Closing the door behind them, Koi watched Devyn walk to his bed, sitting on the comforter lightly. Her hands swiped at the tears that were still
falling and...shit. Without words, Koi reached for the tissue box on his desk. He couldn't just sit there and watch her cry. But he couldn't
hold her like he wanted to. He couldn't console her. Not in the aftermath of what had just happened in the living room, his stupid answer bringing her
to tears. He hated to admit it, but he didn't...get it. He was confused more than he liked to be when it came to Devyn. His confusion didn't matter
though...her tears did. And that he'd caused them hurt even more. Because more than anything, he'd never wanted to be the cause of her tears again.
"Hey..." He said, handing her the tissues, his fingers brushing hers as he pulled his desk chair to the corner of the bed where she sat. He situated
himself just close enough to give her space...but enough to let her know that he was there. That he gave a shit about...well, everything. Her
emotions. How he'd ruined her evening. How he'd been stupid, clumsy with his words. How her perfect face looked...streaked with tears that he wanted
so badly to stop.
"...I'm sorry..." He said, his senses leaving him for a second as his fingers wiped her tears off of her round cheek. He couldn't help but silently
curse at himself, withdrawing his hand. He knew she needed space and he wanted to respect that...
"...and I'm listening." He spoke, sitting back in his seat, his eyes on her.
Devyn took the tissue box Koi offered and pulled from it. She knew she looked crazy and probably had mascara running all down her face. He did this to
her. Koi made her an emotional nutcase and she'd spent all night ignoring that he always did this. Even when they were good, she and Koi
couldn't go more than a few hours without an argument. She should have known nothing between them now would be any different and she and Koi would end
up here. About to have yet another argument...
He called to her as she tried to clean up her face, her eyes cutting to him as he apologized. She let him wipe her face and wondered what this
was...who this was...Without thinking, her face leaned into his hand, but he took it back almost as soon as it did. She didn't know this Koi.
Not that he didn't try when they were...whatever they were, but this wasn't him trying. This was him actually being open to her having feelings around
him. Not tolerating them like he did when they were together, or ignoring them like he did when they were just "friends".
...and I'm listening. Devyn blinked, unsure of what to even say. She'd wanted to talk. Seven months ago in the weeks after...prom...she'd
wanted to talk then. To help him. To fix whatever was broken so that they could make "them" work. There was no them now. What was there to talk
about?
"About what Koi? I wanted to talk to you before all of this. I spent weeks trying to talk to you after prom and...-" she shrugged, her words trailing
off because that was the whole story. And nothing. "What's different now? Where was the Koi that wanted to talk when I needed him?"
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
About what Koi? What did she mean “about what� What wasn’t there to talk about? Sure, Friendsgiving had been a shit time to bring
up anything about their past, especially while in front of Minna and Enzo, but “about what� Her reaction to his description of what went
wrong in their relationship was “about whatâ€. Because obviously there were unspoken things. Things that sat between the words that she HAD
said. Do you think I’m trying to punish you, Koi? Of course he didn’t think that and why she felt that way confused him. Because he just
wanted...he wanted to be better for her now. He wanted the shit in the past that’d gotten them here to not affect her the way it apparently
was. He wanted her to...shit, be happy? But her breaking down like that in the living room? Shit wasn't resolved. Not with Devyn...and apparently not
with Koi.
Koi leaned away from Devyn as she spoke, her words hitting him as harshly as he expected the truth in them to do...without pity. Without restraint.
But she was right. She'd tried to talk to him. When he'd gotten out of the hospital, she'd done everything she could to get some semblance of sense
out of him, but he closed off to her every time. Changing the subject. Getting noticeably irritated. Or his fucking favorite, just acting like she
wasn't there. The point was that she'd tried to get through to him and he'd refused to do the one thing she was asking for him to do...let her in.
"I know..." Koi spoke quietly, letting her words sink in. As heavy as they were, it didn't take much.
"...that you don't owe me a conversation." He admitted looking up at her. She looked...defeated. Even as annoyed...angry...done...as she had the right
to be, Koi could feel how tired she was in the way she looked at him. This exhausted her. HE exhausted her.
"But...the truth is you need to talk to me, Devyn. You need to say the shit you've been holding onto for months. And I...I need to listen." He rubbed
his face roughly as he looked at her.
Where was he? Where was this Koi when she'd needed him before? This Koi was different. She could tell that. The Koi that told her how he felt
in the stands when they saw one another last was different from the kid she knew in high school. Even the Koi he'd been today, before all of this
drama, was a different kind of playful with her than the boy she knew before. The Koi that was telling her he knew she didn't owe him a
conversation...it was all different and Devyn resented it. She resented it because he was too late. The damage had been done and she knew there was no
coming back from what she knew now. He was different...but so was she.
Devyn stood from her place on his bed and began to pace slowly as Koi continued to talk. His words were slow, his tone gentle. He was telling her that
she needed to let go of the shit she'd been holding on to and he was going to just take it...He was being careful with her. Devyn knew she couldn't
offer the same courtesy. She could feel the anxiety welling in her as he ended with an apology, her back to him as she sighed. The silence between
them was deafening as he waited for her to start. To answer her own question of "about what". He wanted what she'd been holding on to for months? The
shit she'd been forcing down and turning away from since he...
Fine.
Devyn turned back to him, another tear falling as she opened her mouth to say something. But she didn't know what...she wasn't sure how to...she
just...couldn't. She couldn't with Koi, because when she looked at him...when he looked at her the way he was now all she wanted to say was, "I love
you."
It burned in her throat, leaving her lips at a whisper before she pulled her bottom lip in, unsure of how to continue. She loved him. Above all else,
that was what she'd wanted to say for the past 7 months. For the past two years. She felt weightless when she said it and everything became easier
when she was able to tell him that she loved him. More than any of the shit between them, Devyn was in love with him.
She stopped searching for words, stopped thinking, her feet carrying her across the room to where he sat, dumbstruck, in his desk chair. She closed
the distance between them and she leaned down so that her lips met his in a kiss. Soft at first. She felt him try to pull back. She knew he would ask
what was going on and she didn't know so she held him there, one hand cradling his face and pulling him further into her. Her tongue parted his lips
as they twisted together the way they used to. Devyn tasted the nostalgia of him in her mouth. The memory of what they'd had before they couldn't have
it anymore.
The hand not at his face hiked her skirt so that she could straddle him, a moan leaving her as Koi's arm went around her, the other hand on her bare
thigh as he groaned his pleasure. She broke the kiss. Her forehead pressed against his still as she said the things she'd been holding on to for
months.
"I love you. I have missed you. I think about you e v e r y single second of e v e r y single day and the only time I'm not thinking
about you is when I'm doing things that I am almost exclusively doing so that I don't think about how much I miss you...-," she paused, kissing him
again quickly, his lips calling to her...but she needed to focus. "...and even then it's just a matter of time before you sneak back into my head.
Everything reminds me of you...of us. I want to be with you...-," Devyn's last words were whispered as she felt another tear drop. A silence
settled between them again and in the pure release her words had just provided, so many things were shifting into focus. Her eyes were
closed, but she could see everything so clearly now.
One of her arms was around his neck, holding him to her. The other was at his chest. She could feel his heart beating under her hand the same way she
had in the hospital. She was nervous the way she'd been at the graduation party...she was in his lap like she had been when she'd visited him in
rehab...
In all the shit between them, more than anything, Devyn was in love with him. But...
"But you are a poison that I can only let kill me once."
She felt her quiet words seep into him first. The grip his hands had on her loosened. His shoulders slumped and before she pulled away, she felt his
brows furrow in confusion. Confusion and disappointment that was clear on his face as her eyes finally found his. She stood, backing away from him and
putting distance between them again.
"Because you did-," this was the part he was expecting. The part that she could say now that she'd gotten out the truth of what she felt. She loved
him...And he'd hurt her. "The Devyn you knew is gone. She died when you should have on prom night. I tried to be her still when you left the hospital
but I couldn't. I wasn't strong enough. You wouldn't let me...heal enough before you...then there was graduation." She sighed, swiping at the tears
that were falling freely again now. She was saying all of this and reliving it with every word. She felt the devastation he caused all over again, the
hole in her heart uncovered now that he'd made her rip off the band aid there.
"And you finished me. I am broken because of you, Koi Kidd."
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
The Devyn you knew is gone...she died when you should have on prom night.
Her words were steel-tipped, the edge on them piercing Koi as soon as they left her lips. Words like “hurt†and “sadâ€
didn’t even hit on feeling they’d caused inside of him. His breath froze in his lungs as he processed them...and he knew they were true.
He knew that she meant them more than anything she’d said...or done with him the entire evening they’d spent together. The way she
touched him that night, spoke to him...the way they’d fallen back into who they were. None of that made her words any different because he
knew, beyond a doubt, that she’d done exactly what he’d urged her to do. Opened up to him...and it had completely devastated him. He
didn’t even know when she’d pulled away from him, but he felt the absence of her more than he had that night. Not just in her closeness,
physically, as they’d been wrapped around each other most of the night, more than they had since his stupid, clumsy attempt at a proposal.
But...he felt… “it†leave. It, being the effort she’d been putting on like a fucking costume. All of the things she felt she
couldn’t say, couldn’t let him see. They were there...on display...and he could finally see. More than he could in rehab. More than he
could in therapy. He could see the damage. See the way that he had, single handedly, broken her.
But was broken the word? Koi could think of about fifteen more that felt more appropriate. Destroyed. Burned...Ruined. Ruined? That seemed
right. And he wasn’t thinking about their relationship. No, he knew the damage he’d done there. He’d refused to be with her, made
her fit into this impossible space between “lover†and “friend†when all she wanted was what he’d been feeling,
too...and promptly running away from. And then, when he gave it to her, he gave her him...still on HIS terms. He knew the way he’d ended the
relationship before it’d had a damn chance. He thought about it every time he looked at her...every time he remembered her with Tre’.
Every time he remembered that she and he weren’t...and maybe would never be...a “themâ€. But this? He didn’t-he just
didn’t...he didn’t expect it. Devyn had been so strong. The first time they’d met, he’d known it. She’d stood up to
him during one of his hangover rages and she didn’t back down. Devyn didn’t take shit. She was steel. She was…invincible.
Right?
As he made himself look at her, his eyes saw everything he’d been missing before. The eyes, wet with tears, but carrying the weight of the shit
she never should’ve had to see. How tired she looked. Beautiful, but exhausted with the effort it took to be around him...to love him, miss
them...and still know that it was over. That it was finished because she couldn’t give herself to someone who’d destroyed her the way he
had.
“Devyn…†His voice came out as a cracked whisper, breaking underneath the weight of her words. He kept his hands in his lap, folded
against reaching out to her as she cried.
“...I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean-†Koi’s words faltered again, feeling stupid, heavy and
awkward against his tongue. He shook his head against them, willing his bullshit back inside of himself. Why would he even think that
“sorry†or “I’ll never do it again†was going to fix ANYTHING this time? He’d annihilated her. From the very
beginning until this very moment. He tore away at everything confident and strong about her until...she was this now. And no words were going to fix
that for her. He couldn’t fix that for her.
“I broke you. I know that now...and you’ll never know how much I regret who I was...who I’m fighting not to be because I
did...that...to you.†He paused, hoping she could hear him.
“I thought…†Koi stopped, the sound of his therapist’s voice overwhelming him. Speak to your emotions, Koi...what did you
FEEL?
“...no, I felt like the shit I did...only hit me. You know? Trying to take myself out was...good for me. Because I- I felt that everyone would
be...better without my shit? Without the constant drama of...me. And...I just didn’t fucking...I didn’t THINK.†He put his head in
his hands at the last words because he knew what they meant. He didn’t think about the aftermath. He didn’t think about anyone else
except for the PAIN and the EMBARRASSMENT he felt looking at his face in the mirror on prom night after his father tried to bash his brains in. He
couldn’t go to prom like that. He couldn’t stand beside Devyn like that. He could ruin her night...again...like that. He
couldn’t. So, he wouldn’t…
“I didn’t think about what it would do to Eri. My Moms. Miyu and Dhonny. God, to you...of all people, to you. And it…this
broke you.â€
He stared at her for a while. She knew Koi was processing what she'd just said. He was probably reeling from how she'd gone from one extreme to
another...but Devyn felt better. For the first time since they'd been apart, she had gotten to fully and completely stand in her truth about them.
When Minna had asked why their relationship ended, she knew then that Koi didn't get it. He didn't understand the extent to which he'd left
her...destitute. He didn't know that she hadn't slowed down until Miyu left. She packed her life with so much bullshit and distraction that she only
had time to think about him in the quiet before she slept. He didn't know that once her friend did leave, she felt like she lost everything
because the one person she wasn't blood related to that she cared about on this island was the one person she had to will herself not to care about.
Koi didn't know how many nights she'd cried herself to sleep in one of his KPA sweatshirts wishing she could just ask him to hold her. But he had a
clue now. And just the bit she'd offered was obviously enough.
He called her name, his voice cracking as he paused to compose it. I'm so sorry...She knew that. Devyn knew he was sorry. She knew he never
wanted them to turn out like this. He'd never been malicious in their relationship. He was just...so damaged. His parents and their shit had trickled
down to he and Eri and Devyn saw that. It effected who Koi was, who she knew he wanted to be. She knew he was sorry for what happened...it just wasn't
good enough this time.
Devyn sighed listening to him paraphrase her feelings and talk about his regrets. She wanted to look away from him, but she couldn't. The pain on his
face was absolutely destroying her, but looking away would mean letting him in again and she knew that. If she looked away she would find a way to
talk herself into making him feel better. She would talk herself back into his lap and they couldn't do that. They needed to talk this through and let
it land...wherever it landed. She couldn't keep seeing him in passing and getting updates about him through Eri. Whether they decided to stay in or
out of one another's lives, they couldn't keep doing what they were doing now.
And Koi was finally being honest with her. He felt like the shit he did only affected him. Trying to..-Devyn heard herself gasp quietly as he
said it. So causally. Trying to take himself out was good for him. Of course, it wasn't. Koi not being here was the absolute worst thing for him and
everyone who cared about him. That he had been in that place and she hadn't been there haunted her. In the living room, he'd blamed himself for their
break up, but Devyn wasn't innocent in any of this.
“I should have been there-,†she admitted it quietly. It was the first time she’d actually said it, despite thinking it whenever
she thought about prom night. “If I’d been there or at the very least picked up the phone when you called I
could’ve…-,†her words trailed off. She didn’t know what she could’ve done, but something to stop it. To stop him
from not seeing another way out. To remind him that, even at his loneliest, he still had her. But no. She hadn’t answered his call.
She’d been too busy primping for a ridiculous school function that she was no different for missing.
“You told Minna that it was you, but it was me too…I wasn’t enough-,†Devyn smiled weakly, a dry chuckle on her lips as she
thought about her mother, someone she’d actually lost because she hadn’t been there…
“I never am.â€
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
Koi remembered when those words came out in family therapy, his mom and Eri sitting on the couch facing him, Zori sitting just close enough to him to
show his support...and not smother him at the same time. When he'd said those words...they just...made sense. They clicked pieces of himself together
that had been disjointed since his suicide attempt. He hadn't thought. He'd gone on autopilot, his brain letting his anger, his sadness...his
hopelessness take over completely. So much so that he stopped thinking about the people that mattered the most...including himself. Because all that
mattered was making the hurt stop. Making the pain from his constant bullshit go away. Making everything numb again. Permanently.
And the memory of that moment in therapy nearly brought tears to his eyes. They way Eri sobbed quietly into her hands. The way his mom had
just...stared at him, unblinking. Even the way Zori had pulled Koi into his hulking chest and Koi'd realized that he'd been crying too. The memory of
it played in his head as he watched Devyn process everything he'd said. He thought to break the silence, but he knew better. He knew she needed
to...he didn't know, sort out his words? Recover from the shock of hearing him talking about his suicide attempt so casually. It really
wasn't...casual. The words, no matter how direct or indirect, made his stomach drop every time the realization of them hit him. Every Koi thought
about how close he'd gotten this time.
I should've been there- What? Koi jerked out of his thoughts so violently that he couldn't help the curl of his lip at his words. She
should've been what? Been where? There that night? In the house when he'd...done that to himself? No. No she shouldn't have. No one that was
there that night should've been there. Not Eri, who'd known something was wrong when he'd locked himself in the bathroom and wouldn't answer her
pleading to open the door. Not his mother, who went hysterical, but oddly knew to pull Eri away from the door before Zori went immediately into
action, ramming himself against the door to get to Koi. And...not Zori...he had to pull his body from the tub. Zori saved his life that night. But if
it hadn't meant his life, Koi would've wanted every detail that his family had shared with him during therapy blotted from that night. Erased. Striken
from the fucking record. Just to save his fucking family from never having to remember THAT again.
"Devyn...don't." Koi said quietly, shaking his head as Devyn started to beat herself up about shit that obviously wasn't her fault. Listening to her
guilt herself into blaming anything that'd happened that night on her inability to act. Her inability to answer the phone when he'd called. To do
anything that would've stopped him from trying to take his life...
"Devyn." He called her name again, sharper than he had the first time. But she wasn't listening, she went on about him admitting his fault, but how he
was wrong. How it was really her fault. How she wasn't enough and never would-
"DON'T." Shit.His voice boomed. One word. It echoed around the room as her eyes snapped to him. And he knew what she saw, his face flushed,
his hands taunt on the arms of his desk chair. He looked away from her...and realized immediately that he was already getting out of the chair, moving
towards her, his arms gathering him into her, pressing her into his chest.
"You have no fucking idea. NO idea...how relieved I was that you weren't there, Devyn. No idea. It was enough that Eri..." He stopped again, feeling
the familiar warmth in his eyes when he remembered his sister. Remembered the way she wouldn't look him in the face when he got out of the hospital.
How she wouldn't touch him when he returned from rehab. How she didn't want to connect with him in therapy until the breakthrough that gave her back
to him. He couldn't imagine...what it would've been like to go through that twice.
"And let me tell you something." His voice was a whisper as he pulled himself away from her enough to lift her chin to him. He wanted to see her eyes.
To really look into them. He wanted her to see him and to know that he saw her.
"You are everything...fucking everything. You get me?" His lips met her forehead, kissing her there before he cupped her face with his hands again.
"I know I spent a long time telling you different...but you have always been enough. Fuck what this...shit...made you think. Fuck what I made you
think. You are, babe. You're enough..."
Devyn couldn't bear to carry the guilt of her mom and Koi simultaneously, so she never did this. She never thought of how she failed them both at the
same time. But she was now. It had her word vomiting about how she should have been with him so that he didn't...do what he did. How she should have
answered the phone when he called. How she was at fault too. And she was. Because even in her absence he should've known. Her mother should have
known. Even her brother hadn't chosen her. Devyn's love was never enough to get people to stay and she didn't know why she thought Koi would
be different...She hadn't been. Same clingy, bitchy, hot and cold, Devyn. Sure, she had her moments, but the truth was...she was just as broken as Koi
was. Maybe in a different way, but something was wrong if nobody seemed to stay...Koi blamed himself, but Devyn had her hand in this too.
Although he was willing to argue that with her, his voice echoing in the small space of his room as she jumped at his sudden outburst. DON'T.
Don't what? She was being honest with herself for once. That's what he'd asked for right?T he old Devyn might have said those things out loud, but new
Devyn wasn't that girl. She had told him before that she couldn't and she truly could not. She could not fight with him anymore. She just
wasn't able.
But he had been telling the truth, too. He didn't want to fight either. Before she could process what was happening Koi had closed the distance
between them and was pulling her into him. She let him, sniffling as he told her that he was glad she wasn't there. That it was enough
that--Eri. Her arms went around him with her name. She knew how strained things had been with Koi and Eri. When Eri wasn't talking to him
after rehab, she'd spent a few weekends with Devyn. She'd let slip once, that it was because she knew Devyn wouldn't force her to talk about him. It
hurt her when Eri'd said it, so Devyn knew Koi was being iced at home...and Devyn had frozen him out too...
But not now. Now they were talking. Now they were getting through the shit of what happened to come out on the other side of it...stronger. She could
tell in the way he tilted her chin to look at him, his voice at a whisper as he told her he had something to tell her. Their eyes connected and Devyn
felt something spark in her in a way she hadn't in a long time. He was doing that thing. She'd missed the thing. He was giving the look he gave when
he didn't want to argue and he was about to say all the right things.
You are everything...fucking everything. You get me? He kissed her forehead and Devyn sighed, her eyes falling closed as she truly
felt his words. With just that Koi had touched her in a way he never physically could. She hadn't known it, but it was validation she'd
wanted from him since starting their fucking "situaitonship" after her mom. It touched her deep. And then...You have always been enough...She
whimpered then, unable to contain it. He kept going. Regardless of what he'd made her think, he was telling her that she was enough for him. And he
didn't say so, but she could hear that she always would be.
Devyn turned her face, her lips kissing his palm before she looked at him again, unsure of what to even say. What else was there? Where did they go
from...this? She didn't want to think about that now. Stretching on her toes she let her lips touch his again in a soft kiss. As she drew back, she
decided where they would go from here...
"Can you just...will you hold me?"
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
He was still holding her. The night had passed and she was still in his arms, her breathing steady and slow...which was good considering
she'd tossed and turned the first hour, Koi's leg going over both of hers, his body cocooning her. She'd exhaled and fallen off to sleep and she
hadn't moved since. Not when he got up to eat the last of her mac n' cheese. Not when he got up again to go get them breakfast from the Commons. It'd
gotten cold as it sat on his side table. He'd expected her to be awake but she was still where he'd left her...on her side, her body molded to the
shape of his. So, he did what he knew he needed to do. He slid under the covers next to her, arm wrapping around her waist as his chest pressed
against her back. He couldn't help looking at her sleep, her side rising and falling. She looked like she hadn't slept like this in awhile...and he
knew that everything they'd talked through the night before had been the cause of it.
And Koi was relieved. Because maybe, if she could finally sleep like this? Maybe the destruction his decisions and her dealing with the aftermath of
them...maybe it was resolved. Maybe they could move forward and...well, shit was never going to be the way it was. He wasn't the same Koi. She wasn't
the same Devyn. Maybe they could be whatever the were now?
She shifted beside him, his arm tightening around her waist like it had way more times than he could count. He smiled a little, his eyes still closed
to the light of the morning. The memories weren't all good, but them like this? This was one he couldn't forget. Her pressed against him, her fingers
intertwining with the ones that were pressed against her stomach. His arm closing tighter around her, a greeting on his lips.
"Morning, hips..." He whispered next to her ear, nuzzling her neck as he felt her shift beside him.
She'd been exhausted. She wasn't sure how long they'd talked last night but it felt like ages of heavy, heavy stuff. Stuff that they'd shed in what
they'd done. In the things he said. You are everything. Fuck what I made you think. You're enough. It may have taken her a while, but Devyn
fell into the most peaceful sleep with Koi's chest at her back as he cradled her the way he used to. The way she'd missed. She had told herself when
she accepted his apology at The Sanctuary that she was over it. That she was moving forward. She wasn't and she hadn't. But as she finally drifted off
with his arm around her waist, she knew she would wake up in the place she'd told herself she was before. She'd wake up, good with him again.
And she was. Devyn stirred, a smile on her lips as she shifted and felt his familiar pull at her waist. She let her hand find his and her fingers fell
into the spaces between his and it was...them. It was she and Koi reconnecting and she felt it. He did too, his face nuzzling into her neck as he told
her good morning. Her smile grew, a sleepy chuckle leaving her before, "Good morning-," she pulled in her lip, biting back calling him 'baby' like she
wanted to. They weren't there yet. As much as she knew this was the place for her; being in his arms was the place for her, she still...couldn't do
it. She'd meant what she said last night. Even with all of the things they'd confessed after, Devyn wouldn't allow herself to be pulled under by him
again. She couldn't lose herself like that again...
But as she turned over and watched his eyes warm at the sight of her face, she knew that was easier said than done. She reached for him, her hand
sweeping through his curls before coming to rest at the nape of his neck, playing with the hair there. She didn't speak, yet she just wanted to...be
here. With him. Finally.
"I missed you, Koi." She'd said that last night. In her weird emotional make out, she'd told him that she missed him. That she loved him. All of that
was still true...maybe more so now that she truly felt free of all the shit she'd been carrying from their past. She missed him...but...
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
An easy smile took over his face as he watched Devyn shift next to him, her fingers squeezing his tightly as the rest on her stomach. He could feel
her smile too, settling in where the expression she wore when she was really sleeping once sat. The one where her mouth was a little open,
the creases that her forehead made when she was thinking really hard about something...or judging the shit out of something, totally gone. She was
beautiful. Peaceful...just like the new smile that he hoped he was the cause of...because that was a hell of a lot better than being the reason she
frowned. Which he had been lately. And he hated that. He hated the things that she finally admitted to him the night before. The hurt. The loss of
him, but most importantly of herself dealing with him. It hurt more than she’d be able to realize. Probably because it reminded him of his
Moms...and his ain’t shit Pops.
Since the divorce had been finalized, Koi had tried not to think about...Shemar...as he’d started calling him (it just rolled off the tongue
better...not better than stupidasshoeassshitface...but better). He’d always wondered who his mom was...what her life was like before the
fucking disaster that was his father. Now he knew. Now that Shemar was gone...he got it. And it looked a lot like what he’d done to Devyn. The
sadness. The anger. The hopelessness...the worthlessness. Shemar had tried to destroy his mother…and Koi’d done the same to
Devyn. But what his father didn’t do? Try to make the shit he’d demolished singlehandedly...better. And that’s what Koi was
trying to do. Take the pieces of the lives he’d hulk smashed with his behavior...and put them back together the best way he could.
Good morning. The arm across her waist tightened for a moment as he heard her voice, loosening as she turned to face him, her smile relaxed.
Like she could finally see him again. Him...and not the horrible shit he’d done to her and the others he cared about in the past
months. He couldn’t help but soften as she ran her fingers through his curls, her fingertips sending shocks through him, his body pulling
closer to her. Her words drawing him in more…
“I missed you, too.†He whispered, fighting...and probably close to losing as he tried not to pull closer to her, kiss her lips. Touch
more of her. Until…
“What’s wrong?†He asked, his eyes narrowing at her hesitance. He could feel. Her body stiffening as his fingertips caressed her.
The shifting of her eyes from his as he held her gaze.
She wanted more mornings with him like this. Mornings where she woke up in his arms and time moved a little slower, giving them the opportunity to
just...be together. Koi's fingers rubbed at her back as hers tickled the back of his neck and Devyn knew that this was who they were supposed to be.
Even though the routine was the same, they were different. She could feel it in the way Koi tensed to pull her closer after confessing he missed her.
Old Koi would have kissed her then; maybe started something he and Devyn certainly shouldn't have done...but would've. But he didn't. This Koi knew it
would complicate things after last night. This Koi knew to ask more questions.
What's wrong? This. Them together like this, no matter how right it felt, was what was wrong. Devyn's smile faded and she pulled in her
bottom lip, thinking about what to say. She didn't want to hurt him. In how blunt she'd been last night, she knew she'd already done enough, but it
wasn't fair to leave him letting him think that they...
"I don't want to lead you on, kid...-" she took her hand from him then, sliding away as she sat up in bed. Devyn sighed, still unsure of how to tell
him what she was feeling. Hell, she was still unsure even what she was feeling. "I'm glad we talked and you...you really put me in a better
headspace about all this."
But. She couldn't just give him the "but". Mostly because it felt like giving him her ass to kiss. She wanted to be with him, but she needed space.
She missed him, but she couldn't get back with him. She loved him, but..."But I don't...trust you, Koi."
He may have been who he was supposed to be for them to work, but Devyn wasn't there yet.
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
I don't want to lead you on, kid... If Koi could say one thing, he'd freely admit that Devyn knew what to say to hit him right in the fucking
chest. Not like he believed that everything would be perfect with one night of discussion about their past, but...he couldn't lie. Despite the fact
that he knew nothing was perfect, her words hurt him. He tried to erase the pain of her hesitance with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. He
let her slide out of his grasp as she spoke about how glad she was that they talked...how she was in a "better headspace" about it all. And yet, she
was moving away from him. Physically and in her words. Koi could barely look her eyes, the sadness of what he knew was coming wrinkling her forehead,
the "but" following her distance...
"Oh..." Koi felt himself nod at her final words, trying to hide the fact that it was his forehead that wrinkled this time. In embarrassment? Maybe
surprise from how blunt her words had been? No...definitely from hurt. Hurt at the fact that they were here with each other. Her, guarded and
distrustful of him because of all of their shit. Correction. All of his shit. Could he blame her? She'd given him herself so
many times and his track record was hurting the shit out of her. Pushing her away. Lying to her. Ignoring how anything that he did would affect her.
This was the only result. Well, it could've been worse. He could've lost her completely. And that shit put a lot in perspective if he was honest with
himself. All that honesty? It made him nod, his eyes finding hers.
"I get it, Dev." He said simply, forcing another smile.
"Now get out my damn bed." He said, pulling the covers away from her as he laughed.
"Your cold ass breakfast is in the kitchen since you slept through it..."
He knew it was coming. Koi had tried his best to smile through it, perhaps forgetting that she wasn't one of his groupies and she actually knew him.
She knew his face. She knew his expressions. Devyn watched his lips lift at the corners, but the rest of his face betrayed his worry. Koi knew the
other shoe would drop before Devyn even had to say it, but she still said it...for both their sakes.
This was going to be a new era for them. Devyn could tell that Koi wanted to fix them. He wanted her back and even in their short talk so far, she
knew he was willing to work for her, but...it would require honesty. On both their parts, but Devyn had to be extra careful. She was prone to lying to
herself to make things she didn't like about him okay. Those days had to be behind them. She would not survive Koi from high school again. She
couldn't let herself endure him again and if it meant being radically honest and hurting him, she would have to. And she was.
Devyn was hurting him. She could see it in the way his forehead wrinkled, a soft 'oh' leaving him as he digested her words. She didn't trust him.
Surely, he knew why. The lies, the drama, the seemingly endless silence...what else could have happened? How could she know he wouldn't hurt her again
if that was all he'd done in the past? She couldn't trust him with the heart she still wanted to give him and even knowing that hurt her. She didn't
want this for them...
But it was what had to be for now. And Koi got it...so he said. He offered her another fake smile before attempting to ease the tension with...humor?
Koi laughed, but Devyn knew he kinda meant that shit. Get out my damn bed. She wouldn't make it more awkward. Devyn smiled, rolling her eyes
and feigning offense and she swung her legs over the side of the bed.
"Woooooooow. Rude-," she giggled a bit then, standing. "I guess I know what it's like now. I'm one of the hoes." She let herself laugh then, her hand
reaching for the door knob. She stepped out, but she paused. Devyn turned back to look at Koi, biting her lip nervously. She just...
"Hey, for real...I'm sorry it has to be like this-," she didn't give him a chance to tell her not to apologize as she closed the door behind her so
she could find Minna and give Koi the space she knew he needed.
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
Devyn sighed a bit, her thumb swiping up on her screen as she scrolled through her Twitter feed handing out likes and retweets to pass her very
PG-rated time with Koi. She'd invited herself over to continue the show they'd started binging over break. They'd been back in classes for about a
week and this was the first time he'd actually had time for her. It seemed like with them back on campus he had practice, after study session, after
workout, after group work session and she was...annoyed. Ugh. Not that none of that was important, but she kind of missed him. Especially because he'd
started this dodging shit before they got back to school.
After his birthday, Koi had been oddly...distant? It was weird. He was still responding to her texts and taking her calls. They'd hung out a couple of
times since, but it never...went how she thought it would. Okay! So...Devyn understood how complicated they were right now. They'd had sex a
few times since Christmas and that was making things a lot more...layered than they should have been. Maybe they needed to slow down, but sex was part
of who they were and they were trying to...get back to that? Weren't they?
Devyn didn't know. The stuff she'd said in the bathroom on Christmas was true. She loved him. She missed him. And she had since enjoyed her time with
him. He was affectionate and really sweet with her and more open than he had ever been...until the new year. She didn't know what it was, but Koi had
very much Caspered her since then. He was ghosting her, but being super friendly about it. They'd gone shopping, but he didn't so much as hit on her
the whole time. They'd had dinner, but he dropped her off at home right after. It was weird for them.
And it wasn't just about sex for Devyn. She loved the time they were getting together, but she didn't know what to make of his distance. She didn't
know what it meant and that was scaring her. She was already so unsure about what was going on between them as she tried to figure out what they were
to one another, but...she at least had control of it this time...right?
Devyn shifted under his arm, her eyes finding him as she tilted her face up from where she rested against his chest. They were cuddled on top of his
bed (the closest they'd been in the last two weeks) and she could tell he was doing his absolute best to focus on the show. The wrinkle in his
forehead told her he had a lot more on his mind. "Hey-," she called to him, her lips touching his jaw before he could protest. "What you thinking
about?"
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
He was about to lose. Koi could feel it in his stomach. It was that feeling Koi got right before he was about to missed a shot. That familiar
swooping that made his breath catch a little. He broke a sweat. Because he knew the one thing he was actively trying to avoid was about to
happen...but not if he could hold out. That thing being giving Devyn the well-deserved "D" he'd been holding out on. He'd been fighting a good fucking
fight for the past couple of weeks. Even when the shit seemed impossible. Especially when he and Devyn had gone shopping and she'd insisted he "help
her try on" that backless dress she'd picked up in Chanel in the dressing room. The dress she didn't really need help trying on at all. He'd felt his
body moving before his brain caught up, his feet slowing as he shook his head, smiled and told her some lie about wanting to be surprised by how good
it looked when she got it on. She was getting more and more curious about his distance. And her efforts didn't stop. They'd gotten...worse (or
better?) And every time she tried him, it got harder and harder to resist. Because if the conversation he'd had with Zori and his moms was his
artillery and Devyn's body was the enemy? He was about to lose the motherfucking battle. Shit, the whole WAR.
Maybe it was that he was putting himself in situations he knew he needed to be avoiding completely. But what was he supposed to say? After they'd
started everything between them again on Christmas, it was hard to not want to see her. To not spend time with her. And that was why they were in his
bed, curled up on top of his sheets. Her body was warm next to his and he could barely focus on the show because...he missed her. Whenever he spent
time away from her he missed her...but whenever he spend time...outside of her, it made missing her way more difficult. Because she was home.
Because he loved her.
What you thinking about? Feeling her lips caressing his jaw made him leave his thoughts behind. Hell, he basically left his brain behind as
he lowered his lips to hers...hers lifting to his as he kissed her softly. He pulled away, not letting himself fall into the kiss.
"Not the show..." He muttered, rubbing his thumb across her full, bottom lip.
Devyn felt her stomach flutter as his lips touched hers in a kiss. It felt like the others he'd offered in the past couple of weeks, short and
placating. It was the kiss he'd given her after dinner at Craft when he was turning down her invitation to get a room somewhere. It was the kiss he'd
put on her cheek when she ran into him on the quad yesterday and made him commit to the meet up they were (kind of?) enjoying now. Devyn could tell
Koi wanted her to think nothing was wrong, but she also knew that the opposite was true. Something had changed after his birthday and it seemed he
wasn't going to tell her what it was anytime soon.
Or maybe he was. Devyn smirked a bit as he admitted he wasn't thinking about the show, his thumb brushing across her lip as he looked into her eyes.
Good. She wasn't thinking about the show either. "Is that right?" Her voice was seductive as Devyn shifted again then, sitting up as her lips found
his again. Koi let the kiss deepen for the first time in weeks, but he seemed to catch himself as her leg went over his waist. He stopped her
mid-straddle and she felt him pulling away from her. What the fuck was the deal?
Devyn sighed drawing back into her own space, "So what are you thinking about then, Koi? Because it doesn't seem to be me, either." She didn't want to
fight. It wasn't about the sex. This was just the first time since Christmas she'd felt like she couldn't read him and it reminded her of the last
time she couldn't read him...after prom. She just wanted to know what it was. Was it her? Was it home stuff? School? Ball? What?
"I just...I'm just trying to figure you out, kid and I can't...I don't know what's changed."
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
Maybe Koi's answer was a little...general? He definitely wasn't watching the show. Just like he hadn't been watching it when they were binging it in
his room. But that had been for a totally different reason. The reason that Devyn had been getting at as her lips met is again, the kiss
deepening...her lips parting, tongue slipping between his. And just like that, he was losing again. She pressed against him and he fell into all of
it. Her closeness, her fingers in his curls, her breathy moan as she...
"No...babe, no." He muttered, pushing her softly back to the bed beside him. She'd almost been straddling him, the kiss going much deeper than Koi
knew was right. Which is the only reason why he stopped it. Not because he didn't want it, because he did. He would never stop wanting Devyn. And not
just her body. Her. And that's why the conversation between he and his parents had hit him so hard. Because for so long, Koi had worried a
lot about what he wanted from Devyn. He'd wanted her to give him space. He'd wanted her to be completely dedicated to him while he treated her like
shit...and then he'd wanted her to love him after that. Now, it was about what she wanted and he wasn't even giving her a chance to figure that out.
Because if this was it? If fucking without out a real destination was what she wanted...at least she could make that choice.
"I know...I know. I'm sorry. Um..." He got it. He couldn't fight her words as she told him that he was once again confusing the shit out of her. The
look in her eyes told him he needed to start talking...and fast.
"What are we doing? No for real...what is this?" Koi asked, hating to answer a question with a question.
What are we doing? Devyn froze. She hadn't been expecting that from him. It was usually her line. They'd spent years with Devyn turning to
Koi to figure out what they were to each other and what their situationship meant. Because Koi asking this question made it just that. A
situationship. They were fucking without a title again and Devyn had let herself slip into that again. It's where she was comfortable with him because
it's what they'd done for so long...but she had control of it...right?
That's what she had been telling herself anyway. Devyn was in control of their situation. Devyn was making the decisions. She could be in or be out
whenever she chose...even though she didn't really know if they were "in" or "out" right now...Ugh! It was complicated and she didn't like to think
about it too much. She was having fun with Koi and she wanted to be around him. That was it. Why did they have to be doing anything?
"We...I just thought we were gonna finish the season-," Devyn gestured to the TV as Koi deadpanned, silently asking her to be serious before actually
asking. No for real... She bit her lip nervously, unsure of what to say because she was still so unsure about him. She loved Koi, but he
wasn't reliable. She loved who he was with her now, this "new" Koi, but she couldn't be sure this was who he'd be in a week...in a month...Wasn't that
the cause of their rift now? A couple weeks ago he couldn't take his hands off her. Now, she couldn't get so much as a legit kiss from him without him
breaking it off before they got started. She couldn't do the back and forth hot and cold with him again...So what were they doing?
"I don't know, Koi-," Devyn sighed. She didn't know what they were doing and she didn't know that she really wanted to try to define it right now.
Couldn't they just hang out? Be cool again? Wasn't that what this was? "I mean we're trying this friendship thing, right? Baby steps?"
Baby steps to what she didn't know...
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
As soon as Koi said the words, he wanted to take them back. Not because they didn't need to be said. Because of the look Devyn was giving him at that
moment. A look that he was way too familiar with as he'd given her the same look in the past. I'm not ready for this discussion. Why are you even
asking me this? Can't we just...? And to be on the receiving it was probably karma or some shit. Some sign from the universe to remind him that
he'd been a complete asshole and everything he was about to hear was his own fault. That happiness with Devyn was always right within his
reach...until it wasn't. And right now, it wasn't. They'd had "fun" in the past couple of weeks. The sex, the time they'd spent together...all of it.
It was fun for her. Which was perfect timing because it was everything for him. Did he deserve it? Yes. Did it still hurt like a bitch? Hell
yeah.
She "didn't know". She was sitting in front of him telling him that and for the first time...he'd known. That talk he'd had with his parents about the
future got him thinking. About how much that he, the same nigga who'd dodged her for almost two years, finally wanted to be with her. He'd finally
made up his mind and now, she wasn't sure? If he could've laughed at his dumbass "luck", he would've. Because all the arguing, avoidance, hurt he put
her through was the "luck" he deserved.
"Yeah..." He said, nodding slowly.
"...but I do, Dev. And this ain't it." His dick was shouting at him...because he HAD to be a fucking idiot. This was what he'd wanted! Right? A girl
who was okay with amazing sex and didn't want anything complicated. A girl who just wanted to kick it and keep it simple. A girl who didn't do titles.
A girl like Devyn...or the girl he'd made Devyn, right?
"Because...I want more than the occasional 'fuck', Devyn. I want you...and I know you're not ready for that yet." He couldn't look at her as he spoke.
His eyes were downcast and they'd stay that way so he wouldn't have to see the expression on her face. Whether it was anger...or pity, he couldn't
take it.
"And I'm not ready for shit to be the way it was. I don't think either of us wants that."
Devyn watched him carefully. She felt like her words were echoing in the space as he tried to process, but maybe that was because they'd heard them
before. That night they broke into Surfside? ...I kinda like this friend thing we're doing. You're good too, right? She wasn't good then. She
could admit that now and it seemed so small compared to everything else they'd been through together...but Koi. It was Koi's turn to let her know he
wasn't good with their current situation and it...was frustrating the fuck out of her?
She listened to him tell her that what they were doing "ain't it". That it wasn't enough for him. That he wanted her and despite acknowledging she
wasn't ready for that, he was moving forward with putting what he wanted on the table. Anddddd shaming her in the process because apparently
all their current situation was to her was sex. Tuh. For the first time in almost a month Tre' entered her mind. Did Koi think she didn't have other
options? Did he think telling her no would make her fucking desperate? Did he forget who he was fucking with in the 8 months they hadn't talked?
"Wowwww-," she wasn't sure when in his short rant her face had fallen into the amused shock it held now, but she could feel an argument building in
her chest as she picked her jaw up to respond. She chuckled a little at the irony of it all. At how they'd traded places at the start of their new
relationship (or whatever they were working on) and Devyn was controlling their situation instead of letting Koi dictate every aspect of her life and
now shit wasn't sweet. He didn't want this version of them. In fact, he didn't think either of them wanted this...
"You're playing games-," she got off the bed then, quickly finding her slides so that she could bounce. She wasn't doing this with him. She was not going to argue with Koi anymore about anything. Especially
not when he obviously had it all figured out right? Nope. Not this time. Devyn was in control...not of her mouth though.
"Y'know, I just think it's funny how when you wanted to be friends and leave it at that, it was cool and I just had to deal with it. Now, that it's me
that needs a little time that just won't cut it and it's not enough? Hmm..." He was being selfish. She bit back telling him that because she really
didn't want to fight. Where the fuck did she put her bag so she could go?
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
When Koi heard the "wowwww" that followed his verbal vomit, he knew he'd fucked up. Once again, he'd said shit in a way that he probably shouldn't
have and he could literally feel the air in the room thicken. Because the silence was tense. Tense and completely uncomfortable, broken only by
Devyn's soft chuckle...which didn't make the situation any lighter. That laugh meant it was about to be a whole situation if he didn't clean up what
he'd said in t-minus five seconds. And he really wanted to clean it up! Because he knew his words had been a little clumsier than he'd meant them to
be and whether Devyn knew it or not, that wasn't his plan. After his talk with his parents, he'd tried to figure out how the start the conversation
with Devyn. He couldn't...figure it out. Because the shit was a catch-22. He loved being around her. Things were normal again. The way they'd been
before shit hit the fan senior year. But normal didn't mean better. Clearly. Normal was this moment, right here. Devyn looking at him her eyes
dangerous and...playing games?!
"Hold up...because I'm concerned about us doing the same dumb shit we did in the past, I'm playing games?" If the goal was to keep the peace, he was
failing miserably.
"It's my fault that I've give a shit? Cool..." He could actually feel himself slipping up and falling into fucking feelings. All of which he'd sworn
he'd silenced before...before he and Devyn started hooking up again. That was the problem, wasn't it? Koi knew that one fucking day, he was
going to listen to his parents. Because even though the sex was on point...he felt the unthinkable . Regret. Regret that he'd even started
with Devyn again without letting shit die down from the past. Without letting her "do her" the way she should've been able to. He was regretting it
even more as she got out of the bed, slipping her feet into her slides.
"Don't do that, babe...c'mon." Koi voice softened as he reached for her. But she was up and walking around the bed. Probably looking for the purse Koi
had pushed further under the bed when they were play arguing earlier. Play arguing was out the window now as the shit was real. And so was the way she
paused, cocking her head to the side the way she did when she was about to start some shit.
I just think it's funny how... There it was...
"Dev. Are you serious? Nobody's sayin' they don't wanna be friends. I wanna be friends. I want to do the shit that'll make you happy. Do you even hear
me?" He almost yelled, forcing his voice to level out before he made shit worse.
"I'm saying I don't want to sleep with you and keep fucking both of our heads up!"
This was straight bullshit. Koi had one thing right, they were slipping right back into their same old fuckshit and she didn't want to. She hadn't
done a good enough job explaining to him why fighting with him wasn't an option. The stress of it literally, physically pained her when she let him
work her up and she was not doing that today...at least she didn't want to. Devyn let him talk, asking her how he was playing games. He was trying to
manipulate her into doing what he wanted and it was so second nature now, he probably didn't even realize he was doing it. Or maybe he did and he was
gaslighting her on purpose. That was the issue. She couldn't be sure with Koi.
It's my fault that I give a shit...cool...Oh? Devyn didn't give a shit? She was just here fucking around? Devyn was trying to take them back
to how they were before? Heard. She nodded her understanding as she got out of his bed and put on her damn slides. Fuck him and fuck this. She didn't
even get where any of this was coming from. They had been fine!
And now he was trying to calm her down, his voice softening as he reached for her to pull her back to bed. She was ignoring him...well she was trying
to, but her mouth had things to say and she couldn't stop that. She looked at him, head cocking to the side as she called him on his bullshit. He was
being a selfish, hypocritical dick and she was not with the shits. And of course he was doubling down.
"Well, Koi, this conversation is not making me happy-," she spoke over him as he asked if she heard him. Yeah, she did. She didn't fucking want to
though. Devyn was back to looking for her shit, turning his desk chair around and finding nothing. Her hands slapped her thighs in frustration as Koi
kept arguing with himse- EXCUSE HIM?!
"First of all, you are in no danger of EVER sleeping with me again. Believe that shit. And secondly, my head ain't fucked up. For the first
time in a long time I'm seeing shit clearly and you have made it crystal fucking clear to me that this was a mistake. i shouldn't hav-," she stopped.
It hit her at once and it froze her words because...he was right. She was too though. It was a mistake. She should have never tried this shit with him
again. She knew she wasn't ready, but she so easily slipped back into what was comfortable after Christmas. She had been telling herself she was in
control, but...fuck. He was right. She was letting him do it again.
Devyn sighed, turning away from Koi as she ran a hand through her hair. She was tearing up. Fuck! He was fucking her head up. They were doing the same
shit they'd done in high school and despite Devyn telling herself that she could come and go from this...whatever it was...at any time she
was still - FUCK!
"You know what,-" she turned back to him, her hand swiping at her face before the waterworks could get going. "Fuck this. I don't have to argue with
you about this shit anymore, Koi. We're not together, I'm not your girl, and if I could find my fucking bag I would already be gone!"
I'm taking my time.
I'm doing it right.
Self-Love. Self-Care. Selfish.
Well, fuck him. According to Devyn, he'd be doing a lot of self-fucking as he'd never be able to touch her again. Ever. Considering
the way this situation was going, that didn't sound like a bad idea. Because if he hadn't been such a fucking dumbass, maybe none of this would've
happened. They'd be chilling on his bed, Netflix binging, talking shit and more importantly, getting along. But they were back to this. Her
exhausted with him and him, realizing that of all the times that he should've respected her wishes, it had been in the on Christmas Day in his
mother's guest bathroom. He should've wrapped that shit up (according to Enzo, in more ways than one) and their asses should've rejoined the
festivities. He should've given her the space she asked for that day at the stadium. The space to figure shit out. To do her. To NOT do this
with him.
"What the hell is happ- Dev. What does that even mean!?" He countered, his eyes narrowing in confusion as she ranted while STILL trying to find her
purse. She was going to start flipping ALL his shit over in her quest to locate it and get the hell away from him. Oh, but not before she ranted some
more. About how how her head wasn't fucked up and she was seeing shit clearly for the first time. About how this was all a mistake and...Her words
stopped, silence settling over the room. She'd said it...she knew.
This was a mistake. Koi couldn't do anything but nod, his head lowering into his hands. He knew her words were true. And he knew they'd both
realized how wrong they were. How they'd fucked up with each other...again. He heard the familiar sigh that always seemed to be affiliated with his
tiring ass. He silently wished he could make this better. That he could say the right words that could reset the situation. Because yeah, they were
wrong...they'd fucked up a little, but they could come back from this...right? They'd be okay. He'd apologize and he'd back off for a little while so
she could get her head straight. Then, he'd wait until she was ready to be with him again...if she was ever ready. Because Koi meant what he'd said to
Zori. She was it. But...it seemed like he was the only one who felt that shit.
We're not together...I'm not your girl...
Koi's brow furrowed...until his face relaxed. The fight went out of him with those words. His words. The very thing he'd said to her when
he'd betrayed her trust and broke her heart over a bitch and a nigga who didn't matter. He'd regretted those words the second he said them, but
looking at Devyn's face? Her expression said she meat that shit more than she'd meant anything she'd said since they'd started arguing. There wasn't
anything to say.
"Heard." He said, getting off the bed only to pull he purse from where he'd pushed it. He held it out to her, the bed separating them...his eyes
staring through her.
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