? The constellations lined up? A unspoken wish was granted? Not exactly. More like Carter Nixon had gym during her lunch period. Well,
HAD gym period as he'd graduated the year before. Watching him run up and down the court with some of his friends (totally oblivious of her sitting in
the stands) had been the highlight of her year...and had probably gotten her the title of "weirdo creeper" from some of the kids he played with. Guess
old habits died hard as Carter was studying at Kapuhai Reef University and she was here...reminiscing and watching not nearly talented underclassmen
shoot hoops. Creeper status reactivated. Speaking of Carter... where the hell WAS Devyn? She'd definitely told Miyu that she'd meet her here
for lunch since the Kidd had a mandatory study group...since his ass was still flunking his English Lit class. How the hell did he flunk English when
he spoke the language? Things Miyu would never understand...
Either way, Devyn was supposed to be there and she wasn't...and this time, Koi wasn't the reason why. Lately, he had been. They'd been inseparable
ever since Valentine's Day. And since Koi's mother's Gala, they'd REALLY been up each other's asses. It was almost, dare Miyu say it? A relationship?
Ha. Both parties involved would have given her the world's worst stink eye if they'd heard her thoughts. Because Koi Kidd didn't "DO" relationships.
And Devyn basically let him get away with that shit. All of the things they did together...including the things that Miyu was supposed to know about
and she played like she didn't? Koi was living a damn dream. And Devyn was selling it to him. And she was too good for that. Life as Koi Kidd's
glorified "glory hole"? Right. But that was just Miyu's opinion and as far as anyone was concerned, that didn't matter for shi-
Miyu shook her head at herself as she took a bite out of her celery stick, throwing it back into the Tupperware container she'd taken it out of. What
was she doing? Another lunch period remembering her past gawking at Carter Nixon. She was spending this year just like she'd spent last year. Hoping
that one day, he'd look up in the stands, see her and finally...SEE HER. But that was hopeless now. He was gone and she was still...wishing.
Pointless wishes. Scoffing at herself, she tucked the container back into her bag and started getting her things together. She'd been enough of a creeper for one day...
it's the wantin' you, never gettin' you keeps me wantin' you... 強迫観念
She was so fucking behind! She had been kind of off for the past few days and she wouldn’t allow herself to really think of why...she didn’t have
time to really. Devyn had so much on her plate. The volleyball team had their stupid annual date auction thing coming up and she had like 4 papers due
and Athena was all over her about college now that she’d gotten her SAT scores back. It was too much. And now, she’d promised Miyu she’d meet
her in the gym to catch up (they hadn’t really seen much of one another with Miyu doing her prodigy thing and Dev basically attached to Koi) but she
was late for that too. In her defense, she’d been getting some much needed extra help with her math homework and it just went a little long. Fuck
she hated making people wait.
Devyn entered the gym just as she spotted her bestie taking a bite of her lunch and thinking up her next masterpiece...or maybe daydreaming about her
one true love Carter Nixon. Dev smiled at the thought, trying to think of the perfect one-liner to tease her. With Carter at KRU poor Miyu barely saw
her crush anymore. Especially with Devyn not inviting her over as much...Dev lost her train of thought as she noticed Miyu packing up to leave. “I
know you’re not thinking of standing me up-,” Devyn kind of yelled it as she was still a ways away but she picked up her pace covering the
distance pretty quickly. “I’m so sorry Mi, I got caught up.” Devyn leaned down for a hug, putting her bag down as she took a seat beside a
friend she’d turned into a stranger as of late. She had to do better.
“So what’s up babe?”
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
I know you're not thinking of standing me up- Looking up from stuffing the container of lettuce wraps that Miriam had made for her last night
into her bag, Miyu smirked as she heard Devyn's voice announcing her own presence...granted a little loudly. Miyu gave a little wave as she took her
seat on the bleachers again. Devyn made her way up the bleachers and sat beside her, a hug and an apology as her greeting. Miyu couldn't help but
receive both, even if her status as "creep" was increasing more and more as she sat there alone and waiting. No hard feelings...especially as no one
had really noticed Miyu in the first place. No one important, that is... But that was the way it was now...Carter was gone, but the thirst
was still very alive. And thanks to their lives barely including each other these days, only the "thirst" remained as Miyu hadn't seen Carter in
weeks. That wasn't nearly as important as having not talked to her best friend in almost the exact same length of time.
"It's okay. Really." Miyu gave a quick smile as she looked back to her bag and focused on unpacking everything that she'd just put into it. Guess
lunch on the bleachers was back on.
"Nothing much." That wasn't really true. In the time that she hadn't spoken to her best friend, things had happened. Uneventful things. But things.
She'd started finished working on her senior portfolio as it was time to start shopping it around to schools that would be interested. She'd gotten a
new tutor to help her with the new demands on her schedule. And...okay, so nothing really had changed. She was still obsessed with her violin and
boring. Devyn had always been what made her life seem more eventful. The parties, the shopping and gossiping after school and even the exhausting
conversations about the Kidd. She missed it all. Nothing else seemed to be important when her best friend wasn't around. And being that this was their
senior year, absences like the one they'd just had weren't the best idea.
"What's been up with you?" She asked, although she already knew the answer. "Fifty bucks that your answer has something to do with Koi..." Laughing
she cracked the seal on her water and took a quick swig.
it's the wantin' you, never gettin' you keeps me wantin' you... 強迫観念
Dev sighed a little as Miyu gave a very non-descript answer to her question. Nothing much? She needed details. Being semi-MIA for as long as
she had required details. Despite the things she told her aunt, she hadn’t actually slept over Miyu’s in at least a month. A lot could happen in
that time...according to Miyu though, it hadn’t. “Come on, you have to have done something. I know you haven’t seen a lot of Carter lately, but
surely your whole life didn’t stop.” Devyn giggled a little her shoulder nudging her friend as she teased her. “How’s the portfolio
coming?”
Devyn’s attention was divided as Miyu began to answer and her phone chimed signaling a text. She nodded a little at Miyu to let her know she was
still listening as she reached into the side pocket of her tote. Another text from Koi. It was the third time in the last hour he’d texted her and she had yet to reply. Not that she was mad at him or
anything, she just...didn’t know. She had so much going on already and she knew talking to the kid would only add to it right now...especially
because talking to him would mean bringing up the reason she had been so obviously avoiding him for the past week.
Tossing her phone to her lap, she looked up just as Miyu fired her own question back at her. What’s up with her? Hell, everything. Then again she
was probably just being dramatic. It was senior year. She was supposed to be busy right? She had...Koi? Oh she was so funny…
“Excuse me, my world does not revolve around Koi Kidd, thank you very much-,” she laughed a little with Miyu because they both knew she was lying
just a little. “I really haven’t even seen him much lately. Got the date auction coming up and Athena has me sifting through colleges.” She
rolled her eyes a little at the thought. “I’ve been stressing a little but it’s nothing.” Devyn waved her hand dismissively, hoping that if
she told herself that enough, it really would be nothing.
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
Wow. Two seconds into sitting down and getting settled and a quip about Carter Nixon had left his lovely cousin's sarcastic, yet comical
mouth. Devyn had broken her own record. Feigning laughter, Miyu continued to unpack her bag. She knew the teasing from Devyn was all in fun,
but it was sadly true. And that made it sting more. Graduation had been the cruelest thing for Miyu's long lasting and admittedly stupid crush. Well,
that and Koi working whatever voodoo he'd been working over Devyn as of late. No crush to pine over during her senior year and now no best friend?
That, sadly, was the formula for a shitty couple of months. The only thing Miyu had left was her music and her school work...which Miriam and Ren
couldn't stop being happy about. But...Miyu missed it. "It" meaning everything. Not just seeing Carter. But seeing him over Devyn's Aunt's place and
then getting teased by Devyn because of the five shades of red her hot, flushed face turned whenever Carter came around. It was kind of sad, though.
That her entire life was wrapped up in Devyn? Miyu smirked at the thought...because she didn't care. Devyn was and would always be her only real girl
friend at King's. They shared everything, talked about everything and when Koi wasn't around, DID everything together. And if that meant having no
life outside of that...she'd take it.
Miyu shrugged at Devyn's question about her nearly finished portfolio and prepared herself to give a half answer that matched the one she'd given
about life...and Devyn's text signal went off. Quickly she closed her mouth, a smirk on her face as she pulled her lettuce wraps into her lap and
nibbled on one. Miyu didn't need to see the screen of Devyn's phone to know who THAT was...making her assumption correct. Devyn's time had been
Koi-filled, per usual. Nothing to be ashamed of. The truth would set her free.
"Whatever..." She muttered dismissively as Devyn laughed. She could keep denying the Kidd filling up her schedule all she wanted, but Miyu knew the
truth. And apparently, she and Dhonny were the only ones that would admit the truth these days! Devyn and Koi were full on relationship...without the
title, that is and everyone saw it except for the two people that were IN IT. But Miyu (unlike Dhonny) wasn't one to push. The two would see it in
their own time...and stop torturing their best friends with the existence of their nonexistent relationship.
"Busy, busy..." Another simple answer as she took a bigger bite of her food and wiped her mouth with her napkin.
"...and obviously lying. You've got Kidd all over you, hussy. That bounce in your step tells that story. But if you don't want to give me the juicy
details..." With another shrug, she laughed softly before sticking the entire wrap in her mouth, a smug smile on her face.
"You could at least tell me how Carter's doing..."
it's the wantin' you, never gettin' you keeps me wantin' you... 強迫観念
She’d missed Miyu. What with the two of them being damn near inseparable junior year, it was weird to spend so much time without her. It was a void
Dev hadn’t noticed though because she was letting Koi fill all of her time...and other things. She needed more balance. Maybe her current radio
silence and avoidance was a good thing. For both of them. Not that she wasn’t talking to him at all! She answered when he called...mostly. Sure, she
came up with some excuse not to see him and then rushed him off the phone, but at least she was still talking...ugh. She had to get this shit off her
chest before she exploded. Maybe she should just talk to Koi about it...Maybe he...she didn’t even know.
Right now she had a great distraction in Miyu and she wasn’t really trying to think about Koi...Of course that didn’t stop Miyu from pointing out
that it was usually about Koi for her. Like she’d said though, not lately. But that was apparently a fact that went disproven by the “bounce” in
her step. Details? There were no details. Devyn and Koi were friends and that was it...well maybe not all of it, but most of it.
“There are no details, Mi-,” the smile on her face told a completely different story, but it was always like that when she talked about her
relationship with the kid. “We’re just friends that happen to spend a lot of time together. Friends do that.” Not that she had proven that to
Miyu. She really needed to make that time up with her. She was about to ask her to stay over for the weekend; Carter would be home for Athena’s
birthday and when she wasn’t drooling over him they could really catch up...Speaking of Carter…
“He’s good. You know him, books, ball. He’s off somewhere being drug free I’m sure. Athena’s birthday is coming up so we’ve been planning
a dinner. Come. Stay the weekend-,” Devyn looped her arm into Miyu’s her body leaning playfully into hers, “Carter will be there and you can
make things bearable for me with Deputy Headmaster Johnson? Please come. I miss you.”
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
No details? Oh, Miyu was calling some major bullshit. Of course there were details. But Devyn being the secretive heifer she was attempting to be with
Koi kept denying them. Miyu couldn't help but roll her eyes at the denial act that her friends kept putting up. As if it wasn't completely obvious
what was going on between Koi and Devyn. When you disappeared with your "best friend" after every party, basketball or volleyball game, and class...it
could only mean one thing. And that "one thing" definitely wasn't manicures and tickle parties. If she and Koi wanted to keep up the charade, they
could. It was theirs to keep. But time was running out on Miyu's "blindness" and Dhonny's silence.
"Sure they do." Miyu said between chews, her all-knowing smirk becoming a permanent facet on her face. Devyn could talk on and on about the friendship
that wasn't, but the truth was as obvious as the lack of calories in her lunch. Looking back to the court, she sat for a moment in their short
silence. The details of the Koi/Devyn saga weren't the most important thing, though. They could have a secret family for all Miyu cared. She was
honestly just happy to be sitting with Devyn, feeling like Junior year all over again. When they were as connected at the hip as she and Koi had been.
This was what made their friendship. No matter how much that hadn't seen each other, the second they were together again, everything went back to
normal.
"Good..." Miyu answered while Devyn told her about her cousin. Good. Please. Carter Nixon was never "good". He was always perfect, drug free
and playing basketball. And...and her aunt had a birthday? Oh. Some sort of family function...which Devyn knew that she totally did not DO.
"Devyn..." Miyu's warning voice sounded, stretching the end of Devyn's name...which she usually did when her best friend was about to talk her into
something she totally didn't want to do. She smiled as Devyn's arm looped through hers. Yep, she was about to get conned into something that...and
there it was. Carter was coming home and she could spend the weekend. Miyu sighed at the thought of being surrounded by family that she didn't
know. Family always made her nervous.
"Okay! Okay...only because you asked so nicely." What could she say? She missed her friend too. And if that meant spending the weekend with her...oh,
and her absolutely "perfect" cousin...it could be done.
"I'd follow you anywhere, lover." She teased, nuzzling the side of Devyn's face quickly before she broke out in laughter.
"Now stop holding out on me, skank." Pulling her arm from Devyn's hold, she reached for another lettuce wrap. "You've got secrets."
it's the wantin' you, never gettin' you keeps me wantin' you... 強迫観念
She hated Miyu and Dhonny for the exact look she was getting now. They always fucking knew everything, huh? Okay so maybe they were right in this one
instance. She and Koi were more than just friendly with one another and they had the occasional...okay, frequent fuck session. But that
didn’t mean they were anything more than what Koi wanted them to be. She was fine with “just friends”. “Just friends” worked for the two of
them. Despite what they felt like to her, she was willing to tell anyone that asked that Koi was her bestie and nothing beyond until he was ready to
step things up. He would eventually…
With senior year a few months from ending, there was no way she could know that but she felt it. Devyn knew in the pit of her stomach that Koi was
going to make them an official thing eventually. And she was willing to wait...for as long as she could anyway. She was hoping nothing would happen to
rush things along…
But it wasn’t going to be Dhonny that interviened; or Miyu for that matter. As luck would have it Miyu was easily distracted and Cater was her
catnip. Devyn allowed their conversation to take a happy turn as she asked her friend to keep her company for the weekend of her aunt’s birthday.
Dev knew she wasn’t into family affairs but it wasn’t going to be a big thing. Carter, Dev, a few of Athena’s friends from work and of course
her fucking boyfriend. She still hated that her aunt and Dr. Johnson were dating. And that they had been for so long. Did she know how hard
it was for Dev to skip a class with him basically tracking her every move, waiting to report back? Ugh. Yup. She needed Miyu this weekend.
And she was happy to oblige. Especially with the love of her life going to be there. Devyn laughed a little as she agreed to come, her hold becoming a
little tighter as she hugged her arm. She could always count on Miyu...Until she got like this. Devyn sighed a little as she pulled away from her
embrace and playfully demanded the details she’d asked for before. Of course. She rolled her eyes a little, stopping at her feet at the
mention of her “secrets” . She did have secrets. One of them bigger than she was willing to commit to right now. It had been driving her up a wall
for almost a week now. It was the reason she was keeping her distance from Koi. It was the one thing she knew had the potential to ruin them…
“I’m late, Mi.”
Well that got heavy fast.
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
Sometimes, the things that Miyu knew about Devyn weirded her out. Not in a "our periods are synchronous" kind of way. It was just...odd that Miyu had
someone in her life that she knew better than anyone. And she didn't "know" many people. Not even her parents as they were just an joined entity that
explained her birth, anyway. There wasn't really anyone that got that close or took the time to even...care, she guessed. But Devyn was a bit of an
exception. They were best friends. They'd gotten to know each other in such a quick time and now it was second nature. That was why it was so easy to
tell that Devyn was hiding something. Okay, so she'd been hiding something for the longest that was clearly obvious. Even some of their teachers knew
that there was something going on between "that disruptive Kidd boy" and Devyn. But, Miyu couldn't shake that there was something...else. Something
that she wasn't saying...which made her wonder what else was there outside of her and the Kidd's "supposed" extracurricular activities.
"Still waiting..." Miyu teased, her voice sing-songy as she waved her lettuce wrap in Devyn's face. The truth was Devyn didn't really have to say what
she was holding onto. Miyu and Devyn told each other everything...except the things they honestly wanted to keep to themselves. Miyu already knew that
whatever was going on between her and Koi was something she wanted to keep between just them. And she respected that, no matter how much she teased
and prodded for details that she never got. People had secrets. It was normal. Miyu knew that because...she had her own. Secrets that she didn't think
she'd ever feel okay with telling Devyn. Not because they weren't best friends. But because if she DID tell...she wasn't sure if they'd keep on being
what they were to each other. Some things just needed to stay...secret.
I'm late, Mi.
Excuse her? What did she just hear? Okay, so perhaps all secrets didn't need to stay secret. Late? As in "period not here"? As in "baby possibly
spawning in the depths of my lower uterus"? That kind of late? Well, it sure as fucking hell wasn't in regards to arrival to class or "a very
important date". Late. That word still had to register as the fact that her best friend had just said it in a context that NO high school senior
should EVER say it still had her blown. How the hell was she LATE? Late involved actually having sex and from the conversations THEY'D had, there had
BEEN no sex. For awhile. With anyone...doth Devyn persisted. Well, Miyu called "bullshit". Obviously. As Devyn. Was LATE.
"Okay..." Miyu's blank stare that she was sure had lasted longer than it should've broke, her hand putting down the lettuce wrap that never really
made it to her mouth. "So, let's just skip pretense...for a moment."
"It's safe to say that you've been fucking Koi, right?" Miyu said softly, without a stutter or pause. There was no need to pretend anymore. The truth
was on the table now. And it was getting more and more apparent that the truth was ugly. For reasons that were speeding through Miyu's head in
thoughts that she could barely fix into sentences...and emotions that she couldn't make sense of.
"And now...you're late." Nodding, she scoffed, looking at her best friend...her sister in disbelief. "Seriously Dev?"
it's the wantin' you, never gettin' you keeps me wantin' you... 強迫観念
Devyn had been sitting on it for so long it sounded foreign coming out of her mouth. She had thought it more than she wanted to admit in the past
couple weeks, but saying it was different. She was late. If asked when it happened, she wouldn’t hesitate to answer “date night”. The
night of Koi’s mother’s gala was something...different. It might have been left over guilt from Valentine’s Day, or maybe it was a celebration
of how well the night went, but she and Koi shared something special that night. Something special and completely unprotected. And she didn’t ask
him to pull out...and he didn’t. It wasn’t the first time it had happened, but most of the time they were reasonably careful...That night they
were anything but. It wasn’t an excuse, but they just got carried away.
And now she was here. Ignoring Koi and hoping that her best friend could provide the answers she couldn’t. She didn’t know what she would do. If
she was pregnant...she couldn’t even think it. She had no idea what to tell Koi and it was the reason she hadn’t really spoken to him in a week.
She couldn’t deal. She wasn’t dealing. She wasn’t sure why she’d decided to tell Miyu, but she could only guess it was because she knew she
could trust her with it…and she knew she wouldn’t leave…Of course that didn’t mean she wouldn’t be absolutely pissed. When Miyu ever stopped
at pretense Dev didn’t know, but she knew the shit was hitting the fan at the word “safe”.
“Yes.” her response came at a whisper. Part of her wanted to utter an apology. An apology for not telling her sooner. An apology for telling her
like this. She had been fucking Koi. For a while. A fact she definitely wanted to share more than once, but one that she felt she couldn’t because
of what she and Koi had. She couldn’t risk it! She didn’t want to risk anything when it came to Koi because she couldn’t lose him. She
couldn’t. Not after her mother. “Miyu, listen, I’m-” She cut her off, her tone something that Devyn had heard a few times before, but never
directed at her. Seriously, Dev?
She didn’t know what to say. She let a silence linger between them as Miyu stared at her and she stared anywhere but into the disappointment she
could FEEL Miyu staring at her with. She could try to explain but she was sure it wouldn’t make a difference. It certainly didn’t change the fact
that she was late.
“I haven’t told him yet...I’ve been avoiding him.” Devyn felt the tears starting to well up but she didn’t want them to fall. She knew if
she started she might never stop and this was neither the time nor place. “I’m scared, Mi.”
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
It felt like the entire world had crashed down on the room. Maybe not the entire room. Just them. Everything about the conversation that Miyu would
admit, she had never dreamed she'd be having with her best friend, had sucked the air out of the space where she and Devyn sat. The squeaks of tennis
shoes on the basketball court, the loud bouncing of the ball...even the laughs and shouts between the players was muddled. There was nothing but that
word...over and over again. Late. Ugh.
Devyn was a smart. Miyu had never had a doubt about the intelligence of her bestie mostly because Devyn had Miyu beat in the "book smarts" department
by a long shot. But this? The entire situation that Devyn might have found herself in? It was dumb. Completely dumb of her. Because there was no way
that she had found herself in this predicament with an asshole like Koi Kidd. Okay, so Miyu loved Koi...just like she loved Dhonny. She couldn't help
that they ran a close second to Devyn. But she knew her boys...especially Koi. Miyu wasn't like Devyn. She'd had the "joy" of knowing the
Kidd for awhile and one thing she could say about him? He was fucking consistent. He didn't start hating all things "relationship" when Devyn
arrived at King's Prep. It went deeper than Devyn, that was for damn sure. But that was something Devyn was choosing to learn herself, which she was
making painfully apparent as she admitted, in one simple and completely expected "yes" that she was sleeping with Koi and that she, in fact, had been
hiding the truth from two of her best friends. And now...? This. Pregnancy. Presumed or probable, she didn't know. And neither did Koi.
"You've got to tell him. That's move number one." Miyu said, matter of factly. She unscrewed the cap on her water bottle and took a long sip, hoping
that the pause would do what the silence didn't...quell the anger she couldn't help but feel at Devyn. God, she was so fucking...angry. She'd never
been this angry at Devyn. Not through the secret "relationship" she'd been having with Koi. Not with the time that they'd been missing together
because she'd been with Koi. But this? A possible pregnancy? And how the fuck did that happen?
"Were you even being careful, Dev?" Thoughts became words as Miyu blurted out a question that was probably too much information. She knew it. What
happened between Devyn and Koi was personal...well it would've been if Koi hadn't had what he and Devyn were having with half of fucking King's.
"God...I just. I don't get you." Close your mouth, Miyu. Her brain was telling her the right thing to do, but her anger had a hold of her
tongue.
"I thought I got you. But I don't. You're so...smart. You see shit in the Kid that most of these stupid bitches don't. But...here you are. Telling me
this." Miyu stared at her best friend unblinkingly.
"I just don't get you."
it's the wantin' you, never gettin' you keeps me wantin' you... 強迫観念
You’ve got to tell him. No. Ugh, no! She didn’t want to deal with this. Devyn sighed as she ran a hand over her face trying to
keep herself together. The mere thought of telling Koi what she’d just told Miyu made her sick to her stomach and here Miyu was stating the obvious
like it’d be the easiest thing in the world to do. Telling Koi she might be...no. No, she couldn’t do that. “I wouldn’t even know how to tell
him this Miyu…” Look at how telling Miyu had gone. Telling the kid would be a disaster. Devyn knew it and she wasn’t sure how Miyu didn’t see
that. Maybe because she was preoccupied with other thoughts.
Were they careful? Of course they were! Mostly...sometimes. Not at all the last time they were together. Dev sighed again, shaking her head in
response to her friend’s question. They weren’t careful. If Devyn was being honest with herself, they rarely ever were. Koi hadn’t offered to
wrap up that night and Devyn didn’t tell him to. They were just...in the moment. Shit happened. Not that she could say that to Miyu. God forbid she
ever open her mouth to say she hadn’t even thought about a condom the last time they fucked. Dev was already watching Miyu try to drown her
words with a bottle of water...she was trying to hold back...for now...Or not.
Dev felt her brows knit together as Miyu began talking again, saying she didn’t get her…She hated this. She hated the situation she was in, but
more than that she hated that she was making Miyu feel the way she did about it. She knew it would upset her. She had lied and she’d been MIA for
half of forever and now...this.
“Miyu, come on-,” Dev reached out for her hand only to have her pull it away before she could touch her. She winced a bit at what that felt like,
but it wasn’t about Dev right now.
“Mi, I made a mistake. And I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you about me and Koi. It’s just...things with us are...it’s just really
complicated.”
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
Complicated. Things with Koi usually were. Miyu could vouch for that in more ways than she really wanted to get into with Devyn. Ever. There
wasn't an "easy" when it came to being involved with Koi. That was obvious to Miyu when they met at a mutual friend's kickback freshman year. She'd
told him to "fuck off" in Japanese after a couple of his pick up lines fell flat and he smiled and told her, in English, "after you". From that
moment, it wasn't easy. It was easy when they talked about their shared Japanese heritage. Drinking and laughing with him was easy. Waking up with a
migraine and naked next to Koi in his bed wasn't. Being in ten feet of the Kid complicated everything, so that was something that Devyn didn't need to
explain to Miyu about that. The only thing that she needed to know was why she'd fallen for the same stupid shit that Miyu had and ended up in the
same place. Except...Miyu's heart wasn't on the line. It wasn't Miyu that had placed eveything in Koi. Devyn had put herself in the worst place with
Koi. A place she forgot everything and gave him everything.
"You did. You made a huge mistake Dev." Miyu agreed bitterly, her eyes looking away from Devyn. She almost couldn't understand why her words were so
cutting. This was her best friend, not some random dumb bitch that got herself "into trouble" with Koi. And maybe that was why are words were so
harsh. Because she loved Devyn. And she expected more out of her. And she wanted more FOR her. And Koi, no matter how perfect they were going to be
for each other when they stopped playing this shitty game of denial, wasn't the best thing. He was still...Koi. Hurt, angry, bad as shit Koi Kidd that
had more issues underneath that smooth tongue and slick smile than anyone really knew. This. Wasn't for Devyn. This wasn't right. And it was a shitty
situation that Devyn believed she had to stick around for it all. Because...she loved him. Devyn loved Koi Kidd. She gave him her heart. And
unfortunately, Koi Kidd wasn't going to give his back.
"You fell for him." She whispered, shaking her head at Devyn. "You're stupid for him because you fell for him." Truth. That was the truth. And whether
Devyn was ready to hear it, Miyu didn't care. Her best friend was sitting next to her, telling her that she was pregnant by a boy that made her think
it was fucking acceptable to make herself his personal fuck toy because he didn't "do" relationships. All because she loved him.
"That's why it's complicated. Because you love him...and you're letting him walk all over you because you do..."
it's the wantin' you, never gettin' you keeps me wantin' you... 強迫観念
She was so angry. She hadn’t thought about what it’d be like telling Miyu that she might be...the p-word. Hell, she hadn’t thought about how
anyone would react. She had tried her hardest not to even think about the fact that she was late. But based purely on their friendship, she never
would have guessed Miyu could ever be this mad at her. And over what? Not that she didn’t get the lies and the absence, but that didn’t seem to be
what Miyu was stuck on. She was upset because she was late and if she was pregnant, it was Koi’s...but why? She fucked with Koi. Sure, they bickered
a bit, but like brother and sister. She loved the kid like Devyn did...well not exactly like Devyn did, but they were cool. Why was having his baby
the worst thing? Gah, what was she even thinking?! Having anyone’s baby right now was the worst thing!
Devyn wasn’t stupid. She knew she was in deep shit. She knew having the kid’s first wasn’t something she could handle right now...despite how it
made her feel...God what was wrong with her?! She was barely 18. She hadn’t finished high school. She had to go to college. She had a fucking
future! So why was there just a glimmer of excitement in the panic she felt when she thought about being a mother? Maybe Miyu was telling her now.
You fell for him. Dev drew her lip in, biting back yet another confession she’d been holding on to for quite a while. She had. She liked
Koi more than she wanted to admit to anyone, herself included, but Miyu knew. She was telling the truth. Devyn was stupid for Koi because she loved
him.
“I don’t know what you want me to say…” Devyn sighed. She couldn’t deny it. She wasn’t lying to Miyu about Koi anymore. They were getting
it all out on the table. All she was focused on was making things okay between them...at least, that was true before her friend’s next words.
“Walk all over me?” What the hell was she talking about? Devyn checked Koi at every disrespectful turn. When he got full of himself and popped off
all reckless, when he got in “always right” mode and needed to be reminded who he was talking to. Devyn always checked him. “Nobody walks over
me, Miyu. Nobody. The kid especially doesn’t,, so what are you talking about?”
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
What was Miyu talking about? Was Devyn serious? The fact that Devyn had to even question Miyu about the things she'd just said was a big
fucking clue as to what Miyu was talking about. The ridiculous situation was brimming on "brainwash" and Devyn couldn't even see how knee deep she was
in the purple cyanide koolaid. She was a verified member of the Kidd's cult, so much devotion and complete cluelessness that it was hard for Miyu to
keep the incredulous look from crossing her face before she scoffed at Devyn's question.
"Are you serious right now?" She asked, her eyes narrowing as she shifted on the bleacher, her voice lowering as the building anger remained.
"The fact that you think you're pregnant by someone who won't even claim you says that you let him walk all over you, Devyn." Harsh. Miyu could admit
that. It was the ugly, hard truth. And Miyu meant for it to hurt. Like all the other girls that had come before her, Devyn was on the giving end of
something that Koi never gave back. There were no relationships with Koi Kidd. And just because she was his "chick homie", it didn't change the
obvious. There would never be relationships with Koi Kidd. Not now, not ever. Because Koi Kidd, no matter how much of a brother and friend he had been
to Miyu, was selfish. Selfish and fucked up and hurting. Addicted and lost. And Devyn was acting like none of those things even alerted her as she was
possibly pregnant by that him. What did she think this would be? Some fairy tale where everything would turn out perfectly if she gave him what she
wanted? That if she kept sacrificing what she wanted, she would finally get him? Bull. Shit. Devyn was playing a losing game. And now that she thought
she was pregnant, that game was quickly becoming real fucking life.
"You're better than this." Miyu muttered, looking away from Devyn. "But you don't see that. And if you can't see it, I can't help you."
it's the wantin' you, never gettin' you keeps me wantin' you... 強迫観念
She didn’t know what the fuck she was talking about. She didn’t know Koi like Devyn knew him! No one did. She wasn’t as stupid as Miyu
apparently thought she was. She knew what Koi was to everyone on the outside, Miyu included. A fuck up. A selfish dick that “didn’t do
feelings”. Devyn knew that wasn’t true. Yes, he was a fuck up sometimes and yes, he had a fuck them and leave them type past, but
that’s exactly what it was. The past. He wasn’t that boy anymore. Not with Devyn. She felt it in the way he kissed her. In the way he held her
before they fell asleep. In the way he pushed her hair out of her face before he kissed her good morning.
“I’m dead the fuck serious right now. You don’t-,” Miyu cut her off. And then she cut her deep. Devyn’s mouth fell open in disbelief and she
heard herself gasp. If she hadn’t been so pissed off she might have laughed at how dramatic she was sure it looked. What the fuck was even happening
right now? Miyu talking to her like this was unheard of and it was damn unacceptable.
“Fuck you, Miyu.” And she meant it. “You don’t fucking know me and you don’t know him when he’s with me.” She didn’t. She was done
with this whole conversation. She had just told a girl she thought was her friend something HUGE that was happening in her life and Miyu had basically
shitted on...just everything. And it hurt. It hurt in a way she never thought she’d feel with Miyu. She had been trying to keep herself from crying
about possibly having a kid, but being gut punched by her best friend had opened the levy. Dev swiped at her face as she stood up to leave. Fuck this
and fuck her. She could deal with this shit on her own then…But Miyu wasn’t done. ...If you can’t see it, I can’t help you.
“You know what, Mi?” She sighed a little, her words hitching in her throat. “I don’t think I want your help.”
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
Really. Fuck her? With a couple of years of friendship under their belt. The truth, even when Devyn didn't want to hear it. Crazy,
unmitigated loyalty. And all Miyu got in return was "fuck you"? Well. Obviously the line had been drawn in the sand and Miyu had taken a big, clumsy
leap over it. She didn't regret it. And she wasn't taking anything she'd said to Devyn about Koi back either. Because she was right. Because it was
the truth. And because as HER BEST FUCKING FRIEND, it was her place to protect her. But Devyn didn't see it that way, she guessed. No, Devyn wanted a
lie. Some fucking fairytale full of happy endings and a future full of Koi and his love and his devotion. That was fuckery. Plain and simple. And
Devyn was buying it by the damn truckload. At the price of what? A friendship? Common sense? She was willing to trade that for something that looked
like love but smelled like bullshit? Fine. If she wanted it that way, she could have it.
"Right." The only word Miyu could put together as an appropriate reply to a 'fuck you' from her own best friend slipped sourly from her lips. Before
she could stop herself, she began repacking her bag, shoving the food items she'd just taken from it back to its depths. She wasn't taking this from
Devyn. Not today. Not when she'd tried to give her the only thing she could...her friendship. Advice. A warning. It may not have looked like it, but
not telling her the truth would have been the opposite of what Devyn needed. What the hell did she expect from Miyu? A goddamned "congratulation"
fruit basket and a baby shower? Devyn knew her better. She knew that if there was any truth in a situation, Miyu would find it and expose the shit out
of it. And that she did. Yeah, okay maybe she could've been a little more supportive, but this WAS support. Miyu's words may not have been the
"expected" reaction, but they were realer than anything she could've said.
"You don't want my help? Heard." Throwing the strap of her bag over her shoulder, she faced Devyn again.
"I really hope this shit doesn't blow up in your face..." Shaking her head, she turned on her heel, the bleachers thundering under her angered steps.
it's the wantin' you, never gettin' you keeps me wantin' you... 強迫観念
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