Everything was shit. And no, that sentiment wasn't a damn exaggeration. Everything really was shit. Not that his life had ever been
motherfucking rainbows and cotton candy fluff, but the past couple of days had reached another level of "shit". And without hesitation, Koi could say
that all of the shit started Saturday night and kept getting worse from there. His parents came home from "business-oriented trips" on Sunday
afternoon and that was a fucking catastrophe in itself as Shemar and Fumie in the same place...at any time...meant World fucking War III. Sometimes,
Koi was convinced that he and his little sister were happier when they weren't around. The entire evening was tense until his mom decided to finally
stop staring holes into his Pops and go to bed...which meant "exit, stage fucking right" for his Pops, his ass probably dippin' out to be with his new
hooker of the month. Then Eri had a project due at the end of the week in one of her "I'm fuckin' smart so they skipped me to college" classes. And
guess who was left helping her with that shit? This guy. Hell, someone had to mature the fuck up and actually be a parent to his little
sister. Of course he wasn't the end all on maturity and responsibility, but he'd fake it to make that bitch when it came to Eri. She needed some kind
of stability. It wasn't her damn fault her family was so fucked...
And on top of all of that shit (plus homework and basketball practices) and the lack of a moment to get a single, good chief in, there was...guilt.
What guilt? Girl guilt. Everything from the party on Saturday night, everything that involved Devyn, had been welling up in him from the
second it had happened, until now. A lot of that night was kind of a blur with the cocktail he'd snorted, smoked and drank into his system that night,
but he remembered the shit that mattered. Like how Devyn had actually shown up at the party and how they'd talked...and gotten friendly on the dance
floor. After that, shit got a bit hazy. Flashes hit, like usual. Her face, the taste of her on his tongue, the feeling of her underneath his hands.
The familiar rush of his blood when the echo of a moan hit his memory. Lust. And anger. Not his anger, though. Hers...Devyn's. And considering that he
woke up next to some naked AJW bitch with no ass and abandonment issues, he figured that all that anger was aimed at him. Not figured, he knew.
Because he remembered that last conversation and what it was about...and he didn't know...how to handle it what he'd said. What they'd said.
So, he avoided her. And she avoided him...and that shit was good for him. He pretended to not see the anger flash in her eyes whenever he'd run across
her on campus...that was when she'd actually look at him...because she pretended to not see him at all.
Hiking his rucksack higher on his arm as he walked out of the class, barely waiting for the chime to sound before he stood up from his desk and exited the
room, he rolled his eyes as he slid past the already forming crowd of kids in the hallway, accessing the gaps in it so that he could move faster
through it, miss faces enough not to acknowledge them. He wasn't in the mood for talking. He didn't want to hear more "awesome party, Koi"s and "dude,
I got so fucked up and..." The party wasn't that great and he was over it as soon as it ended. He was just...tired. And in need of a fix. And in need
of a damn...silencer. Something to make the guilt shut the fuck up. And something to erase Devyn's face...out of his head.
“...Hai, arigato gozaimasu, Saito-Sensei. Okurete sumimasen-,*” The fake smile slid from her lips as she turned out of her Japanese
class. This was beginning to be a regular thing. Her being held back for showing up late and having to talk her way out of detention...in Japanese.
Shit, she had to stop dicking around before classes started but, how was she supposed to? KPA was actually turning into an okay way to spend
her days. She had found...acquaintances when given her walk-on for Girls Volleyball and they were actually a pretty cool bunch to be uptight
priss-pissers. She had taken to two of them, Kendall and Charity. Kendall, despite being an athlete, chiefed with the best of them and Charity’s
style was just too much to be overlooked. They were the reason she’d been late, the J calling her name a lot louder than Saito-Sensei was. But she
really had to get fucking serious about this class. She was sure the Kanji would kill her if te-form didn’t first.
She sighed, beginning down the hall toward her next class, the last before her lunch period and a free minute to think. Shit. Everytime she got one of
those her mind drifted to that damn party and that damn boy with absolutely no fucking business anywhere in her conscience. Koi had made his decision
that night and it hadn’t been her, so why then couldn’t she stop thinking about him? She hated this shit! She kept trying to convince herself he
wasn’t even that fucking fine to begin with but, she knew she was lying to herself. She had wanted Koi that night and she didn’t get him...for
some reason though, she still wanted him. The fuck? This had never happened with anyone before. When her attitude took over and she wrote people off,
that was it. They didn’t exist. Sure, she had been doing okay in pretending that Koi didn’t exist when she saw him, her eyes remaining focused on
whatever was in front of her at the moment to avoid eye contact and awkward stares but, sometimes...sometimes she caught his eyes and damn it all if
she didn’t get mad all over again. WHY?! She shouldn’t have given a good goddamn about that kid in any aspect so why the fuck was this shit
a...
FUCK. Speak of the devil and the asshole appears. She had come to a gap in the crowded hallway that she would have to squeeze through. Problem was
there was someone on the other side of it that she would have to speak to to pass. She felt her eyes cut at him as she opened her mouth to speak to
him...politely, “Excuse me-,” ugh. The disgust rang clear in her voice even though she had meant to sound nonchalant about it. Well, it was done
now...and it was better than ‘Move the fuck out the way’.
______________________________________________
*...Yes, thank you very much. Sorry, I was late.
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
Sidestepping to avoid one of the kids that was adamant about asking him when the next party at his house would be...every time he'd fucking seen him
this week, Koi skirted the crowd of students talking at their lockers, heading to classes, catching up with their friends about unimportant shit that
probably hadn't changed since the last time they'd spoken. He didn't want to do the "conversing" thing that day. Not that he ever really did with most
of the kids that went to KPA, anyway. He had his group and they were enough...even though he was avoiding them too. He'd seen Derrick leaving the HUB
earlier and he'd turned a straight up 180 just to miss him...and miss harping on and on about the shit from Saturday night. Koi just wasn't interested
in recapping it and even less interested in recalling the details from it...especially the parts that involved the both of them and the girl he'd
woken up beside. Shit just didn't matter to him enough to even keep it in his memory banks. As much as he had to avoid talking about it to just forget
it even happened, he'd do that. Especially when the shit wasn't supposed to happen in the first place.
He was rethinking things. He had been from the moment he realized that Devyn was leaving the party, walking out the front doors of his house. And he'd
just watched her do it, so fucking stuck on what he wanted that he didn't give a fuck about anything else. But that's how he worked, how he was wired.
He didn't do because other people would be happy or pleased. He didn't hide who he was so other people would be comfortable...so other people could
function while he did anything but. He was Koi and there were no regrets about that shit. And anybody who couldn't deal, could walk. Truth was that it
wasn't even about the threesome when it came down to what happened that night between he and Devyn. It was about him knowing what he wanted and not
changing what he wanted because someone else wanted different. And he was tired of niggas asking for too much of that shit and fighting to keep other
people's desires from become his life. Yeah, in the grand scheme of things, a threesome wasn't something that he couldn't have given up. He could've
dropped the flat-assed bitch and spent the night with Devyn. He probably would've loved that shit. But he would've lost yet another battle, yet
another chance to make his own choice.
Moving around another group of students who were blocking the middle of the hallway, he came to a halt suddenly, face to face with the very thing that
was on his mind. The very person. Her eyes stabbed at him so hard that he could almost feel her steely gaze plunging into his flesh. Looking around
her, he tried to figure a way where he could've avoided talking to her and just slid past her like he had done everyone else in the hallway. Fuck his
luck...because there were people on both sides of them. There was no way that he would've been able to get around her without pushing against
her...meaning he had to say something...anything. She spoke before him, though. A simple "excuse me" leaving her lips. Looking down at her,
Koi turned sideways, moving out of her way.
Without thinking, his hand moved, catching her wrist lightly as she tried to pass. "Hold up for a second..."
How had she let this happen? She had gone almost a full week without a run in and now...boom. Right in front of her. Koi. She cut her eyes at him as
she opened her mouth to speak. They could make this really quick. Probably quicker than that bitch jumped on his dick at his party. Quicker than his
decision to fucking play Devyn and leave her high and literally fucking dry. Looking at him did nothing but bring back the memory of a
fucking wasted night that ended in nothing but disappointment...and a lot of trouble. There was no hiding the weed smell that had worked it’s way
through her hair that night and when she got home her aunt had been waiting for her, to ask her how things with her “friend” went. Instead she
went off about Devyn lying to her, partying with the wrong element, and on top of everything else, her mother had called...and she missed it. Yeah,
Koi was a reminder of past events she only wanted to forget and the sooner she did the better.
So she spoke first, asking him to let her by so that they could continue to go down their separate paths and she wouldn’t get herself into anymore
trouble. That’s all this kid was...and it wasn’t the fun kind. She simply wanted to push past him. If she pretended he didn’t exist, maybe
eventually she would stop thinking about him, and with any luck, she’d be able to forget about that damn party completely. Apparently he wasn’t
into being very chatty either, his eyes silently finding her as he silently
turned to the side...silently. Fine. She was glad he was satisfied with his decision because she sure as hell was happy with hers. Fuck him.
And the bitch he slept with. She started past him, but before she was completely out of his reach his hand caught her wrist. She snatched away from
him as she turned to face him, her face stoic as she looked at him and waited...for what?
“What?”
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
What the fuck had come over him? No, really! What the fuck had come over Koi that possessed him to grab a girl who could've kicked his teeth in
without any remorse? And the fact that she was beyond pissed at him made that possibility more like a probability. He didn't even have to ask her to
see if she was "still angry" as the looks that Devyn had been giving him when he fucked up and made eye contact with her in the halls told him all he
needed to know. Her eyes said "castration". Her lips said "unyielding". Yet, he'd grabbed her around the wrist like she would've actually looked at
him in the eye and smiled. She didn't owe him any smiles. She didn't owe him conversation and she sure as hell didn't owe him niceties like "how's
your day?" or "how was the rest of the party that I stormed out on because you wouldn't give up some basic ass hoe for the chance to be with me...and
just me?". She was angry and she had the right to be. Koi wouldn't take that from her...even if he didn't agree with her anger. She was wasting her
time with even being irritated that he'd chosen a menage over her. The situation wasn't worth it. He wasn't worth it.
But there his hand was...around her wrist, catching her and asking for something that she didn't have to give him. Her time. Koi knew that. And
because he knew that, he did the only thing he could do...brace himself. For the slap that was about to come. For the anger welling up in him to
return the violence. For the fear of being like his father to try to control it...and for DNA to overcome that fear and make him slam her against the
lockers anyway. He knew the reality of the situation, he knew what he was capable of. And even though he knew...he really didn't want shit to turn out
that way. But still he braced...and waited...
And...nothing came, if you could call her snatching away from the unwanted contact and snapping at him "nothing". But it was better than the shit he
expected. Holding up his hands to let her know that he wasn't trying to start a fucking war...yet...he let the fall, stuffing them in his pockets as
he looked at her, almost wanting to turn away from her because of her unaffected glare. A glare that said she was over talking. She was beyond
listening. And she just wanted to be done with this shit. Koi understood the sentiment because he did too. He wanted to be over. He wanted to not give
a shit about her anger because he wasn't going to let so girl he barely knew control him. He wanted to smirk at her, continue to ignore her and act
like her silence didn't even concern him. He wanted to...stop thinking about her. But that was impossible. All of it was. Because more than not, she
was in his head. Engrained in that bitch with every kiss from that night, every touch. Even the shit he couldn't remember stitched her there. And
because of that, he needed to talk to her. Needed to get shit off his chest.
"I'm not stupid enough to not know that my face is the last one you wanna see right now..." He started, making sure that he chose his words carefully.
He could see everything he did and said dangling by a thread. "...but I feel like...I've got shit to say and I don't think it'll fix anything but...it
needs to be heard."
No. She hadn’t done half of the things she’d daydreamed about should he lose his mind, play with his life, and speak to her. She hadn’t beat the
shit out of him while their classmates watched, she hadn’t shattered his jaw, and she hadn’t even moved for the pen in her bag to stab him in the
neck with. Ugh! She hated this boy! Hated him. But...she didn’t know. Something in her told him not to move, to let him speak...But she didn’t
want to hear him talk, she didn’t want to care what he had to say. He had played her entire life for some basic ass lame that she was convinced had
been a disappointment in the sack...Why did this sound so familiar to her? Oh right. Because her father did the same fucking thing to her mother on a
regular basis. Hilton was a fucking asshole and this guy was a close fucking second. She hated him now...didn’t she? So why was she still standing
here?
Koi held up his hands, a small showing of peace before stuffing them into his pockets, his eyes looking away from hers as he spoke. He was right about
that shit. His face was the very last she wanted to see...and the only one her mind had allowed her to see since his party. It didn’t matter that
they were face to face now because she had been face to face with him every time she thought about his perfect lips against hers, every time she’d
questioned whether or not it would have been the worst thing to just “explore her options”, every time she thought about what might have been had
she stayed...Koi’s face wasn’t the last one she wanted to see; it should have been the first. The two of them had unfinished business and until it
was irrevocably finished she wasn’t going to get over it...Damn. Looked like she had some shit to say too...But he was starting and if she
didn’t like what he said she sure as hell still had every right to fuck him in right where they stood. All she knew was whatever it was had better
start with an apology.
Of course she couldn’t look like she was just falling into the shit, her eyes rolling, a sigh on her lips as he said he needed to be heard.
The bitch in her wanted to tell him that people in hell needed ice water and he could fuck off but, curiosity had already gotten the best of
her...that and, although she’d only ever think it, he smelled absolutely edible. Fuckkk! Fuck, fuck, fuck. He was doing it again. That
face, those eyes, that voice....Fuck.
“Spit it out, Koi. I’ve got class-,” as if she cared about that shit. Awful as it sounded and desperate as she seemed, she knew she wanted to
hear what he had to say. And even more pathetic...she just wanted to be near him.
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
Spit it out, Koi. I've got class. Koi was wasting her time, standing in front of her, asking for a chance to say the things that he should've
been saying thirty seconds after she'd walked out of his door. Even if he didn't agree with the reason why she'd left, even if he didn't want to bend
his will to hers, he could've at least resolved shit with her before he did. But he was only thinking about his dick...and his high. Wanting to keep
the party going because the party was the only thing that kept his mind off of the other shit that plagued his life. The weekend party was a
distraction...and a welcomed one. And Koi couldn't help but care so damn much about his fucking "distraction" that nothing else seemed to matter as
much. Not even hurting someone who didn't deserve it. He could admit that the way he'd turned her away had been fucked up. And he wasn't above
apologizing for it. He'd owed it to her, especially with him thinking the things that ran through his mind. There was a lot there. And most of it
concerned her...Devyn. That shit was new. Especially when his life was full of so much of "him" that he couldn't let a single-fucking thing in besides
his own bullshit.
Clenching his jaw, his eyes hesitatingly met hers again and he nodded at her, realizing that she was waiting on him to get what he had to say out...so
that she could be done with him. That his words, that were so beyond important to him, couldn't have mattered worth a damn to her. He didn't blame
her. Because everything that he said that had mattered were heard on Saturday night. Her ears were closed off to him. She was done with him. Made
sense as she didn't owe him shit anyway. Quietly, he walked closer to her, the chance of some burst of violence coming from her becoming even realer
as he drew closer to her, the anger in her eyes becoming even more noticeable. Not like it hadn't been before. He was just happy she hadn't shattered
his fucking nose. He kind of liked it the way it was...
"I know...that shit on Saturday night was fucked up." Apologizing wasn't something he did too often...or well, mostly because he never took the time
to apologize for his actions. They were always intentional. And if shit was intentional, that meant that there were no regrets. That day, there were.
From the second Devyn left, there were. "And I...shit...I was wrong for they way it went down." With a frown, he stopped talking again, just watching
her for a reaction. In his quiet, the noise of the hallway cranked up, bodies got real apparent and eyes from prying ass bitches did too.
"Can we get out of the hallway?" He muttered, nodding towards one of the rooms that he knew would be empty next period.
She was genuinely curious about what he had to say. Devyn had thought about that night more than she cared to admit to and she just knew Koi was
perfectly alright with the way things went down. He hadn’t texted or called the next day (he knew better anyway), he hadn’t tried to see her in
the hallways of KPA, and when they did see one another, she avoided him and he avoided her. Clockwork. She suffered in silence wondering if her anger,
the anger she didn’t even understand, was wasted on a nigga that didn’t give two shits whether she left that party mad or not...but apparently,
she hadn’t been alone in her suffering. Why? Koi had gotten what he wanted right? A night in the sack with ole girl. Fuck did he care that Devyn had
barely looked at him since? What could he possibly have to add to “do what you do”?
He came closer to her, testing his limits by falling just within her reach. She wasn’t going to hit him though...yet. Although he’d fucking earned
it! Koi had been a complete dick about everything that had happened that night and the least he could do was apologize for that, even if he didn’t
feel any kind of way about blowing her off. It seemed he wanted to as he admitted what he had done was “fucked up”. True. He was halfway to making
amends. Not that that was possible...or maybe it was. She didn’t know. It was obvious Koi was different; anyone else she wouldn’t have dwelled on
for as long as she had. If he were anyone else she would have long since forgotten about him but she found herself holding this grudge that she
couldn’t get rid of. There was hope for Koi...She knew there was.
I was wrong for the way it went down. Oh. She couldn’t help the satisfied smirk that came to her, her lips pulling softly as the corners as
they pursed a bit, a sad attempt to hide it. She remained quiet. He was the one with “shit that needed to be said” so she would wait for him to
say it. So far, he was doing alright, his apology was accepted...even though she wasn’t about to tell him so. There was no point if she would have
to take it back before he finished saying his piece...away from prying eyes. Get out of the hallway?
“Are you sure you don’t want to invite another girl before we go in there? I know how you like to party-,” she didn’t wait for a response
before she passed him, complying with his request to be alone with her. He followed her into the room and closed the door behind him. Devyn slid on
top of the desk at the front of the class, pulling at the newly adjusted hem of her skirt as it rode up. “Okay...We’re out of the hallway.”
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
There. He'd done it. He'd apologized. And magically, he hadn't fucking choked on his tongue or asphyxiated while doing it...like he thought
he would. That had never happened before. Not...asphyxiation. But apologizing. Koi could count the amount of times on one half his hand that
he'd apologized...and meant it. Hadn't happened often as a lot of the things he did didn't warrant an apology...because he didn't regret the shit. If
he thought about it carefully, before now, he hadn't known what regret felt like. He hadn't been familiar with the way that it pulled the bottom of
your stomach and twisted it. How it made the sour inside of it rise, fill your mouth with bitter. And how, when the sour rose high enough, it hit your
heart...and made it sink. It was bullshit. And it blew ass to feel that type of way about something that with anyone else would've been no big
deal...and honestly fucked up to apologize for. Obviously, Devyn was different. What kind of different? Koi didn't know yet. And he didn't know why,
either. But he did know that the look that she'd given him when she left the party, the look that she'd thrown at him in the hallways of KPA and the
look she was giving him now made the need to apologize, all over again, seem like it made complete sense. The look in her eyes made him want to
apologize until his breath ran out...
After he said what he had to say, Koi paused, letting everything he'd said sink in. It didn't take long; his apology had been short and sweet. Any
extra words and he might have handed his damn nuts over to her too on a goddamned silver platter. Instead, he stood there, watching her face. Her lips
pursed, telling him that she agreed with him finally realizing that the way he'd treated her had been completely unnecessary. But that was it. Not a
damn thing more left her lips as she stood there, arms crossed over her chest, staring at him. Koi couldn't even hold her gaze as he looked away,
catching a couple of eyes that were too in his fucking business for his comfort. With those eyes watching him and Devyn's eyes cutting into him the
way they were...yeah, that shit was too much. He had to relocate. As soon as possible...and apparently Devyn didn't disagree, passing by him into the
room that stood next to them.
With a sour smirk, his eyes watching her walk past him, he heard the smart shit that came out of her mouth. Oh, very fucking funny. It appeared that
he wasn't completely off the hook, but then again, he hadn't expected to be "in the clear" so soon. Koi didn't know if he was right, but Devyn seemed
to be the type of girl that you needed to thank whatever god you did your praying to if she decided to forgive you. He knew that was obvious. She
wasn't going to make it easy for him. And the only thing that meant to him was that he'd need to be too careful with the way he handled her. And
something also told him that he needed to cut the bullshit and get right to business as she propped on top of the desk, adjusting her uniform skirt
that she'd already taken up past regulation length. Koi watched her get settled silently as he closed the door and walked closer to her, but staying
just far enough away to disguise the fact that he was having a problem taking his eyes off her legs...
"I've been thinking...a lot." He said, leaning against one of the desk in the room. "And I feel like the situation was kind of...a mistake for both of
us." Okay, that hadn't come out exactly like he'd thought it up in his head, but he'd fix it.
"I don't mean that you did something wrong at the party. That was all me. I just think that...we both expected shit out of each other and that was
kind of fucked up considering that we didn't even KNOW each other to be expecting shit in the first place. You get what I'm saying?" Koi hoped she did
because if this part didn't make sense, nothing he'd have to say afterward would either.
The room was dark, the blinds drawn, save for the sunlight coming in from a far window at the back of the classroom. She watched Koi in the dim light,
crossing her legs as he approached and hoping he was completely fucking entranced with what he would never have now. Because he wouldn’t.
She might forgive him and she might be civil when she say him around KPA, but there was no way in hell they would be anything more than acquaintances.
It seemed more like they weren’t meant to have any kind of relationship at all. They had begun with an argument, that led to a fight, and then just
as they’re getting along he fucks things up being selfish. Just like a fucking man...She really should have known. Why should she think Koi would be
any different from the other men in her life? They cared about number fucking one and no one else...but if that were true why were they here now?
Sympathy. He was trying to get back in her good graces, and probably between her thighs for real this time...not happening.
He began, letting her know that she hadn’t been the only one with that night on her mind as he leaned against a nearby desk. And I feel like the
situation was kind of...Ha. Was he insane? Was he trying to get himself killed in this little ass room? Where there were no witnesses? She rolled
her eyes, an amused chuckle on her lips before she spoke, “You’re fucking up...again-,” he stopped her, speaking over her in an attempt to
explain his former statement.
Damn right she didn’t do anything wrong at that damn party. She was completely within her rights to leave without having a fucking threesome with
this kid. She didn’t sign up for that shit and if she didn’t want to do it, damn it, she wasn’t fucking doing it. So where the hell was her
mistake? More and more she was seeing something she didn’t like in this kid. Shifting blame was something her father did...and was punished for.
Maybe Hilton didn’t know it yet but, Devyn had made sure his atonement would be one for the books...But that was neither here nor there
right now. Koi wasn’t her father and he was at least trying to explain.
He was trying to tell her that she...expected too much? Oh really. “Yeah...I get what you’re saying-,” she paused all knowing smirk gracing her
lips as she started to tell him exactly what she understood, “You’re saying that it was a mistake to assume that just because we partially
fucked in your damn living room, didn’t mean that I should expect to be properly fucked outside of it.” She paused, waiting for
him to see his logic, but she wasn’t finished. “All I expected from you, Koi, was a couple hours of fun...with just you-,” her words
stopped as she began playing with the hem of her skirt, drawing his attention. She was about to fuck with his head and then she was going to leave him
here, just like he’d done at his fuck-ass party.
“But you’re right-,” she started, her voice taking a softer tone as she watched him from the side of her eye, her fingers running over the
exposed skin of her thigh, her skirt rising only slightly before she continued, “Maybe I expected too much...or maybe not enough?” she challenged,
her head cocking to the side as an innocent, curious gaze fell over her eyes, her fingers pushing one side of her skirt up a few more centimeters.
“Was I not enough for you, Koi?”
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
Just like he knew would happen, Devyn's fucking gums started poppin' before he'd even said what he had to say. For someone that Koi didn't
know all that well, he hit that one right on the head. He was fucking up because she didn't get what he was trying to say? Not quite. But Koi was
working with a miracle in mind. Trying to explain himself to someone who already thought he was the shit of the Earth was like a groupie ho that
believed in using prophylactics. Wasn't happening and didn't fucking exist. And even though she'd seemed to have forgiven him, Koi couldn't help but
think that was the only thing that he was getting. Her forgiveness. The kind that the villain got in those old ass Kung-Fu movies before the person
forgiving them chopped their head off with a katana or some shit. There was something foreboding about it. Like there were conditions to it. And he
was sure that what he'd just said hadn't made her conditional forgiveness any better. He was regretting again. Regretting even carrying on after his
apology and wondering if just letting her go down the hall, forgetting about him completely, would've been a better option.
But he pressed on, talking over her, saying a strange, jumbling of words that he was even questioning himself. But he knew what he meant. Even if no
one else could figure out what the fuck the string of words, linked together they way they were, meant. He didn't mean to assume. With any
other female, assumptions wouldn't have been necessary the night of the party as they would've done exactly what Koi expected when they'd walked in
and saw Koi tongue deep in some other girl's mouth. They would've kept the party going. Or that had been his experience considering that this hadn't
been the first time he'd pulled a stunt like the one he had on Saturday night. But Devyn's choice had...surprised him. And his mistake wast that he'd
thought that she was like every other girl. Obviously...she wasn't.
I see what you're saying... Koi's eyes connected with her's, her ironic ass smirk because the next words that came out of her mouth didn't do
anything but erase that smirk from existence. He winced, hearing the way she twisted what he was trying to say into even more...wrong. That wasn't
what came out his mouth. And if she wanted to warp his words, she could really kill that shit. What was that about? Didn't it take more energy for her
to hear what the fuck she wanted to hear instead of just take the words that were coming out of his mouth for face value? What did he have to gain
from a lie now? Nothing. Especially not with what he was offering...
"That's not what I meant-" He frowned as she interrupted him, her voice softening. Her fingertips grazing the skin of her thigh, where her already
short skirt was rising. And Koi wasn't complaining. Especially not when that skin caught his eye, dividing his attention between it and the
conversation, luring him into false security. False confidence. He couldn't look away, her voice lulling him as she kept playing with her soft skin.
Playing with that fucking skirt. Playing with...his mind. His lips turned down at the corners, his jaw clenched. Was it that easy? Was it that easy to
distract him and make every single thing she probably thought about his ass true? Sex. That was all it took apparently, that short skirt asking to be
moved aside and... He grimaced again, staring at her. How did she see it? How the fuck did she know? How did she know already that all it took was a
bat of her eye and her fingers touching herself like they were and that he'd...turn into his fucking Pops?
"That's not what I meant, Devyn." He repeated himself, his eyes snapping away from her, his voice growing harsher. "Stop...fucking with me. It's not
funny and I'm not laughing..."
He was wrong. She understood perfectly what he was trying to say, but the point was that none of it mattered. All that this lame ass apology was was a
sad and futile attempt to get mess with her emotions and play her into thinking he actually gave a fuck that what he did was wrong. She knew he
didn’t. None of them ever did. Her brother hadn’t apologized for shit since he turned 6 and her father sure as hell couldn’t even think the word
‘sorry’. It would be a cold day in hell before Hilton apologized to anyone for any fucking thing...no matter how much she and her mother deserved
it...But whatever. It wasn’t like his apology would mean shit. It wouldn’t change the things that had happened and it wouldn’t change who he
was. Just like this kid. This kid she barely knew and somehow still found herself sitting with him as she listened to what he was trying to say...or
should she say ‘failing’ to say.
Try as he might, Devyn still hadn’t heard anything that might change her mind about his character. Apology accepted, sure, the rest of
this...unnecessary. Because it was doing nothing but stroking the fire she already wanted to throw him into his lips uttering words that only dug a
hole deeper and deeper into the shit he was piling on. He was wrong. She didn’t have a problem with him choosing that other girl over her--not one
she would admit to, anyway; and she couldn’t even be upset that he wanted the threesome, the body wants what it wants, but the way he’d done her
was wrong and he was not going to be able to convince her otherwise. She left that damn party looking stupid and it was all because she had
made a promise he hadn’t committed to.
That was her fault and she wouldn’t give him the chance to get her hopes up again. So she would just play with his, her fingers coming to make light
circles on the skin of her thigh, drawing his attention. She knew how easy it would be to draw his focus. It was human nature, male human
nature. She kept hoping that Koi would surprise him but, he constantly failed as he was now. His eyes followed the trail of her finger as she spoke,
her tone calling to him as her words teased him, asking if she was enough for him. She was. More than enough actually and he couldn’t handle
it...obviously, his temper suddenly flairing as the sly smile slipped from her lips. Oh. He didn’t like being fucked with? The anger in her
sparked again at his words. Oh and his feelings mattered so much more than hers? Fuck that.
“And neither was I when you fucking dissed me for that bitch-,” she stood again, closing the small distance between them as she made her point a
lot more clear than Koi had made his, “The only mistakes I’ve made were listening to you spit this bullshit and thinking you were diffe-,” she
stopped, realizing that she was saying was a lot more than she wanted to admit...even to herself. That’s why he had been weighing so heavily on her.
That’s why she was still listening to him now...She wanted Koi to be different and...she was disappointed. She stepped back a bit,that
disappointment flashing across her face before she looked away from him.
“This whole thing was a mistake...”
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
Why was she being so fucking irritating? Everything was an act with her as she sat on that desk, teasing Koi just to remind him of how stupid
he was. How easy he was. How akin to his Pops he was. A mirror-fucking-image of him at the moment, actually. Nearly so wrapped up in the "sex" of the
moment that he couldn't see how much of a dumb ass Devyn was about to make out of him. Catching himself didn't even take away the sting of the
self-comparison, his expression setting as he growled a warning to her. Stop fucking with him. But why should she? That night, fucking with
her was all that he'd done. Starting something that he didn't finish and after that, giving her the "deuces" the second she didn't agree to what he'd
wanted. He'd acknowledged his fault and even apologized for the shit. He was starting to think that his apology didn't matter, that it wasn't worth
two dry fucks, as he stood there, watching the smile leave her face. She was still angry...and probably embarrassed as fuck as he'd given her her
walking papers as soon as she copped an attitude that she was justified for having. And as much as he understood all this...and as much as he didn't
blame her for what she was doing to him in return for her embarrassment, he couldn't ignore the dull anger that was building inside of him as she
responded.
"That makes you totally fuckin' justified, right?" He spat back, grinding his teeth as she left the top of the desk where she sat and closed the space
between them. He shifted where he stood, ready for the shit storm of emotions and probably violence that she had ready for him. Because one
thing he was finding out about Devyn was that she rarely talked for long. He didn't hesitate to let her close the distance, just hoping and praying
that she would get bold and...
"What?" Koi's thoughts were buzzing so fast and so violently inside of his head that he'd almost missed her slip up. Thinking he was...different?
Different from whom? Different from what? She barely KNEW HIM. How the fuck could she know anything about him when the only thing they'd done since
they'd met was fucking fight? And it'd looked like they were about to keep up with that tradition...if he hadn't caught her last words. The ones that
she was so afraid to let into the atmosphere that she just swallowed them the fuck back up. He hoped she didn't think Koi was going to let them ride.
"You thought I was what, Devyn?"
But she wouldn't finish her statement. Instead, she finished with words that hit home a little bit more than Koi thought they would've.
Mistake. That siht was familiar. Probably because Koi was FULL of those. Mistakes on top of mistakes on top of... Trusting in him. Confiding
in him. Being with him. Wanting him. Loving him. All that shit was a certifiable mistake. Because Koi would never be right. He would never be that
trustworthy nigga that the girls could have the satisfaction of knowing. Of being with. No, he was the fuck up. The full of shit nigga that made it
hard for the good guys. Because he wasn't a good guy. He was the rotting apple that didn't fall far from the tree.
"If that's what you wanna think, then whatever. I never said I wasn't that dude, Devyn. I'm a fuckin' asshole and usually I don't give a fuck who
thinks so..." His voice was quiet as he shrugged, watching her look away from him. True story right there. He didn't give a shit who said what about
Koi Kidd. He's an asshole. He's a slut. He's a fuckin' druggie. It slid off his back like sweat. But from the moment he smoked with her in
the Plaza, he gave a shit. To what degree that shit was given, he didn't know yet. But it was there...he cared.
"...but today is different. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't."
Yes, that did make her entirely justified. Koi had done nothing but fuck with her from the moment he invited her to that damn party. Last week she
didn’t know anyone outside of him. Inviting her to that party obviously meant she was coming for him, and the way she saw it...if she was going for
him, she was definitely going to be coming for him. She’d done extra that night for Koi. The outfit, the hair, what she had worn
underneath...It wasn’t often Devyn did things like that for guys. The ones she was dating, sure, she had to keep attention and what dude didn’t
like being the envy of his friends for the piece on his arm? For boyfriends? Sure, she’d go the extra mile...but she and Koi weren’t even friends.
They weren’t anything. All she knew was she was going to his party for him. And like a fucking dumbass she went ahead and announced that he
basically fucking owned her for the night...She played herself.
So yes, she was playing with him now. Exposing exactly what he was; a basic ass nigga, just like the rest of them. Breaking his word and blinded by
potential ass. She had to admit, she was surprised when he told her to stop, his growl coming low and full of the warning he was trying to convey. He
regained a little of his respect when he pulled that and if she hadn’t have been so angry with him, she might have questioned it a bit more. Instead
she came hard, closing the distance between them as she popped off at him, his indiscretion leaving her lips coated in the anger she was
feeling...then other feelings surfaced...things she wasn’t even sure about and things she certainly hadn’t meant to say to him.
He questioned her pause, urging her to continue and tell him what he was. Koi had seemed different. But didn’t they all at first? Fly, as all her
choices were, but with his own special...something. She couldn’t place it and while that was interesting, it meant often meant trouble...and Koi had
fallen into that category...almost.
As he began after her, Devyn listened as Koi did something she hadn’t. Disclosed. He was a self-proclaimed asshole and from the sound of things, the
self-proclaimed thing was a bit of a stretch. Koi knew who he was, he was confident in it and...was he telling her that she thought too highly of him?
That was new. Most of the guys she ended up with were more into themselves than she was...what the fuck was he saying? She wasn’t even sure anymore
and as he finished, she became even more unsure. Today is different. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t. She needed to leave. She was right,
this whole thing had been a mistake, coming in here with him had been a complete and total mistake. Now she had backed herself into a corner, trapped
between her emotions and her curiosity.
“Different how Koi?” she asked, curiosity winning out. “Different from what?”
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
Different how? That was a totally validated question. How was shit different? How was she...Devyn different? To be honest, Koi
didn't fucking know...but he had a couple of ideas. For starters, anyone that crossed his path and pissed him off usually stayed in "fuck you"
territory. Permanently. Bitch or dick, it didn't matter. They didn't chief with him and the didn't get personally invited to parties at his
house. And they sure as hell didn't end up in his lap, nearly fucking on his parent's living room couch with one of her tits in his mouth. Considering
their already building track record, shit was different in the most obvious of ways. And then, there was the "less obvious". Like why the hell he was
standing in front of her, not only apologizing for his actions, but taking the words and the bullshit she was slinging at him like mud like he
actually deserved it! Like he deserved her judgment. Yeah..because he did deserve it. All of it. He'd done her dumb wrong and somehow, it irked him
that he had. And all he wanted to do...was fix it. Change the way shit had gone down. Change how she saw him. And...he didn't know why. He wasn't
supposed to give two fucks what a girl like Devyn thought about him. Devyn, with her slick ass mouth. And that anger. And...the way she toked like she
was inhaling air. And...the way her hips rode her body like the smoothest beat. Shit...fuck her. Fuck her. Why couldn't he just forget
her?
Shrugging as he avoided looking at her, he felt his teeth grind down, clamping his mouth shut. His mouth refused to answer. And he was glad it did.
Why the hell did he have to come back with what was going on in his head when she was choking on the thoughts floating around in hers. What had that
been about? Her wanting him to be different? Different from who? From other niggas in her past? Nah, Koi wasn't even going there. He wasn't claiming
to be something that he definitely couldn't be. He WAS "those other...". He treated females like the were expendable because they were. They weren't
permanent because they wouldn't end up that way, would they? Not with the way he was made up. Not with the blood that was pulsing through his veins.
Shemar Kidd blood. Cheater blood. "That motherfucker..." blood. That was who he was doomed to be. And even if, one day, he didn't want to be...nobody
could save him. He wasn't so sure he wanted to be, anyway.
"Look..." He started, making the mistake of looking at her curious eyes. "I don't even know what that means. All I know is that I'm trying to fix what
I did. And if you'd fucking let me..." Scoffing, he stared at Devyn and shook his head again.
"You're cool people. And I fucked up...twice with a cool ass female. And I don't want it to be like that with us. I mean...with you." Us?
Nice...
She really had no right to ask how things were different for him. She didn’t know about him, but for her, the answer to that question
was...complicated? Confusing? Unknown was a better adjective to use for what she was feeling. She didn’t know. And the longer they were together,
the more unsure she became about absolutely everything. He was right though. This was different from all of her other relationships with men. None of
them were the apologizing type, none of them were ever given the chance to apologize. It was completely outside of her character to even listen to
their bullshit, her body shutting down completely once a person made her shit list; but Koi had been put on her shit list twice, and yet here
he was, about to come off of it again. How the hell was he doing that? What the hell was he doing? What was it about him that made her want
to...forgive? She couldn’t answer her own questions without an answer to his, but his answer never came, his jaw setting as his lips remained
closed, leaving her question to linger around them.
It was payback. Payback for the statement she hadn’t finished before. He was different. Different from her other boyfriends, different from her
father’s cronies, different from...her father. Koi cared about her. What she thought of him, how she was feeling...why else was he standing
here, making a complete ass out of himself and letting her be a complete bitch to him because that was exactly what she had been doing. Since entering
this room with him, her little tease with the skirt, the constant reminder that he wasn’t shit without really saying it to him...She was awful to
him and now...she kind of regretted it. Kind of. He deserved whatever he got for what he’d done to her but...she didn’t have to make it so hard
for him...did she? Ugh! She hated the back and forth her mind was going through. The indecision was about to drive her insane!
But at least she wasn’t alone as Koi explained that he didn’t know what different meant either. He just wanted to fix this...if she’d let
him...She sighed feeling her anger dissipate, as he shook his head at her a small scoff on his lips. She couldn’t help the full on smile that
captured her lips as he admitted to fucking up...twice. I don’t want it to be like that with--What? Us? She might have missed it if Koi
hadn’t corrected himself, telling her he didn’t want things to be like with her, instead of them...If Koi thought there was an
‘us’, so...there was no reason she couldn’t try ‘them’ one more time right? Just one...
“I um...-,” she didn’t know what to say. She bit her lip, smiling as she realized what was happening. For the first time, Koi had Devyn at a
loss for words and it was, “Smooth. Real smooth, kid-,” she had to admit, he had some serious skill if she didn’t have a comeback for what
he’d said. And she didn’t. She was at a complete loss, so the only thing she could do now was...front. “Don’t think just because you’re a
little nice with words you’ll be able to just talk your way out of shit with me. You’re not even completely off the hook this time-,” she smiled
as she looked at him, her weight nervously shifting as they just kind of looked at one another.
Was this the start of a friendship?
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
Was she pausing? Did Koi sense hesitation in her words? Looking at her with curious expectation in his eyes, it hit him. Devyn just didn't have
anything to say. In the good way, he knew as she bit her lip, a smile hiding behind them. Wow. He couldn't believe it. He'd done the fucking
impossible. Survived the bullshit just long enough to finally get through to her. That was how it seemed because...at least she was smiling at him
again. There were still some lingering traces of the distrust she felt, but at least he was the reason for that smile. He hadn't seen one like that
since...since the moment they caught each others' eyes at his house in the dimmed light of his living room. All he could see was her. Ha...if only
that shit had lasted the whole night and his buzz hadn't fucked with his head. If HE hadn't fucked with his head. Like he said before, he couldn't
blame the buzz. Mary Jane increased the feelings he had for Devyn that night, not the other way around. All the lust that was rolling over his skin
for her. All of the want he felt. No, he got into his own head. It was his own fault he'd ended up with her pissed at him and sharing some random
bitch with Derrick in his bed...
Smirking at her words, he walked slowly, bumping her arm playfully as he passed her and leaned on the desk where she'd been propped a moment before.
Smooth? He didn't think so. At least, for once, he wasn't trying to be. He wasn't trying to talk her into dropping her panties for him. He
wasn't trying to get anything out of her...outside of her forgiveness. He wasn't even trying to talk slick for once. He just wanted to be real with
her. That was all. Be real and be something besides the "enemy" he was making himself out to be. He meant what he said. Devyn was cool people. He
could see himself hanging with someone like her. Yeah, they'd started off rocky, but he could tell she was good company. She smoked with the best of
'em and she partied. And he had to admit it...the sausagefest he was kickin' it with on the regular was getting old. His boys were his boys, but there
was nothing like having a girl for "the homie" too.
"That kinda sounds like forgiveness..." He started before she cut him off, telling him that he wasn't completely off the hook with her. He smiled at
her, biting his lip as she watched him. He knew it wasn't quite over. His mind wanted to tell him that she was completely over it, but watching his
mother...he knew the female mind. There was nothing like a woman scorned. They remembered everything. Like motherfucking elephants. And no
matter what words he'd rattled off to her, she was still probably feeling some type of way about him. But he could change that. He really wanted to
change that with her.
"Guess I still have to work for that..." He muttered, nodding as he grew a bit serious. "You should hang out with me this weekend. No kick back. No
rager. Just you and me...fuckin' shit up. What do you think?"
Fine. Yes. Alright. He won this time. Any man that had the ability to leave her speechless was one that deserved her respect. And her forgiveness. Of
course, that wasn’t the only reason he was forgiven, but for now it was the only one she would admit to. Devyn wasn’t about to set herself up
again by thinking anything that wasn’t said, regardless of how much she liked the guy. And she did. She couldn’t lie, when he wasn’t being a
complete and total dickface, he was a good guy. Chill type dude, with a swag that she couldn’t help but be attracted to. Koi was...real. Realer than
anyone else is this ridiculous place and she didn’t see why she shouldn’t at least try to make friends.
She smirked, her body turning towards him as he brushed by her, coming to lean on the desk she had been before their argument got heated. He spoke,
telling her that she sounded like she was forgiving him and she was. In a way...he was cleared to speak to her again and she probably wouldn’t be
giving him hate stares in the hallway anymore, but he had to know that she was still a little salty. Who wouldn’t be...But she’d get over it.
She’d been through worse, with people she’d known longer. Honestly, now that she was on the other side of things, the whole situation wasn’t a
bad as she’d made it out to be...or maybe it had been and something was keeping her from seeing that...
He was right; he would have to work for her total trust, but for now, he had what he needed for them to at least be friendly. Who knew, maybe if they
didn’t fight as much as friends they could try to be something more than that. Was it too soon to think that way? Probably. And she would make an
effort not to. She kept telling herself that Koi need to earn things from her, but somehow he she always seemed to end up giving him what he wanted,
whether she was sure he was worthy or not. Maybe she should actu--huh? Her thoughts stalled as Koi’s words came to her. We should hang out.
What did she think? The last time he’d asked her that question, things hadn’t gone his way...and she couldn’t be sure this would either. She
didn’t know if she wanted to chill with him on the one on one level yet. Other people were buffers, things to misdirect her anger should he piss her
off...but he was doing an okay job taking her now...
“Maybe-,” came her usual response, slick smirk on her lips telling him that she was leaning more towards yes. “I’ll see if I can make space
for you on the line up-,” she joked, referring to her entirely empty weekend schedule. She had time for Koi...just not now. Oops. She had
completely forgotten about her next class...and she was pretty sure there was a test she was missing. “Text me about it. I’ve gotta get to
class-,” she said, backing towards the door, the smirk on her face becoming a smile as she turned her back to him and her hand met the knob. She was
going...maybe.
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
Another maybe. Wasn't Devyn getting tired of maybes? Then again, Koi couldn't be too choosy about getting "maybes" from Devyn when on both occasions,
he should've gotten loud and very appropriate "hell no's". Or maybe "fuck off your asshole's" Her first reply of "maybe" when he asked her to come to
the party at his house had been a "yes" in disguise. But this one? Koi wasn't so sure. Devyn's smile was back and their conversation was flowing a
bit more easily now that the tension had dissipated in the room, but shit wasn't necessarily "in the green". Yet. They'd get there, Koi was sure of
that...if he didn't fuck everything up again. If he kept on caring enough to keep his head on straight and his foot out of his damn mouth. Who was he
kidding? He'd be lucky if he could keep Devyn's knee from making contact with his nuts again as he kept with the stupid shit. Wasn't completely his
fault though as he learned from the best. His Pops was the King of messing a good thing up. And as usual, he couldn't help wondering just how long it
would take for him to step into his father's shoes and do the same.
"Busy, busy. I'll let you pencil me in, though..." Koi could tell from that smile that his thoughts of a maybe-no weren't exactly correct. Sounded
more like a "yes" actually. And that "yes" sounded like an undeserved second chance. Undeserved, but definitely not unappreciated. He really did
appreciate it. He was happy for it. And with the smile that was curling his lips, he surprised himself with how much that "yes" had genuinely...gotten
to him. How much it gave him a feeling that he'd never felt before. An anticipation of something good. Something great. Instead of not giving a shit,
that "yes" had him caring, ideas whipping through his head of what they could get into that weekend. Places they could go. What new and different
thing he could show her about the island that she now called "home". And he hadn't even gotten a "yes" yet. All Koi really needed was that "maybe".
Text me about it... She was leaving? For what? They could've kicked it in that room for the rest of the day and Koi wouldn't have gotten
phased. But he knew better. He didn't want to push his luck. He'd gotten forgiveness and a "maybe" about the weekend and that was enough. The start of
something...good. Nodding, he pushed himself for the desk, hearing her talk about he class she'd clearly forgotten about. Class wasn't really on his
mind though. He'd hang out in the Plaza a little bit more before he had to catch a mandatory study group later on that day. But first...
"Let me walk you..." He said, coming to Devyn's side as she walked to the door, her hand reaching for the knob. With a smile, he watched as she turned
the knob, his hand coming over her head, opening the door wider so she could walk through first. "Gotta start making shit up to you somehow, right?"
With a chuckle, he followed her through the door, closing it behind him.
![[*]](images/davis/default_icon.gif){kind=icon}
